


Free Karkat (No, Seriously, He’s Asking Nicely)

by misqueme



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Confused Mutual Pining, Crockerberts, Gen, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, mermaid au, strilonde family shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-06-27 09:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 66,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19788262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misqueme/pseuds/misqueme
Summary: Dave Strider stands in front of the cruise ship he unfortunately promised his estranged older sister he would spend the better part of a month on.Little does he know that he’s about to accidentally kidnap a creature and send his trip into a series of events that change his perception of the world, and maybe his heart..[Rated Teen+ : this story includes swearing, incompetent metaphors, outrageously cool dudes, and frequent Freudian slips.]





	1. Dave: Contemplate Sister’s Spending Methods

“Watch out!”

The building collapses and the alien monster beside it shrieks before being crushed in the rubble. 

Gunshots fire, the smell of sweat in the air as aliens are shot down row after row.

“Dirk, move! You’re gonna get hit!”

“Stop SHOUTING at me, I know what I’m doing—“

One of the larger aliens snarls and gets a hit in the side of the lean young man, who swears out loud.

“Okay, watch, I’m gonna break for the tower!”

“You can’t, there’s a really large troop right there—“

“Don’t tell me wha—“

A large crash resounds though as one of the largest bug aliens breaks down a wall, screams, and slashes through the middle of the man standing there. His blood splatters on the pavement as he keels over, falling flat on his face.

“DAMN IT!” Dirk shouts, smacking the screen as the failure music starts playing. “I was SO CLOSE!”

“Dude!” The shorter blonde is laughing, leaning against the side of the machine. “Language! You’re attracting the attention of at least five Karens!”

True to his word, a few moms stationed at different games nearby shoot Dirk dirty looks.

“Okay, whatever. It’s not anything like your disgusting word-vomit. You put the English language to shame.” Dirk stands up and stretches, a good-natured grin on his face. “For all you know, I WAS watching my language!”

“Sure.” Dirks’ younger brother is probably rolling his eyes, but it’s hard to tell because both of the brothers are wearing pairs of vintage shades. This is their trademark appearance, and it gives off an aura of cool, or an aura of doucheiness, depending on who you were. If you knew the two Strider brothers well enough, you’d know that they were only about as cool as nerds with way too many emotions could be. Or you could just realize they wear the sunglasses due to light sensitivity. But they’d deny that, or play it off with intense irony. Such is the Strider way. Dave nonchalantly nods towards the counter. “You feeling ready to turn in? We gotta catch that boat eventually.”

Dirk tilts his head to the side, his pointy glasses catching the light. “Oh ho ho, Mr. Dave Strider. Not a boat. A cruise ship.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dave grins and waves him away with a pale hand. The fluorescent lights of the arcade flash on and off periodically in multicolor. Unfortunately, Dave actually has a reason for the wish to abscond. The loud sounds of the arcade are starting to get to Daves’ head, and Dirk luckily realizes that.

“We can leave,” the older Strider offers, walking toward the counter and scratching his blonde hair for a moment. Suddenly he turns to Dave with a grin. “What do you wanna get with our tickets?”

“Um, the dumbest piece of shit imaginable, obviously,” Dave replies easily, gazing at the selection of ticket prizes.

“How do you feel about an inflatable dolphin?”

“Make it pink and I’m sold.”

———————

Dave and Dirk Strider stand on the edge of a dock, staring in awe at the multi-million dollar vehicle waiting for them.

The huge cruise ship is larger then their entire apartment building multiplied a few times. It contains hundreds of rooms, including cafeterias, swimming pools, and basically every single thing rich people have ever wanted on a cruise ship.

“Dude,” Dave breathes, his eyebrows raising in awe. “When Rox goes all-out, she really...”

“Yeah,” Dirk agrees with a nod. “Man, we gotta talk to her. She did just rent this thing, right?”

“Helloooooo!” Calls a voice from the deck. As the brothers raise their hands over their eyes to look, they see a woman smiling broadly at them. Her short curly blonde hair is framing her face as she waves excitedly. “Boys! Wassup? Y’all big fans of the S.S Roxy?”

Dirk snorts as he walks up the stairs of the ship, straightening his t-shirt. “Tell me you’d didn’t actually get a ship named ‘The Roxy’.”

“Unfortunately nah, my brother,” Roxy drapes herself dramatically over the railing. “Unfortunately not.”

Dirk pats her sympathetically on the shoulder as Dave makes his way up the stairs as well. “That’s too bad. Uhm, how much did you say this thing cost again?”

“I didn’t,” Roxy grinned. “That’s for me to know, and you to not find out! Anyways, Davey, ya like the view?” She asks, turning to the younger brother as he reaches the top.

“Gotta say, Rox, that’s a pretty stellar view.” The blonde teen leans over the edge somewhat, gazing at the wide expanse of ocean. “But you know who would really like this?”

“Rose,” say Roxy and Dirk and unison, laughing.

“Sureeeee,” Roxy giggles, patting Dave on the shoulder. “I bet she’s veryyy sad about all the good ol’ family bondin’ she’s missing out on while she’s at that psychology course or whatnot.”

“Super fuckin’ disappointed,” Dirk adds, ruffling up Daves’ hair. “Now then, Miss Lalonde, What kind of joyous relaxation can we expect on this good old beast of a boat?” He grins at her, relishing the very few inches he’s got on her height.

Roxy claps her hands together excitedly, her pink skirt flaring out. “Y’all gonna love this! I got all the bestest relax thangs you ever did see!”

“Oh yeah?” Dave challenges, yanking himself out of Dirk’s hold. “Arcade?”

“Done!”

“Pool?”

“You betcha!”

“Spa?”

“Absolutely!”

“Four-course buffet?!”

“If the food exists on this earth, then bet your ass they’ve got it here Davey!”

Roxy’s eyes sparkle in fuchsia mischief as Dave whistles slowly.

“Damn, okay.”

“I cannot be beat when it comes to vacationin’! I’ve seen all da movies, boys! All of em!” Roxy flips her hair over her shoulder and puts her hands on her hips. “I know how to do the vacation thang. I’ve just got a lot of non-vacationin’ years to make up for! And who better to test it on then my estranged bros?”

“Hell Yeah!” Dirk pumps his fist in the air. “Here’s to making up for non-existent childhoods!”

“Here here!” Roxy giggles, raising her fist as well. “And you too, Davey! You’ve still got some childhood left to ruin after all!”

Dave raises a confused fist and the two older siblings laugh.

—————

“Oh HELL yes,” Dave mutters to himself as he lays eyes on his bedroom. “Yes please.”

He’s got a king-sized bed, and an entire empty room to himself. Dave dumps his suitcase on the floor at the foot of his bed and leaps into the comforter. He sinks slowly into the mattress, sighing happily.

“This is the real life,” he mumbles into the blanket. Then he rolls over, laying on his back. Man. It’s too bad that Rose isn’t here, she’s totally get a kick out of Dave ‘finally relaxing his muscles after years of pent up stress and tension’ or whatever.

Wait a fat second. Dave reaches into his back pocket and tugs out his iPhone.

turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 2:13 PM 

TG: rose guess what

TG: this cruise ship is bananas 

TG: they got the buffets and the pools all out just for me

TG: makes sense because im like the coolest dude alive of course these simple country cruise ship folk wanna worship me

TG: honestly im a little surprised they havent preformed the ceremony to give me my own personal butler yet

TG: dunno bout you but id honestly pay extra to get some witty butler who could match my superior rapier wit

TG: yaknow what i mean? be a real compliment to my personality if we constantly had intelligent banter 

TG: where tf was i going with this i had a point 

TG: oh yeah rose these beds are heaven slices 

TG: i can literally feel the tension in my beanpole frame melting away into this mattress built for literal kings 

TT: Are you quite done now? 

TG: oh hey there she is

TG: nope im just starting

TG: theyve got four course buffets here rose it really is the dream life 

TT: I’m actually trying to get some work done right now. But yes, I’m pleased you’re lying in a position that eases some of the tension out of your toxin-ridden body. 

TG: well that was a nice way of putting it

TG: i definitely feel the love

TG: are you sure you dont want to come join us in cruise ship world

TG: rose? 

Aw man, she’s stopped responding.

Ah well. It was nice to bug her for at least a few minutes. What are estranged sisters for if not bugging them at absolutely inopportune times?

Dave stretches slightly, his glasses going mildly askew.

His phone buzzes.

timaesTestified [TT] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:30 PM 

TT: Dave. 

TG: yeah bro what’s up 

TG: just chillin in this totes gucci bed 

TT: First of all, never say Gucci again in my presence. I thought I raised you better then that. This is an Adidas only household. 

TG: damn okay 

TT: Second of all I’m actually texting because the ships’ crew wants to meet you. 

TG: what why 

TT: Well, both of us, technically, but I am here and you are not. 

TG: yeah got it 

TG: be there in a sec bro 

TT: Thank you. 

Time to meet a bunch of weird butlers, Dave guesses.

Hopefully this will actually be relaxing. God knows the Striders and Lalondes need a vacation.


	2. Dave: Wonder What That Is

“Nice to meet you, sir,” The captain says with a small smile as he shakes Dave’s hand. He’s well dressed, with a tie and everything.

Dave is slightly taken aback by the politeness and responds with a smart “nice to meet YOU, sir!” Which causes the Captain to laugh and Dave to wish the ship would crash right then and there.

“Thanks for piloting for us, sir,” Dirk says from behind Dave. The older Strider casually socks Dave in the shoulder. “None of us really know how to drive one of these things, so, it’s really for the best we hired someone.”

“Of course,” the Captain waves Dirk off, “and please just call me Mr. Egbert. No need for all the ‘sir’, I wasn’t knighted, to my knowledge.”

“Yes, sir!” Dave salutes with his best shit-eating grin, earning another bruise from his older brothers’ fist. Egbert only laughs and turns around, adjusting his hat carefully.

“It’s good weather out today. I’ll have my first mate check with all our controls and such while we’re out here in such a peaceful area.”

“First mate? This go by pirates rules?” Roxy asks, leaning on the wall. She must’ve walked in while Dave and Dirk had their catfight.

Mr. Egbert chuckles and winks. “No. But my daughter and I think it’s fun anyway.”

He leans out the window of the captian’s area, cupping his hands around his face. 

“Jane! How’re we looking?”

A girl on the edge of the deck waves up to them and gives two thumbs up. She’s short and has the look of a baker, with her black hair cut in a grandma-esque style that stops at her neck.

Mr. Egbert nods and reaches forward to push some buttons, moving aside so that the Striders and Lalonde can see what he’s doing.

The Captians’ area is in direct sunlight, which makes Dave extremely grateful for his sunglasses, but it’s also very peaceful and warm.

“This button, here, is normally what we’d use to bring in fish. It’s a giant net, good for livestock. We’ve already got most of the food we need on board already, though, so it’s mostly unnecessary.”

“Can we try it anyway?” Dirk asks curiously, leaning over the control console.

Mr. Egbert shrugs. “If you want.” He pushes in a few of the buttons, and the entire ship starts shaking as a huge whirring noise fills the air. Dave grabs onto the side of the boat quickly, while Roxy and Dirk fix their footing positions.

Dave can just barely see from his vantage point the side of the boat and how a large amount of netting is being released into the water. Should an emergency food shortage ever happen, something like that would be really useful for food, Dave thinks to himself. Also buried treasure. Because gold.

The Captain pulls a large lever type thing and the net starts retracting, coming back in towards the ship. Dave can’t see it, because the weights have made it sink far below and the sun is reflecting off the water.

As it gets closer, though, he does notice the thrashing.

“Wait a second,” Dirk says about the same time Dave notices all of the mini waves going on, “Sir, just how many fish did you catch?”

Mr. Egbert frowns at the net, a furrow appearing between his eyebrows. He starts tapping his fingers against the console in a small beat. 

“That doesn’t normally happen,” is all the Captain says before a small light starts flashing red.

“Oh god,” Dave says upon seeing the blinking. “That’s it, guys. We’re all dead. So much for relaxing vacation. We can count on Rose to be laughing about this at our funeral.”

“What’s actually happening right now?” Dirk asks in an attentive voice.

Mr. Egbert makes a ‘hrm’ noise and drums his fingers a little faster. “Well, normally this light goes off when the net is struggling because it’s caught on something. But there’s no rocks or coral in this area for it to be caught on.”

“Well, if it’s not caught on somethin’...” Roxy starts.

“Something is caught on it,” Dirk realizes, and then turns around so quickly his hair almost loses its pointy anime style (perfected by use of extreme gel).

Dave, still holding onto the railing in the room with one hand, watches his brother go. A small sense of instinct tells him not to leave Dirks’ side when anything odd was going on. Rose would say that was a physiological reasoning learned through years of terrible childhood, but Rose isn’t here right now.

“Uh, Mr. Egbert? I’m just gonna go with him. Cool? Cool.”

Dave rushes down the stairs in a practiced motion, his fingers deftly brushing against his waistband several times in search of a grip.

“Dirk?” Dave calls, and runs around to the front of the deck where his brother is standing next to Jane. He grabs the side of the boat, slightly slick from seawater, and watches as the fishing net is dragged, thrashing, against the boat and then up into the air.

As Dave’s eyes slowly register what is happening in that net, he takes a slight step back, and feels Dirks’ clammy fingers grabbing his sleeve protectively.

“Holy shit,” Dirk whispers, and Dave just nods.

There is a goddamn mermaid in that fishing net.

————————

“But— but—“

“We’ve exhausted all the ‘buts’ we can, Roxy,” Dirk sighs, downing the rest of his Mountain Dew. “The point is there’s a merman in there.”

“Or a mermaid,” Dave pointed out. “You don’t know anything about merperson gender, technically.”

“Okay, whatever,” the older Strider sighs, rubbing his eyes. “The point here is that there’s a merperson in that net.”

“You lowered ‘em back into the water, right?” Roxy asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I didn’t try to kill the thing on purpose. Plus it can’t leave right now. It’s stuck.”

“What If chews through the net?” Dave asks suddenly, gesturing towards his face. “What if mermaids have super sharp teeth or something.”

The other two people stare at Dave for a moment.

“I guess you’re right,” Roxy agrees slowly. “Jane an’ her dad plus the other few workers are all over there lookin’ at the thing, but I guess we need to pull it up here soon.”

Normally Dave would make some remark about Roxy already being on first name basis with the first mate, but he’s too preoccupied but thinking about the merperson.

Their skin had been so dark... and their tail had been a bright, reflective red. Almost fire truck red. 

“Are you sure this isn’t just some rando punking you?” Roxy asks, twirling a lock of her hair.

“Extremely sure. Although that would be funny.” Dirk gazes out the window of the Captain’s area at the deck below, where a few workers, Mr. Egbert, and his daughter are all discussing and studying the odd creature (from far away anyway).

“I guess we do have to pull it up. Let’s ask the captain to get a giant fish tank ready.”

“Hold up,” Dave says, coming back to the present, “a giant fish tank?”

“Yea,” Roxy agrees, smiling sweetly. “They’ve got around five on board. It’s hells of awesome little bro.”

“Well that’s convenient. I vote Dirk for carrying it!”

Dirk glares at him, but his annoyance is short-lived. In the end, Mr.Egbert and several crew members pull one of the cylinder-shaped tanks out to the deck somehow. (“It looks like a giant can of beans,” Dave jokes to no ones’ amusement). 

“Okay,” Mr. Egbert hails the attention in the area with his raised hand. “We’re going to lift this thing, and then we’re going to upturn it fairly quickly, and the mermaid should fall out. Everyone step back.”

Most of the people around the tank take a few modest steps back. Dave, extremely curious to see the creature again, leans slightly forward from where he’s shoved behind Dirk.

The sun beats down on their deck, making it hard to see the raised net, but the cranking of machinery proves that it’s slowly being lifted up, up, and up, in time with the Captain’s hand...

“Release!” Mr. Egbert shouts, and the net preforms some sort of acrobatic pirouette, scattering seaweed and a few fish across the boat, and then something much heavier falls out with a thump, and into the tank with a splash.

Two of the workers standing behind the glass structure immediately reach forward and slam the lid down, effectively sealing off the top.

Dave wrests out of his brothers’ grip and stumbles toward the tank, tentatively placing one hand on the glass as the bubbles in the water clear.

The creature in the water slowly turns, and fixes Dave with an odd, yellow-eyed stare. And then it’s mouth opens, revealing sharp teeth, and it starts doing what could only be described as yelling.

It’s mouth is moving, and it’s face is contorted in obvious fury, but the only thing coming out of its mouth is a stream of bubbles. Talking underwater doesn’t work very well.

Dave watches curiously as the thing continues to shout, looking around at the other people in fear and anger. The merman’s skin is a dark, speckled, gray color, and his hair is the polar opposite to the Striders’: black as night. His tail is the most vibrant red Dave has ever seen... blood red, and reflecting sunlight so well it might as well be a traffic cone.

Apparently averse to his staring, the merman in the tank snarls and bashes his fist against the glass where Dave’s nose is. He barely has time to be surprised before strong arms are grabbing him and pulling him backwards.

Dave makes a slight grumbling noise as Dirk holds him against his chest, shades facing the tank.

“So yeah, it’s definitely aggressive.”


	3. Karkat: Freak Out And Sleep

_BANG._

A pause.

BANG _BANG._

It’s no use.

The top won’t open.

He’s stuck.

Karkat Vantas floats down to the bottom of his enclosure in a furious stream of bubbles. For just a second, he lays on the bottom of it, before feeling its odd icy smoothness and shooting back up a little.

He’s going to die here. He’s going to die here and it’s definitely, 100%, Sollux’s fault.

Karkat hopes beyond hope that Sollux will carry the guilt of this on his stupid mustard fins for the entire rest of his life. Into death, even.

Karkat hopes that, but he knows the truth. 

Sollux probably won’t even care.

The merman sighs, folding his arms to rub at his grubscars nervously. Karkat has resigned himself to death, luckily. He’d pretty much resigned himself to death when his best friend dared him to swim up above the rocklands. It was just a matter of how and when, now, really.

Except, it may be slightly possible... that Karkat wasn’t as resigned to death as he pretended to be.

He may be a horrible, bright red mutant, and he may have a terrible life, and he may hate himself quite a lot, but the animalistic burning desire to survive was still going strong somewhere in his chest.

If he wasn’t so terrified, Karkat would be curious. He wanted to know what the odd creatures who captured him were like... they didn’t respond at all when he was cussing them out earlier, so either they were fairly resilient or they couldn’t hear him with the top to this stupid container on.

Not one for giving up, Karkat raised himself up again (the prison is only a little bit taller then him) and pressed his webbed claws to the material. It didn’t budge. Possibly it could only be opened from the outside, or maybe there was some secret to it he hadn’t figured out yet.

Sighing out a stream of water, Karkat lowered himself again. Were the creatures here into torture? He hoped not. They’d wheeled him into this dark room, and, aside from coming in to ogle at him every once in a while, he’d been left alone. Maybe they were respecting his boundaries? Or maybe they were afraid.

Hah. Imagine. Being afraid of a mutant like him. He’s basically sharkbait, as his family has come to remind him time and time again. They’re only looking out for him, but still. Sometimes it hurts.

The little slot of wall on the far end of the room slides open, and a head peers around the area. Karkat blinks in confusion. There’s an entire area to stand in there. Or maybe this human was only a head?

After not moving for a few seconds, the thing walks into the room, revealing a body (including legs. Two legs? What? How do they keep their balance?). It’s eyes are fairly different from the other humans here— dark and covered over with some type of shell.

Karkat tilts his head and recognizes this particular human as the one who looked at him earlier, when he’d first been captured. Oh, right. He’s still a little angry about that. Certain parts of his red scales have been rubbed raw from the ropes that strangled him.

“You!” Karkat barks. “What are you doing here? Why did you capture me? What do you want?!”

The human stops walking forward, watching Karkat. The merman’s skin crawls as his instincts recognize the stillness of a predator.

Strangely, it opens it’s mouth, revealing flat white teeth, and it says something. Probably. Karkat can’t hear anything with this lid on.

The human waits for a response, and when it doesn’t get one, it repeats its earlier mouth-moving. 

Karkat shrugs helplessly and points up to the lid with a webbed claw. The other creature reels back a little in shock from this, much more surprised then when Karkat had lunged at him earlier.

It walks forward slowly, and then presses its’ hand to the divide between them, mimicking what it had done earlier. It stays there for a while before Karkat realizes it’s looking for a response.

He hisses bubbles at the creature, and then halfheartedly swipes at the hand on the class. It’s unwebbed, and unclawed. Man, how are Humans apex predators again?

Kanaya always knew this stuff. Karkat sighs unhappily and sinks slowly, letting the human watch him. When it doesn’t go away, he starts snapping again.

“What, you think I’m too scared to yell at you?! Well, think again, shit-for-brains! Maybe I was a little, but I’m not anymore! Stop being an absolute fucker and leave me alone! I’m suffering, can’t you see!?”

The white-haired human just watches with a relaxed posture and face, seeming almost curious. Karkat can’t tell very well, with it’s odd face protection, what it’s thinking. 

Perhaps the oddest thing about this human is the red covering it’s wearing over it’s top. Bright, blood red. Almost lighter then Karkat’s tail. Why would anyone wear that color voluntarily, without fear?

 _Must be fun being at the top of the food chain, huh?_ Karkat thinks bitterly.

The human leans forward, and sticks his other finger on the divide. A single finger.

Karkat growls at the invasion of space, raising the fins on his back in warning. But perhaps the human doesn’t see this, or ignores this, because it starts dragging it’s finger around. It leaves an imprint behind, a little dark line where it’d touched before. The merman watches in slight curiosity as it does this several times, making shapes with it’s hands. Eventually, it comes out as four symbols. They looked vaguely familiar, and Karkat makes a small chirping noise in this throat in curiosity. 

“What’s that utter nonsense you’re doing there?” He asks, floating close enough that his nose is almost against the icy divide. The human was still, watching him with wonder, but after he spoke it pointed helplessly at the lid, mirroring Karkat’s earlier action.

It couldn’t hear him.

Karkat yells something about taking the top off his prison, and then he yells a lot of general insults. He eventually gets so fired up he starts insulting the legged creature’s face and entire familial lineage. 

After thoroughly yelling himself out, Karkat sinks to the bottom of the enclosure. His throat kind of hurts, which is just wonderful. He sighs and buries his face in his arms instead, only looking up after a few minutes to discover that the human creature had left.

Whatever.

Who cares.

————  
__

_“What IS that?” Nepeta asked curiously, poking the sand with her webbed claws curiously._

_“The duh sound,” The jade mermaid beside her answered._

_Karkat growled under his breath, the fins on his back pricking. They’d been here far too long already, Kankri was going to scream himself hoarse about this. Nepeta and Kanaya were not being quiet enough, either— they were never careful enough. Perhaps that’s what happens when you’re not a stupid mutant who has to always watch his back._

_“It looks kinda like a dolphins’ big smile!” Nepeta giggled, pushing down her hair so her horns poked up in an impression of a dolphin._

_“It makes the same sound as Dolphin as well,” Kanaya pointed out, drawing the same smile-shape in the sand. “‘Duh’. That’s what it sounds like.”_

_“I don’t understand the fucking point of this,” Karkat snapped, causing the two mermaids to look up at him in annoyance. “Certain symbols make noise, cool, yes. Why do WE need to know them?”_

_Kanaya, ever patient, turned towards him so that her short black hair twirled around her mismatched horns. She pulled her black lips back slightly, thinking._

_“We don’t actually need to know them. It’s just interesting. Plus...” Kanaya dragged her hand through the sand, erasing what she’d drawn there. “Aradia knows how to read them.”_

_Ah, a competition thing. Karkat had no right to try and interfere with that kind of thing. But he also really, really didn’t want Kanaya to die just because she was one-upping their pod’s oddest member._

_“Can you draw ‘it’s time to go back to the cave RIGHT NOW?” Karkat growled softly. The mermaid sighed, pulling her jade-colored tail closer. Nepeta huffed and stuck out an olive green tongue at him._

_“I can write ‘cave’” Kanaya replied seriously, and drew four symbols in the sand with precision. Karkat huffed angrily, then pretended not to be looking over her shoulder at the sand in curiosity._

_“How in the world does that say cave?” Karkat snarked, before remembering he was supposed to be pretending he didn’t care._

_“That’s the ‘cuh’ sound,” Kanaya said, pointing at the half-circle. “Ay. Vv. The last part is silent, I guess.”_

_“Great. So in the sound-symbols, some don’t even make sounds? That makes perfect sense,” Karkat sneered. Kanaya ignored him. She knows, and he knows, that he’s just being difficult on purpose because he’s scared._

_“Basically these three together say ‘AVE’. Like if I wanted to say ‘gave’, for instance,” the mermaid erased the first symbol and replaced it with a different one. “You see?”_

_“No,” Karkat snapped, but Nepeta, who’d been into Kanaya’s weird shenanigans for much longer, nodded enthusiastically._

_“Perfect,” Kanaya beamed, showing her white fangs in a way she always made graceful. “We can go home now, if you want, Karkat.”_

_“Yes! FINALLY!” The merman threw up his arms, sending bubbles everywhere. “Of course you weren’t that worried about it, considering you’re NOT a swimming sun screaming ‘come eat me’!”_

_Kanaya rolled her yellow eyes, but she reached forward and grabbed Karkat’s forearm to lead him outside. Nepeta followed easily behind, her dark green tail swishing in the water behind her._

__

Karkat wakes up when one of the dumb little fish bumps right into his nose, startling him slightly. He's half tempted to snap it up in his jaws, but the poor thing is stuck in here just like him. Also, he should probably ration his food. Also, he doesn't feel like eating much in the first place. 

Whatever, who gives a shit.

The merman sighs to himself, looking at the shapes the human had drawn on the wall earlier. They’re running a little, water droplets streaming down from them, but when he focuses, something about them seemes mildly familiar.

“Duh sound,” Karkat whispers. “Ayy... vuh.” 

Karkat leans closer, his nose bopping against the divide, his blood rushing with wonder. 

“Duh.... ay...”

Maybe he has more in common with this thing then he initially thought.


	4. Dave: Ignore Your Older Siblings

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 4:30 PM. 

TG: rose 

TG: rose 

TG: rose 

TG: rose 

"Well, for one thing, I don't think people should be going near it." Dirk says sternly.

TG: rosie

TG: rosa

TG: rosalind

TG: rosanne

TG: rosalie

"So, what're we 'posed to do, leave the thing in there forever?" Roxy asks disapprovingly, tapping her nails on the table.

TG: guess what rose

TG: you will literally not ever believe what i am about to tell you

TG: but on god im not making this shit up

TT: Hello, Dave. To what do I owe the annoyance?

"There were fish in the tank," the pointy shaded man shrugs. "It can eat those."

TG: theres a merperson in our fish tank

TT: I see. Wearing a mildly disconcerting, revealing top, I assume?

TG: what no

TG: zero top

TT: And you looked anyway? For shame.

"For how long though? Also we don't even know that it eats meat," Dave's estranged elder sister points out.

TG: its fine rose im pretty sure it's a dude merperson

TT: Mhm.

TG: stop

TG: whatever face youre making right now, stop making it

TT: Of course.

Dirk cracks his knuckles absentmindedly. "I saw that thing's teeth. It eats meat."

TG: anyway

TG: dirk and roxy are unsurprisingly freaking out over this

TG: theyre having a sibling meeting about the 'threat' 

TG: im not listening all that much tbh

TG: their science nerd asses are extremely aroused by this whole thing

Roxy rolls her eyes. "Whatev, DiStri. But we can't just ignore the situation and hope it goes away. I ain't a Strider." Dirk winces from that obvious jab.

TT: By the merperson.

TG: yeah

TT: So it's an attractive merperson?

TG: god damn it rose you knew exactly what i meant

TT: So this imaginary male supernatural creature is attractive to you? 

TT: Interesting.

TG: hes not imaginary im not joking

TG: there is a real honest to god merperson on this boat

TT: I'm sure it's a very fun trip, Dave. Now if you'll excuse me, I am trying to complete my psychology course.

TG: wait rose seriously

TG: rose

TG: damn it 

"Well it's not like we can just kill the thing," Dirk muses, which prompts Dave's head to snap upwards.

"Woah, planning a homicide? Major levels of uncool, bro."

Dirk frowns at Dave a little, which is the Strider equivalent of a glare and a snap.

"We're not joking around with this, Dave, it's a matter of safety."

"Uggghh," Dave responds immediately, burying his face in his hands. If there was one thing Dirk cared about more than his extreme robotics projects, it was Dave's safety.

Part of the reason Dave had suggested a vacation was because Dirk was working so intensely on something right now, his entire attention had been consumed by it. Which wasn't good for his sleep. Dave and Roxy had basically pulled an intervention, forcing Dirk to take time off. Of course, because the older Strider was an asshole, he just packed all his computer stuff with him to take on the cruise. Luckily this merman issue seems to be temporarily diverting his attention.

"Maybe Davey don't wanna kill the thing because it's sentient," Roxy offers, pursuing her lips. Dave sighs in relief. Rox to the rescue.

"We have no proof that it's sentient," Dirk argues. "No one's tried communicating with it."

"Uh…" Dave mutters quietly, but both elders turn to look at him immediately. Dirk's eyebrows lower a little.

"Yeah... I actually. Did. Uh. Mildly attempt communication with him."

"You went into the room?" Dirk says quietly (angrily).

"'him'?" Roxy asks almost at the same time.

They both stare at the younger sibling.

"Thought you didn't know much about merperson gender," Dirk adds in agreement.

Dave doesn't know why he's mildly embarrassed by that comment. 

"I don't. I just kinda… I think… he's a him."

Dirk looks unimpressed and Roxy makes a very smug and suggestive face at Dave.

"Well, what kind of communication did you attempt, anyway?" Dirk asks with a sigh.

"Oh, I was a badass," Dave starts, adjusting his round sunglasses. "I was such a good communicator. So much communication happened. I was like the ultimate ambassador, to a completely new species. Obama sent me on the ship so I could meet the alien queen and discuss diplomacy with her. And I was so damn diplomatic, that when I landed on her planet, and walked up to her, I looked her directly in the eyes and said: 'We're communicating. Also we come in peace and stuff.' And she was so thoroughly convinced she dropped to her knees and said; 'We're doing this man. We're making-"

"Can you get to the point, Davey?" Roxy asks sweetly, with much more patience than the author of those words deserved.

"So I tried to say some things and he couldn't hear me."

The two older siblings stare at Dave for a second before Dirk says: "Is that it?"

Dave shrugs. "That's the verbal part. A lot more went on."

Roxy leans forward and narrows her magenta eyes in a smug and expectant look. "Do tell."

After Dave finishes his verbal play-by-play of his entire encounter with the merman (who he's nicknamed in his head Shouty Mcfins), Dirk and Roxy exchange a look and stand up.

"We'll have to discuss it in more detail. I'm going to do a bunch of research before we decide what exactly we're doing with that thing," Dirk says as they leave the room.

"So he's in solitary confinement for the time being?" Dave asks with a frown. "Are you planning for him to starve to death?"

Dirk's nose twitches, a Strider sign of guilt.

The older brother sighs and lifts his hand up as if to rub it through his hair, but then thinks better about ruining the gel and lowers it. He rubs the bridge of his nose instead.

"I don't know, Dave. We'll do what we can for now." Dirk pulls his pointy shades off to rub at his eyes, and Dave catches a glimpse of bright orange before they're hidden again. "Goodnight."

That's Dirk's way of saying 'go to bed and stop arguing with me about this', so Dave sighs and meanders back to his temporary room. The bed from heaven will welcome him with open arms, he's sure. Or… open sheets. Why did that sound so dirty.

But the teenager stops in the middle of the hallway, listening to Dirk and Roxy's footsteps fade away as an idea pops into his head.

He turns around and heads in a different direction than where his room is, trailing his fingers along the walls as he tries to remember the route. His other hand is resting in the comfort of his red hoodie pockets.

Dave stops at a single door, and, in a moment of odd courtesy, considers knocking. He doesn't.

When he opens the door, and then carefully shuts it, it's kind of dark in the room, the only light source is the window, where the last dregs of sunshine are reaching in. Fortunately it only takes that much light to reflect bright and obvious off the firetruck red scales of the creature in the tank.

The merman senses Dave's presence and whips around, causing bubbles in the water. He also predictably starts doing what looks from here like a screaming fit. Ah, good old Shouty McFins. 

"Dude, shut up," Dave mutters, pulling the beef jerky he stole from the cafeteria out of his hoodie pocket. Dave walks closer to the tank without fear, jerky tight in his hand. Shouty seems intimidated by this and shuts up.

Dave reaches for the top of the tank, taking a deep breath. This could be a bad idea. Shouty could jump right out and kill him. 

Shouty McFins does his best impression on someone who really doesn't understand what's happening, tilting his head to the side so his back hair waves over his pointy gray ears.

Dave breathes out slowly. He's just a fish. What's he gonna do, flip across the floor and whap you to death with his tail?

And with that, Dave pops open the top of the tank. He can't help but jump backwards, though. Just in case.

Shouty looks at the lid, and then at Dave, and then at the lid again, and then he surges upwards so quickly that Dave jumps a little. Shouty McFins grabs the sides of the tank with his webbed hands and heaves himself up, water splashing everywhere. Dave takes another step back, squeezing the beef jerky a little.

The merman stares at Dave, his fluffy black hair slicked down with water. Now that it's flattened against his head, Dave can see two horns poking out from the top of Shouty's skull. They're small- no more then nubs- but horns nonetheless. They're bright yellows and oranges, so the horns look very similar to prices of candy corn.

Shouty stares at Dave silently, folding his gray arms so he can rest his chin on top of them on the edge of the tank. Water drips off his hair and shoulders down the side of the tank.

"'Sup?" Dave asks, diplomatic as hell.

Shouty's yellow eyes narrow, and then he clears his throat. 

"Why did you write on the wall?"

The creatures' voice is so oddly low and rough that it sends a physical lurch thorough Dave and he's practically paralyzed. Also, this shouldn't be very surprising, but Shouty is LOUD.

"Wha?" Dave responds intelligently. Shouty rolls his eyes and points to the glass.

"Don't you understand me, asshole? I asked why you wrote 'DAVE' on the ice thing."

Dave follows Shouty's gaze and remembers. And the merman said his name. That's really weird.

"That's my name, my fishy friend," Dave says vaguely. "You can read?"

"Not that well, bulgesack, I just know some symbols." Shouty frowns. "The hell kinda name is Dave?"

"The hell kind of name is Shouty?" Dave counters, before realizing his mistake.

"What?" Shouty asks in confusion, and Dave notices he has a slight overbite that make his sharp teeth much cuter.

"Obviously what I meant by that is 'what's your name'. It's not fair if you have power over my soul and firstborn child but not vice versa. C'mon, spill. What's your name, dude?" Dave's posture relaxes a little, having calmed down.

Shouty frowns in a very self righteous way, before eventually sighing and slumping wearily. "I guess I'm gonna die anyway. I'm Karkat."

"The hell kinda name is _Karkat?_ " Dave asks incredulously, which earned him a glare from the gray merperson.

"My name, duh," he rolls his eyes.

"Of course, man. We'll make a deal," Dave leans forward, feeling much too confident. "I don't call the Name Protective Services on you, and you do the same for me."

"... Okay," the creature agrees carefully, looking mildly confused. "What the hell is that?" He asks, pointing to the jerky. His voice is a bit more squeaky than Dave first realized, but still definitely rough.

"Beef jerky," Dave lifts it up to Karkat's eye level, grinning. "Stole this to share with you so you wouldn't be hungry."

"It's food?" Karkat asks, his eyes lighting up. "Well why the fuck didn't you say so, asswipe?!"

Dave suddenly has a very strong feeling that this is the start of a BEAUTIFUL friendship.


	5. Dirk: Worry About Your Kid

Dirk’s fingers tap incessantly against his desk, the screen in front of him assaulting his sensitive amber eyes with light. It was loudly proclaiming just how late it was, and probably threatening to kill him if he didn’t sleep soon, the way Dirk knew Roxy and Dave would if they were here. Not Rose, though. That girl was mysterious in her ways, weaving tapestries of words to effortlessly manipulate people until she cornered them where she wanted them. Something she’d gotten from Dirk, no doubt. Augh.

But Rose was not the object of the older Striders’ mental turmoil tonight. No, tonight was spent worrying about Dave, the way many many nights in the past had been spent, and undoubtedly many in the future.

As a teen, Dirk had spent countless nights awake simply sitting at Dave’s bedside, staring at the door and hoping to whatever heavenly awarenesses heard that no one would walk in. When Dave had gotten older, he’d started forcing Dirk to actually sleep. Unbeknownst to him, Dirk’s perfected inner clock simply woke him promptly at midnight to take watch again.

He’s spent his whole life looking out for Dave. At least, his whole life barring about three years. The second Dave had come into their world, though— more specifically the apartment— Dirk had realized it would be his job, and his alone, to look after the kid.

Dirk was not a good guardian, by literally any means. He was often too weak and too egotistical to properly plan things out for Dave, and he’d spent less time with his brother once his robotics projects had started showing promise. He’s the definition of awful.

But he’s also all Dave has. However much he may have fucked the kid over when he was only a toddler trying to feed a newborn, he needed to be here for Dave now, when he’s actually mature enough.

But is he mature enough? What if the life they lived screwed with Dirk so much he ends up going off the rails crazy? What if he IS off the rails crazy? Crazy people don’t know when they’re crazy, after all. Although Dirk has a feeling that Roxy would probably let him know if he was getting too much like.... if he was messing up. 

And Roxy’s never had anything but compliments for him!

Ah, there he goes, being stupidly egotistical again. How is he ever going to be able to take care of Dave if he’s always so obsessed with himself? It’s always ‘Dirk’ this and ‘Dirk’ that. Why can’t he just get out of his own head every once in a while?

“What do you think?” Dirk mutters aloud to his current project. It’s sitting, uselessly, on his desk, with tons of wires pouring out of it. Several of which are currently hooked up to his computer, where he’s been coding up a storm for the past few weeks.

This project is intense. It’s probably going to be Dirk’s best yet, if not literally ever. He cannot believe he didn’t think of it before. Actually, maybe it’s better he didn’t. His attention should’ve been on Dave back then, not on his own goddamn self. Jesus Christ. He’s such a megalomaniac it’s not even funny.

The thing is, they found a mermaid today. A real, honest-to-god mermaid. Or merMAN, if Dave is to be believed. Man, Dirk is not going to think about the implications of that. Rose would probably have a field day with her witchy little mind games. She’s been trying to crack Dave open for years. Dirk has no idea if that’s going to work, or if it’s even a good idea, but he’s mostly stayed silent on the matter because he kind of wants to see how it plays out.

Holy fuck, there he goes AGAIN! Not everything is about him. At all. He really needs to tone down the self-obsession.

Anyhow, There’s a potential dangerous merman on the ship and Dirk just potentially sent Dave right towards it.

Oh, who is he kidding. He DID send Dave directly towards it. By telling Dave to stay away, he was essentially dooming him to this. Of course, the one time Dirk tries to act like a non-manipulative good person, and it leads to this.

Dirk really doesn’t want to manipulate Dave into staying away. But it’s in his nature, so of course he’s going to do it and settle for feeling fucking awful the whole time. 

Can he stop Dave, though? It may already be too late. In fact, anything he tries may only serve to entice Dave further. Damn it. He could be driven by mild teenage rebelliousness, or worse, CURIOSITY. 

Dirk is glad that Dave’s being curious. Considering Dave grew up in a house where emoting was punishable by beating, it really is important to encourage feeling whenever Dirk sees it.

However, it’s also important to watch out for Dave and not let anything, especially some weird-ass merman, hurt him.

Dirk deliberates between texting Dave or what to text him or whether it’s best to be involved at all for a solid thirty minutes. 

Eventually he comes up with what he thinks is the best possible plan: asking Roxy to text him instead, and lay out for her what needs to be done. That way Dirk stays completely out of the situation. Genius.

Dirk shoots Roxy a text explaining that he wants Dave to know he needs to stay away from the merman, but he doesn’t want to bring it up himself. Roxy, the perfect gem she is, answers that she’ll get right on it. Christ, he doesn’t deserve his sister.

Dirk is peacefully working on his project again for about five minutes before he realizes that by asking Roxy to do it, he’s manipulating her loyalty to him and also Dave’s emotional attachment to Roxy in order to get Dave to do what he wants. God DAMN IT.  
Of course he thought it was okay to move his siblings around like chess pieces on a board. He’s so goddamn manipulative, it hurts.

At least Roxy still seems to like him, as misguided as that is.

Dirk falls asleep at his desk with the computer still on.


	6. Dave: Regard Sister With Mild Sincerity

“Nuh-Uh, dude, raw fish is gross,” Dave says, talking with half a beef jerky stick hanging out his mouth as he gnaws on it. Karkat seems to puff up, ripping a piece off his own stick with his sharp teeth.

“It’s not MY fault you have terrible goddamn taste,” Karkat snarls. He snarls a lot. It’s actually very funny, and Dave has managed to get twelve snarls and two screams out of Shouty McFins since they’ve sat here eating their jerky. It’s probably not wise to make a game out of riling Karkat up when Dave’s trying to be discreet, but he’s never been good at lying. So what he’s talking to the weird ass shouty merman, who’s gonna stop him.

“Screw you, my taste in everything is more sensible then your entire brain,” Dave responds easily. Banter like this is what he’s perfect for, and the only other person who really humors him about it is Rose. Karkat’s much different then Rose, though: he doesn’t hide what he’s thinking, and he in fact seems to have a need to let everyone know exactly what he’s thinking at any given moment.

It’s as refreshing as it is annoying.

“You wouldn’t know true dining if it smacked you in the face,” Karkat spits.

“Well smack me in the face then,” Dave retorts, and then smirks at his own joke. Karkat is confused for a second before he understands and promptly lunges backward while surging his tail forward, causing water to splash over the side of the tank and onto where Dave is lying on the floor.

“Hey!” He sputters, sitting up and shaking some of the water off his hoodie. “What the hell, dude.”

Karkat grins, sharklike and triumphant, and it’s almost better then his glares of evil.

“Damn, I’m all Leo DiCaprio-ing up in this place,” Dave mutters, before patting himself down. Karkat’s head tilts slightly to the side and his tail swishes slowly back and forth.

“Who?”

“Leo Di— ohmygod. You didn’t have T.V. underwater, did you?”

“What?” Karkat asks, his eyebrows furrowing together, “the HELL are you talking about?”

“Oh my GOD,” Dave says, grinning like a kid on Christmas. He quickly slips his face back to neutral, but inside he stays excited. “Okay, so, underwater, did you guys ever have, like, actors who acted out stuff but it wasn’t real and they got paid to do it?”

Karkat chews on his bottom lip. “You mean like a play?”

“Yeah! Like that. Well imagine if I could tell you... that humans had figured out ways to preserve plays in magical artifacts... so we could watch them whenever we wanted?”

“I’d say you’re bullshitting me, and also that you’re stupid and I hate you,” Karkat rasps, yellow eyes glaring.

“All possible. But no, I’m being serious. I’ll go get my laptop right now. Don’t go anywhere.”

Dave is out the door before the merman has time to say a word in edgewise, and en route back to his room. His brain is still processing this whole “merman” thing, honestly. Luckily, it’s in Dave’s nature to act cool when he’s inwardly freaking out.

In the dark hallway, he allows himself a slow breath in and out. Because apparently mermaids are real. But it’s whatever, really. That’s not too big a shock, it’s not as if Dave has any strong opinions on mermaids.

Shouty McFins, though. Karkat. He’s an odd dude. Loud, and rude, and obviously hates Dave’s guts. Or maybe all humans? Or maybe just everyone.

In any case, he doesn’t like Dave. Dave turns that over in his head quietly. Karkat doesn’t like Dave. Angry Karkat is very entertaining. Dave just being in the same room as him is bound to grant him some points on the Karkat Snarl Scale.

Dave smiles. This boat trip may not be the most relaxing one ever, but Dave sure as hell is gonna make sure it’s fun. Karkat will warm to him eventually. Nobody can resist the Strider charm.

Dave retrieves his laptop and hugs it against his chest as he speedwalks back to the fish tank room. When he opens the door, Karkat is under the water again, and squints for a minute before he surfaces and shakes out his hair like a dog.

Dave holds up his laptop in way of a greeting and Karkat rolls his eyes in way of a response. What a nice little dynamic they’ve got going on here.

Dave sits, cross-legged, on the floor, and Karkat leans over the edge of the tall tank the best he can to see.

“I don’t fucking believe you, by the way,” Karkat snaps, “I’m just trying to see what this prank is meant to be.”

“I’m serious, dude, this is definitely like a play. Only more interesting and with better special effects.” Dave opens the laptop and as it lights up, Karkat gasps a little. Haha. Merman who doesn’t get tech.

“What kinda movies... uh, plays did you like?” Dave asks, typing away.

“Wow, way to assume I’m rolling in money and see plays all the time,” the merman growls, and his tail swishes. Dave shrugs and just starts looking up the movie he was going to play anyway.

“It’s whatever dude. Not everyone has awesome taste in movies. Not like me, anyway, because I have the best taste in everything. Literally everyone says so. Except for my sister and my other sister, but that’s only seventy percent of the people who know me, so don’t trust their judgment.”

“Romance,” Karkat mutters. “I liked romance plays.”

Dave allows himself the smallest of smiles. “Then you are going to love this.”

‘Titanic’ boots up, and Dave tilts the screen back so that Karkat can see better from his vantage point above him.

Karkat gets very invested right away, and gets very angry at the running commentary Dave keeps that sometimes doesn’t even have anything to do with the movie itself.

After Karkat blows up about Dave “shutting his goddamn wordpiece or so help him he’ll jump out of this tank and beat Dave to death with his own gravity stumps”, Dave decides to fall silent for at least half a minute.

He makes it to twenty seconds before his laptop buzzes.

“Ah, sorry man, I’ve gotta take this. You know how it is. Show producers always at my beck and call. Can’t get the ladies to leave me alone. People wanting a piece of Strider everywhere,” Dave says, and clicks out of the movie.

Karkat screeches and splashes Dave, which may or may not be entirely deserved. Dave opens up Pesterchum and checks his messages, realizing that it’s kinda late.

“Huh, my sister’s texting me.”

“Your sister is whatting you?” Karkat snaps, his sharp teeth showing.

Dave points at the screen. “Humans use these symbols to communicate when we aren’t around each other. That way we can still get info, even if we’re not there to talk.”

Karkat falls silent and leans closer. “Could you talk to someone across the ocean?”

Dave nods absentmindedly, reading the texts. “Anywhere, man. Anyway I’ve got to answer her so just hold on a minute.”

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:23 PM

TG: hey daveey!

TG: do u have a mo to talk?

TG: ;)

TG: hey rox

TG: whats up

TG: i know this seems silly (dw it seemed silly 2 me too!) but i think DiStri is knda worried abt u 

TG: why what did i do this time

TG: don’t play dumb 2 ur older sister dave :(

TG: okay fine

TG: can you really blame me though

TG: this merman is like hella entertaining 

TG: hes really awesome actually super angry and he cant stand me

TG: 

TG: okay so i realize how that sounds but actually he’s not that bad

TG: were watching titanic right now ive never seen anyone more invested in this stupidass relationship 

TG: uh huh

TG: listen dave 

TG: dirk is obviously not doin 2 hot rn but hes doin better then he was a year ago and thats all that matters

TG: its important that u try to help as well!

TG: liek, some 1 gotta keep him happy. not that its our responsibility 2 keep him happy but u shouldn't give him unnecessary anxiety either yaknow? 

TG: and the only person he reeeeeeally cares abt the well-being of is u

TG: bs he loves you and rose too

TG: im not sayin he dont! im just sayin ur v important 2 him, for personal health reasons n such

TG: and im worried abt u too davey :(

TG: we dont know this merman n we dont know his angle or what he wants

TG: just sayin you should be cautious 

TG: and mayyyybe try 2 give dirk less gray hairs

TG: hes already such a goddamn old man

TG: haha

TG: yeah

TG: okay

TG: sorry rox

TG: love you!! <3 

TG: you too

Dave shuts the laptop slowly and Karkat makes and odd clicking noise of annoyance. (Like a dolphin but way lower pitched).

“Change of plans, dude”, Dave says kind of guiltily. He’s not sure if he’s guilty for making Roxy and Dirk worried or if he’s guilty for leaving the merman alone. Probably the former. “Like I said, the ladies can’t get enough of me. And by that I mean I have to go.”

“But what about Jack and Rose—“ Karkat starts, but sees that the laptop is already closed and switches. “Ugh. Finally. You’ll leave me alone here to die in peace. You’re an annoying asshole, by the way.”

“So I’ve heard,” Dave agrees, standing up. “And yet everyone loves me anyway. See you later.”

“Get going already!” Karkat snaps.

As Dave is walking to his room, he thinks about what the merman might mean when he always says that he’s going to die.


	7. Karkat: Think About Rose

Karkat Vantas is curled up on the hard icy bottom of his weird container, which is befitting of a creature as low-ranking as he is. 

He’s pondering his current situation, wondering just how final it really is. It seemed like he was going to be immediately killed at first, but that idea has worn off a little. Since he’s now been here for a full day and a full night, Karkat’s pretty sure that maybe the humans are angling to torture him before they kill him, or something. Which would probably suck, but Karkat knows that it’s better then being his best friend Sollux, who would get tortured a LOT more were the humans to discover his magic.

Even this theory has lost a little momentum, however, because the only people who have been in this room to see him were a few tall and scraggly humans that looked like typical seafarers. Also a tall man with a blank, piercing gaze who had stood and stared at Karkat very unnervingly for about five minutes before he came to a conclusion and left the room without a word.

And, of course, Dave.

My word, there was Dave.

If Karkat had personally tried to design the most annoying person to ever exist, he thinks it would only be a bit removed from Dave. Dave somehow transcends what Karkat’s imagination is capable of coming up with. He’s the biggest and most absolute fake loser Karkat has ever met, and he’s met a lot of fake losers.

Dave doesn’t seem to say anything without layering it in a thick mess of jumbled up words and phrases and pop culture references that do not make sense to Karkat on any number of levels. Karkat’s never thought of himself as good at reading people, but now he realizes he’s never before had to deal with someone who literally doesn’t change facial expressions. Ever. It was downright creepy, and slightly insulting, that Dave couldn’t act like a genuine living being. Not to mention the weird hard black shells that cover his eyes (how does he see?)— no one can tell what his eyes look like.

It’s downright exhausting, and almost embarrassing. It’s the stupidest thing Karkat has ever seen or heard of, and he could not be more curious.

Because it’s new. Despite the fact that literally absolutely everything is wrong with Dave, there’s just a sort of... natural curiosity that comes with meeting a member of a totally different species. If Karkat has to guess, he’d say that Dave was even around the same age as he was. How oddly convenient. They were almost built to find each other mutually fascinating, fated to—

Woah, woah, ew. We don’t do the ‘fate and destiny’ talk anymore. Bad. Bad idea.

But of course, if Karkat Vantas was to be fated to meet anybody, it’d be an insufferable jackass like Dave. 

The most interesting thing so far was, no contest, Dave’s “Lap Top”, a sort of magical item where he kept preserved and displayed information.

If Karkat had to describe it to a fellow mer, he’d say it was some kind of stone tablet, but it really wasn’t anything like that. It was so far beyond his understanding of what could exist in the world that it wasn’t even funny. It could contact people from far away, it could view actors and plays that Dave hadn’t even been to. 

Dave has called it ‘magic’, and that’s all Karkat could really say it was. But he had a feeling that it wasn’t something that ancient or primal, that it was something... different.

And Dave had taken Karkat to see a play, for Free. Plays were very expensive things— well, maybe not that expensive. But for a mutant in hiding, most things were expensive. Plays were something that Crabdad only took him and Kankri to see on Very Special Occasions, like Kankri’s sixteenth birthday. That was a very good day— they’d seen a play called “Romeo and Juliet”, and though Karkat could spend hours listing its many flaws, there was just something about the romances that kept bringing him back to it.

There was a time period where Kanaya and her mother had been working on costuming for shows, and Karkat used to meet up with her at day just so she could describe the story to him. Sometimes Nepeta came, too, but she largely preferred stories that had talking animals or something cool that interested her.

It was nice to interact with members of his pod in that way. Karkat knew he might never actually get deployed with his pod, because of his unfortunate mutant status, but it was nice to hang out with them when he could. Kanaya and Nepeta were both fairly nice; Kanaya being a hardworking Jade and Nepeta being an Olive huntress. They both had nice jobs and lives already set out for them, plus it helped that they were pretty much set in the middle class.

Karkat’s annoying asshole friend Sollux also spent a lot of time with him as well. Sollux has some issues similar to Karkat’s, which was where their friendship was the strongest— in complaining about being different. Sollux was a Gold merman, so he didn’t have a job set out and ready for him, but he seemed to like decoding human shit that his Rust girlfriend Aradia brought back from her “adventures”. Both of them were a part of Karkat’s pod as well. 

Aradia was kind of nuts. Seeing as she was the lowest color one could possibly be— a Burgundy Rust— she didn’t seem to care much for their society at all, and was often far away scoping out pirate wrecks so she could study Humanity, which was apparently much more interesting. 

Karkat was well aware that she was gone for long periods of time, not because he was good friends with Aradia, but because Sollux would _not_ shut up about missing her whenever she was gone. From a romantic perspective, Karkat found that kind of adorable; but from a reality perspective, being subjected to Sollux’s bipolar mood swings when he was angsting out is NOT a fun experience.

There were several other mers in their pod— one of each color, as the tradition goes, excepting Karkat on account of him being a mutant. Karkat had met each pod member on the whole rainbow scale at least once. Some of them were particularly displeasing, such as the Violet Eridan. Being practically royalty, Eridan seemed to think he was entitled to everything, all the time, which was possibly the most disgusting thing ever. 

The only color higher then Violet is Fuchsia, which is literal actual royalty. Most pods don’t have a Fuchsia member, simply because they are so rare, but Karkat’s did. That didn’t mean she was to be deployed with them— being the heir to the throne was probably a lot more important then being deployed with her pod— but Feferi had seemed like a cheerful enough kid, the one time Karkat had seen her from a distance. He doesn’t know much about her, except that she was dating Eridan, mostly only because Eridan wouldn’t shut up about that. God, was Eridan annoying.

The other two highbloods had been weird, but not quite as annoying. Gamzee, a Purple, has seemed out of it for almost all of their scheduled meetup. Karkat and Kanaya has agreed without a doubt that he was probably pufferfished. Despite this Gamzee seemed able to talk to them, and kind of an agreeable dude, even if nothing he said made much sense. The Indigo, Equius, wasn’t as annoying as he was weird. He stared a lot, and seemed to not care about much other then the order of hierarchy (he didn’t even look at Aradia or Karkat). He was dating Nepeta though, which Karkat found odd, but she said he was actually really sweet if you got to know him.

The other few mers in their pod were absolute nerds. Not to say the most weren’t, but the last three had made gaming (specifically FLARPing) their entire lives. A Bronze named Tavros who was basically bullied constantly by two much more competent FLARPers, a Teal named Terezi and a Cerulean named Vriska.

Terezi and Vriska were downright scary, basically inseparable and always cackling evilly to eachother about some new scheme. Karkat doesn’t know how Tavros survives being around them— orangebrown, or “Bronze”, is the second lowest you can be (before Rust) and it really shows in how weak Tavros is. There’s no way he could ever keep up with a Teal and Cerulean, so why he tries is certainly a wonder.

Out of the twelve members of Karkat’s pod, almost all of them are very weird, very gross, or both. The only possible exception to this rule is Kanaya, who has way too much class to ever go wrong.

Karkat’s glad he got her as a podmate, anyway. He’d rather have her then whoever Kankri had in his pod.

Kankri is very, very annoying, and he talks such big game about social justice and accepting Color diversity for someone who is literally a mutant, but he still is Karkat’s brother. And sometimes that means he has advice. A lot of that advice is really dumb, but some of the oddest has to do with pod deployment.

Kankri talks a lot about how to stay safe in a pod, how to know who you can trust, how to stay away from mers who will kill you for being a mutant. Personally Karkat thinks that Kankri has no say on the subject, considering he didn’t ever leave for his deployment (Kankri had decided it would be much safer to stay with his dad and brother, and Crabdad had been fine with that. Being a mutant isn’t all that great). But Karkat finds himself listening more as he grows older, because he does plan on being deployed, and some of that info about painting his scales to look like Burgundy Rust sounds helpful.

Karkat sighs and stretches. He shouldn’t have stayed up all day with Dave, but the play had been very interesting, and he couldn’t really ask the human to leave. 

Even though Dave did leave. And he left the top of this container popped open. 

Karkat might have tried to do something about that, but he doesn’t see what jumping out of this tank would even do for him besides suffocation.

So he tries to go to sleep.

But what about Rose and Jack?

__

_“Augh, I feel so bad for Rose,” Karkat says, leaning over the side of the tank. He’d just dived under the water to wet his skin again as fast as possible to not miss anything._

_Dave bites his lip a little, a pure and easy sign of holding back a smile._

_“What’s funny?” Karkat snaps, annoyed at him for interrupting the play but proud he can tell what Dave is doing._

_“Oh, uh, it’s not mad funny or anything. It’s just that my sister’s name is Rose so it’s weird to hear you say that.”_

_“Oh. You have a sister?” Karkat asks, realizing maybe Dave’s mentioned this before, even, and he forgot. “I’m surprised she hasn’t died from overexposure to your stupid and putrid face.”_

_“Me too, dawg. Dunno how she does it. Maybe cuz we only actually met a year ago. Also, I got two sisters.”_

_“You only met your sister a year ago?” Karkat blinks. This sounds a little ludicrous._

_“Yeah. Some mad wicked scheme involved keeping me separate from my twin for who knows how long for some reason, till my older siblings went ‘kachow kachow, that ain’t happening,’ and then we all met up and moved in together and ta-da, here we are today.”_

_Karkat doesn’t understand most of that and he wants to ask for more information, but he remembers the play is still on and refocuses on that for now._

_He’ll drill Dave another time._

__

——————

Tap tap tap.

Karkat rolls over. 

“Five more minutes,” he mutters.

Tap tap tap. Tap.

“Kankri, leave me ALONE,” Karkat snaps, sitting up, and then immediately jerks backwards when his eyes meet the dark and pointy face of a human.

“Hello,” it says, face still neutral. Karkat almost thought this human was Dave, but that isn’t correct— it’s much bigger, and pointier. It seems to have the same stupidly blank face, though.

“Hello?” Karkat responds, glad the top of this container is open and allowing contact. He swims up to the top and pulls himself out, resting his folded arms on the edge of the ice-like wall. “What the hell do you want, and why are you bothering me right now?”

Karkat bites his tongue and regrets immediately— maybe he should be more polite around his kidnappers? Dave doesn’t seem to care about his outbursts, but that’s just Dave.

“Hmm.” The human says, tilting his head to the side so his oddly light and pointy hair swishes a little. “Of course.”

Karkat bares his teeth a little, but sinks downward. The human snaps out of whatever funk he’s stuck in.

“Right. What do you want with my brother?”

Karkat blinks very slowly. “Who?”

“Please don’t play dumb with me. He’s the only person who’s been talking to you.”

“Oh! Dave. You could’ve just said, idiot,” Karkat growls, and then coughs and backtracks quickly. “Uh? What was the qu— what do I want with Dave? I don’t know, why don’t you ask HIM what he wants with ME? He’s the one who waltzed in here at the odd hours of the day just to torment me.”

The pointy human stares at Karkat for several long seconds.

“I see,” he says finally. “I’m sorry.”

“Wh... oh. Yeah. Uh, thanks? But I’d rather you just yell at him. That would satisfy me more then some half-asses apology from someone else.”

Something changes and the pointy human leans backwards. “That’s fair. What’s your name?”

“I’m Karkat. Which is a NORMAL NAME. Dave’s just stupid.”

“He is stupid,” the human agreed surprisingly, “and you may call me Dirk.”

“Dirk. No offense, but that’s weird.”

“Likewise.”

Karkat swishes his bright Red tail uncomfortably.

“So, are you in charge of the idiots here?”

Dirk stares from behind his pointy faceware, supposedly. “You could say that.”

“Awesome. What are you planning to do with me? How much do you want to kill me? And will torture be involved? I understand you probably wouldn’t tell me your evil plans, but can’t hurt to ask.”

Dirk thinks about this for a moment. Maybe. It’s hard to tell.

“I don’t know.” He says finally, and then he turns around and leaves.

“What the fuck does that mean?!” Karkat yells after him, only more agitated. He’s lived in fear his whole life, but the Condesce and the army made it perfectly clear what they would do to mutants if they found any.

Dirk is being infuriating.

If he’s related to Dave, he’s probably doing it on purpose.

timaesTestified [TT] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 3:07 AM

TT: I’ve spoken to it.

TG: told ya it was probably fine. we kidnapped him, after all!

TG: poor things prolly scared outta his wits

TT: It certainly is.

TT: However I’m not sure it’s fair of us to let such a discovery go back to the water.

TG: :((((

TT: Roxy.

TG: :(((((((((

TG: thast his HOME, DiStri! howd u like it if i took u away from davey ?

TT: Don’t do this, Roxy. You know how much we could get for something like this.

TG: since wehn do we need money???

TG: *when

TG: we rollin in cash rn, mr fncypants. 

TT: Not necessarily money, Roxy.

TG: yeahh well do u wanna b famous?

TG: u really want ur name out in public?

TG: u really want news reporters to know where u live and ask abt our life?

TT: ...

TT: Maybe it would be best to return the merman back to the ocean after a few pictures.

TG: :D !!!!!!!!!

TT: Go to sleep, Roxy. It’s three AM.

TG: u too brobro!!!!

TT: Fine. Goodnight.

TG: nite! <3

TT: <3


	8. Dave: Feel Guilty And Curious

The sun has risen, the ship is going steadily, and Dave Strider is laying on his bed with a melancholy kind of tiredness.

He’s only just woke up, but he’s already confused and a little annoyed about the last two days. Dirk seems to be locking himself in his room for the time being, which is super annoying because it means he’s working on his dumb project. He’d been in there all day yesterday, so Dave had had nothing to do and he’d sat in his room, wishing he could at least go bother Karkat but trying to be a better brother and stay away.

Roxy has tried and failed to get both of the Striders out of their rooms, but Dirk is wrapped up in whatever he’s doing, and Dave is being a brat and pouting in here. She eventually announced that she was going to go to the On-Boat Spa with Jane, Mr. Egbert’s daughter, and she’s stopped pestering Dave since.

He’s glad. Roxy should be having fun; she’s the one who payed god-knows-how-much just to get this vacation for them in the first place. Of course something absolutely ridiculous would come between them, like the appearance of a merman.

Karkat had been alone all day yesterday, since Dave had basically ditched him the night before. Dave hopes to himself that the merman wasn’t scared or lonely. Karkat screamed a lot, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t deserving some annoying.

Dave kind of really wants to go in there and be rude, and rile him up, and get some sort of hilarious reaction that would definitely lift his spirits. But he knows that he’s not supposed to talk to the creature. And he really does want to keep his word to Roxy.

Ugh.

Dave needs some advice.

He rolls over and grabs his iPhone, which was sitting on the side table with the lamp, and opens Pesterchum.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 9:13 AM

TG: yo yo yo 

TG: whats up my rad twin sister 

TG: you got a minute 

TT: As a matter of fact, I unfortunately do. 

TT: What do you need.

TG: some advice 

TT: Oh dear.

TT: Oh my.

TT: It seems I have suddenly fallen quite ill, or perhaps experienced a stroke, because there is no way I read those words right without some sort of optical hallucination present.

TG: yeah youre definitely very sick

TG: thats what happens when you talk to me

TG: im just too funk and too fresh

TG: basically crawling with germs and parasites from my ill beats

TG: my music is so sick that you vomit just thinking about it

TT: I do indeed vomit when I think about your music.

TT: What is it you actually wanted, brother dearest?

TG: so dirks locked himself in his room

TT: I expected as much.

TT: His current project is only slightly above the difficulty level of government official secret scientists.

TG: okay well whatever 

TG: roxy wants us to hang out with her but we were both being pissy babies and now she’s hanging out with jane 

TT: Jane Egbert, the first mate?

TG: yeah howd you know?

TT: Rude to assume you’re the only one who texts your sister.

TG: roxy said dirk is afraid of me talking to the merman but hes the only interesting thing on this boat rn tbh

TG: but

TG: theyre old i can afford to disappoint a few boomers

TG: obviously i dont actually care im just wondering what you would do in the situation 

TT: Well, were I in the situation where I had roped several of my siblings into pretending there was a merman on board, I’d feel rather proud of myself.

TT: As for disappointing them I think you needn’t worry. 

TT: Roxy knows what she’s getting into when she asks you not to do something.

TG: hm

TT: What’s he like?

TT: This “Merman”?

TG: oh god i wish you were on this boat to meet him

TG: hes so angry and annoyed all the time itd be so funny to watch you pick him apart

TG: youd be all ‘karkat do you have daddy issues’ and hed say ‘what the fuck is that’

TT: You’ve named him.

TG: ew no i wouldnt subject any creature to the name karkat 

TT: Also you seem to have forgotten that I will be joining you on the boat, after you’ve passed Washington. 

TT: I’ll be there for the journey back.

TG: oh damn youre right

TG: well get exited and start preparing a weird therapy questionnaire

TG: you just gotta mess with karkat for me

TT: If I start seeing this apparition, I shall seek immediate help from the local psychiatrist.

TG: aight well start googling 

TG: bye rose 

TT: Goodbye, Dave.

That settles that.

Dave leaps out of bed, throwing one of his ratty old red t-shirts on and pulling on a pair of jeans before staggering out the door.

He isn’t looking where he’s going, which normally wouldn’t be an issue, but this time it is because as he’s doing up his fly he runs smack into someone standing in the hall.

Dave jerks backward, instantly into a defensive stance and reaching to his belt with his hand. Mr. Egbert is standing there, arms crossed and staring. Though Dave has never experienced it firsthand, he can feel the parental disappointment radiating off the man.

“Uh, hey, I was just...”

“You were just going to go to the merman’s room, weren’t you?”

It’s very hard to tell what Mr. Egbert is thinking— right now his face is stony, in a badly familiar way, and Dave is feeling himself straighten up and become more paralyzed.

“Y... yeah.”

Mr. Egbert nods, with a slightly grim and disappointed expression. Dave’s shoulders relax at the emotion on his face.

The man leans forward and placed a hand on Dave’s shoulder. 

“He was all alone yesterday. That’s not any way to treat a guest, is it?”

Dave’s mind is reeling, and he looks at Mr. Egbert in confusion. Karkat was alone yesterday. Is that a way to treat a guest? Dave hasn’t exactly had any “guests” over growing up... from the look on the adults’ face, the answer was probably no.

“I’ll go... apologize?” Dave tries, his insides squirming wildly as he’s not sure if that was the right thing to say.

Mr. Egbert smiles. “That would be very polite of you.” He removes his hand from Dave’s shoulder and begins walking past the teen and down the hall.

He waves absentmindedly over his shoulder as he’s walking away. “Don’t stay holed up in your room anymore, this is supposed to be fun. And say hi to Karkat for me!”

And then he’s gone.

Dave is left standing in the middle of the hallway, left hand fidgeting with his belt loops in the absence of anything else to grab. His heart rate is still kind of high, so he takes a deep breath, pushes up his shades, and walks down towards the fish tank room, laptop tucked under his arm.

This time, he knocks on the door. Dave hears a startled yelp and a splash from inside the room, so he smiles a little to himself and pushes inside.

Karkat is floating in his cylinder tank, hair above his head and bubbles still fizzing around.

“You asshole,” Karkat chokes out from under the water, and then he pulls himself up over the side of the glass.

Dave grins for a second, setting his laptop on the closest dry part of the floor he can.

“So, uh, yesterday was a tad bit insane. I was so busy, you know, signing autographs, kissing babies, I was basically being run over by mobs of horny women. And men. I’m that attractive,” Dave went on, powering up his laptop. “So you must’ve been alone the whole day, which must’ve been pretty great, but now I’m here to annoy your socks off again—“

“You can just say,” Karkat spits, his eyes lit up like always.

“Huh?” Dave asks, looking up.

“You can just SAY that you don’t want to be here. Or around me. I don’t need your pity. Or your laughter. I’m sure your whole species gets a great kick out of making fun of Karkat Vantas, ooh, isn’t it so funny he’s mutant and ugly?!”

“Wh... what about being mutant and ugly?” Dave blinks. “I actually would like hanging out with you all day, dude.”

“What, you think I can’t sleep without a babysitter?” Karkat snaps angrily. It seems he really is pissed. Maybe Dave’s done something really wrong.

“No, I— why would you be sleeping during the day?”

Karkat opens his mouth, filled with fire, and then suddenly he freezes and the fire dies. “Wh... why wouldn’t I be sleeping during the day?”

The two boys stare at each other until they realize that maybe there’s several cultural misunderstandings happening here, and the tension leaks out of the room.

“Is your last name really ‘Vant-ass’?” Dave asks with a slight quirk to his mouth, and just like that Karkat puffs up again. 

“Vantas!”

“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Dave agrees. “Now look dude, I didn’t realize that you were nocturnal. Would you rather me visit at night? Cuz I don’t wanna interrupt your beauty sleep. You seriously need it.”

Karkat hisses a little. “Yes, I’d prefer that.”

“Coolio. Anyway. What I meant to say earlier was that I’m sorry for ditching you. Truce?”

Dave holds out his hand, palm open. The merman stares at it warily for a few seconds, but before Dave can pull it back he reaches forward to shake it. Karkat’s skin is thick and smooth at the same time, which doesn’t make sense and feels very strange on Dave’s palm. They both pull away quickly enough that Dave can’t ponder on it.

“Wanna finish ‘Titanic’?”

“Yes. Obviously. You’re really obtuse.”

Dave pulls up the movie, brushing some of his blonde hair out of his eyes. “Oh, and uh, Mr. Egbert says hi.”

Karkat snorts. “That human is a mystery. What a strange thing. Basically radiates lusus energy.”

“What’s a lusus, Mr. Vant-ass?”

Karkat snarls slightly (one point Dave!) and clicks softly. “You don’t know what a lusus is? Like, the person who sort of raises you? Most likely blood related?”

“Oh, you mean parent. Could’ve just said.” Music starts playing off the laptop. “Yeah, Jane’s dad is the biggest dad around.”

They argue over the ending of the movie and over whether or not it was romantic or just blatantly stupid for hours, and when they go past that they start arguing about more mundane things like how ugly Dave is or whether or not the sun kills all life on earth.

“Well, favorites is kind of a famous icebreaker,” Dave hums. “Like color. Wanna know the most secret Dave Strider deets? My favorite color is red.”

Karkat shoots him a slightly horrified look. “Are you making fun of me?”

“What? No. Red’s just really nice. Dark, deep, but also fiery and can accost your eyes,” Dave grins in a way that normally means he’s thinking about stupid webcomics. “Not as much as neon yellow, so only a true pro can hurt your eyes with red. Also on a more metal side, red blood.”

Karkat looks away, and the water causes some sort of optical illusion where it looks like his face flushes a little. He looks like an anime character for a moment, all blushed out.

Dave kind of wants to do something that makes Karkat blush more, but he also kind of never wants to see that again. He changes the subject.

“Your turn. C’mon. Favorite color. Everyone has one, man.”

Karkat growls from where he’s laying on his back. It’s a good this his voice carries through water (magic?) or it would be hard to understand him.

“That seems blatantly hemophobic, not to sound like Kankri.” Karkat sighs loudly, blowing bubbles into the water. “Jade is pretty nice.”

“Like, green?” Dave asks, resting his chin in his hands. “Any particular reason?”

“Yeah. Middle class. Jadebloods have it nice. Plus my friend Kanaya is one—“

“Woah woah, pump the breaks a second,” Dave holds up a hand. “Pump those breaks like it’s a manually operated life support machine. Jade... bloods?”

It would make sense that mermen could have differently colored blood then humans, but it sounds like only some of them do?

“Yeah. Mers with Jade blood. Do humans not have Jadebloods?” Karkat asks quizzically. “Man, I always knew you guys had an ass-backward civilization.”

“Nah man we don’t have... anything bloods. All red here.”

Karkat turns his head so he can meet Dave’s gaze (he wouldn’t know it, though, because of the shades). His yellow eyes are glowing softly.

“You’re... Redbloods. All of you?”

“All of us. Unless someone here is weirdly mutant and I don’t know about it.”

Karkat winces. “Wow, rude. I’m a mutant.”

Dave sits up, breaking their eye contact. 

“Really? Aw, dude, that’s HELLA cool.”

“No it isn’t!” Karkat _explodes_ , shooting upright, “It is NOT cool! I’m terrified for my life! I’m an awful, useless, mutant all of the time; my family is constantly in hiding because we can’t afford the Condesce’s attention! We can't leave the cave or visit friends, my dad can't get a job, we have to stay off the map! We're super poor and at risk of a culling because of my stupid blood!”

Something red pools around his eyes in the water and he quickly rubs at his face. He’s _crying_.

Dave sucks in a breath and takes a step backward, looking anywhere but Karkat.

“Hey— dude. Man. Buddy. Uh,” he wrings his hands a little. “Karkat.”

The merman stops rubbing at his face and glowers up at Dave.

“That’s... it’s really not great that all that happened to you. But you’re here now, right? Alive and kicking?”

Karkat stares, yellow light from his eyes filtering through the water.

“You’re unfortunately still able to come and be pissy here on this boat at me, and scream my ear off about dumb movies for girls. That counts for something, right?”

Dave places his hand against the glass like he did the first time, palm facing the merman invitingly.

“You don’t have to do anything special to be useful. And you don’t have to be useful to be worthy. My sister told me that, she’s super pretentious,” Dave adds.

Karkat stares at him for several seconds before he tentatively reaches forward and presses his webbed palm on the other side of the glass, against Dave’s.

“That’s stupid,” He croaks in his rough voice.

“Yeah, she’s annoying,” Dave agrees, his face feeling really hot, but he doesn’t pull his hand away. “Now do you wanna tell me about your society’s blood thing? Unless it’d make you upset. It sounds really interesting.”

Karkat scoffs. “More like oppressive. And as if I’d pass up a chance to lecture you on how entitled you are, you spoiled idiot,” he pulls his hand away so he can climb above the water again, and Dave lets his drop to his side. The human teen sits cross legged on the floor, preparing for a lot of yelling.

“Fair enough.”


	9. Karkat: Do Not Find Humans Attractive

“So it goes... Red, Bronze, Gold, Olive, Jade, Teal, Cerulean, Indigo, Purple, Violet, and Fushia.”

“Yes.” Karkat confirms, mildly impressed. Dave caught on surprisingly quickly. Or maybe not, he had no idea how humans worked. Maybe they only needed a few hours of yelling to process information. “Although the last one is actually called Rust. And supposedly there used to be Limebloods, but it’s illegal to talk about them.”

“Wow, dystopian much?” Dave chuckles. Karkat’s ribs squeeze, which is very rude of them. “But you’re... bright red. Which isn’t actually a color.”

“No. I’m a mutant. And so is my brother.” Karkat sighs and swishes, watching his lobster-colored tail ripple the water. 

“Yeah I think I got all that. But what’s so bad about being different anyway? Why does the Condesce want to kill you?”

Karkat shrugs helplessly. “Well, I’m really easy to spot, for one. Easy picking for big sharks and stuff.”

Dave sucks in a breath from where he’s lying with his hands pillowing the back of his head.

“Plus, Like, and ancestor of mine who was a mutant tried to overthrow her. So she’s mad about that.”

“Dude, OUCH,” Dave says. “It’s a good thing you’re here with us then.” 

Karkat’s heart pangs.  
Then Dave suddenly backtracks. “Uh, not that the mer world is bad. Or that you like it here. Actually, forget what I just said.”

“No... you’re right,” Karkat grumbles, avoiding the humans’ gaze. “If it weren’t for the stale water and lack of food, I’d probably be having a blast not dying.”

“Stale water?” The teen asks, his shades tilting slightly.

“Yeah,” Karkat waves his arm through the water to gesture at it. “This isn’t, like, a body of water. It isn’t coming from a fresh source. Dunno if it’s a magic thing, but I’m not supposed to be in stale water. I’ll die.”

“You’ll _die_?” Dave asks, scrambling up onto his knees.

“Yeah,” Karkat shrugs. Dave is pulling his lap top towards himself. “Probably.”

Karkat can’t tell what Dave is thinking, due to his constant still expression and his dark eyecovers, but he’s certainly clacking away at the symbols on that lap top.

“Okay, so—“

The door to the room SLAMS open, and the door crashes into the wall behind it as a tall human rushes in. Karkat flies backward in his tank and Dave jumps onto his feet, both of them poised in fear.

The pointy human is wielding a sword, (although unlike the swords Karkat has seen in wrecks before, it’s very long and thin) and he rushes in and scoops up Dave with the arm not holding the sword. 

Dave squawks in indignation as he’s thrown over the shoulder of the sword-wielding human.

“Dirk, What’s going on?” Dave asks with a sigh as his arms hang towards the floor.

“You said there was an emergency.”

“Not that kind of— I’m not in danger. Chicken nuggets, idiot.” Dirk sets his younger brother down and sheathes his sword.

“Ah,” he says, like that makes perfect sense. “What’s the issue, then?”

“Karkat says he’s gonna die because apparently he’s a pansy and can’t take stale water and he doesn’t like the water unless it’s fresh full of oxygen, because apparently he thinks he’s the queen of England who can have oxygen whenever she pleases. He thinks I’m one of his footservants, who tends to his every need and satisfies his all desires— Wait, scratch that, not every desire. Don’t need to make it weird and sexual.”

Dirk nods (how is he getting anything from this?) and says “We were thinking about returning him to the ocean anyway.”

Dave falls silent. “Is that really necessary?” He asks, and Karkat could’ve sworn he’d directed that at the merman. Like he cared about Karkat’s safety. Karkat’s insides flutter a little, and he stamps it down immediately.

Dirk glances sharply down at his brother (although— what about him isn’t sharp?). “I suppose it’s not. Why, are you attached to him?”

“Of course not! How do you even find a merman attractive? You don’t, that’s how. It’s a fish. It’s part fish. He’s part fish. I’m not, like. Into Karkat. But maybe he’d prefer to be up here? So he’s not subject to the deadly elements. I dunno. Plus I promised Rose she could meet him. And stuff.” Dave had probably misheard because Dirk said “attached” not “attracted”.

Dirk raises a single solitary eyebrow and Dave twitches slightly. They stare at each other for a minute, until they seemingly coming to an understanding. How do humans do that? Communicate without talking? It was kind of impressive. Not that humans were impressive.

“Alright. Dave,” Dirk says, turning to face the tank, “You go find Mr.Egbert; tell him we’re changing this room around a bit and that we’ll need access to the fountain. Tell him there might be some harm to it.”

“Yes sir!” Dave mock-salutes, charging out the door.

The older Strider walks forward and grabs onto Karkat’s enclosure, frowning when he sees that it’s popped open.

“How did you do this?” Dirk asks, pointing to it with a thumb as he pulls he thing towards the door.

Karkat’s tail twitches a little with anxiety. “Obviously I’m not capable of opening your prison cell from the inside, jerk. Dave did that.”

Dirk’s eyebrows shoot up as he stares at Karkat and then out the door. His brain must be going a million miles a minute. It’s unsettling.

After a brief scuffle fitting the large cylinder through the doorway, Dirk manages to wheel Karkat into the hallway and push him forward. It’s odd and scary, and Karkat is reminded of when he was first taken by the ship.

“So, Karkat,” Dirk asks pleasantly, “Do you like guys?”

Karkat coughs out bubbles, having choked on water. The prison continues wheeling along. “What?!”

Dirk simply turns so he can (presumably) meet Karkat’s eyes stonily. “Are you romantically attracted to boys?”

“Uhhh... I guess? Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” Karkat agrees quizzically. His tail pulls under himself as the tank passes into a large room, with light shining in the windows. The merman instinctively ducks away from the light nervously.

“Hmmm. Dave isn’t.”

Karkat’s not quite sure why Dirk is bringing this up, and he can feel his face heating up, betraying the red underneath.

“At least that’s what he thinks,” Dirk adds with a sigh. “Be careful, kid.”

Karkat has had quite enough of being quiet and polite.

“Are you suggesting that I—“

“What’s up, gamers?” Dave shouts from across the room. Mr. Egbert is standing next to him with a pleasant smile.

“I am not a gamer,” Karkat huffs, and the lusus man laughs. Rude. 

Dave smiles a little, just at him, and Karkat’s face continues heating up. Apparently, it’s hard to see without sunlight, but Dave has a few little flecks of color on his cheeks. Freckles. They’re pushed up slightly as Dave smiles the Real SmileTM, the one that only comes out sometimes. Karkat’s stomach squishes as he watches Dave get his unfairly fluffy hair ruffled by Dirk. He realizes he really, really wants to feel Dave’s hair too.

The Striders and Mr. Egbert begin pulling pipes out of the fountain, and building some kind of large rig based on parts they already had. They’re connecting it to something on the floor as well, and Dirk wheels Karkat over towards it.

So this is why Dirk was asking weird and dumb and redundant questions. He wanted to know if Karkat was going to make a move on Dave. Well that’s impossible, and rude to assume. It’s not as if—

Dave laughs at something Dirk said, trying valiantly to hold his smile back as it fights across his face. He eventually lets it win, tilting his hair to catch the sun.

Oh shit.

Okay, okay, no. Karkat ISN’T attracted to a human. They aren’t attractive. They’ve got those weird, uh. Those leg things. Wobbly and stick-like. How is that attractive? It’s not. And their hair is so dry and ugly. 

Plus they haven’t got any webs. Or gills. And they wear the clothes, that obscure their body and stuff, which really is a shame because they’ve probably got some nicely toned— STOP IT.

The clothes are weird and bad. Plus, uh, the dark things on their eyes. Only Dave and Dirk have them, but it’s probably not a super unique occurrence. Dirk’s are pointy and Dave’s are round... does that mean anything? Karkat isn’t sure.

But it doesn’t matter! Because it’s dumb and weird and not attractive.

Suddenly Karkat’s tank tips and he yelps, reaching out to press his hands against the sides and hold himself in place.

“Haha, in dreamland, Vant-ass?” Dave asks as he holds the tank from crashing over completely.

“Screw you. To death. To hell and back.”

“Wow, take me out to dinner first,” Dave says cheekily, trying not to drop the tank as his face smushes stupidly against it. Karkat can count the freckles on his face.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

“In you dreams,” Karkat mutters, but that’s all he’s able to say before he is unceremoniously dumped into the fountain.

Karkat gasps and shakes himself out under the water, rubbing his eyes as flurries of bubbles rise around him. Rude! But the water in here is definitely fresh, circulating around in a very nice way. Karkat’s scales feel extremely refreshed, and he hums slightly in pleasure.

The merman surfaces to the sight of Dave and Dirk standing in almost identical hands-in-pockets poses.

“This is awesome!” Karkat chitters, then he clamps down on the dolphin noises, slightly embarrassed. “It’s the best I could expect from ratty and inexperienced humans.”

“Inexperienced? Don’t assume things, fish man,” Dave says with a shit-eating grin, leaning backward. “I think you’ll find I’m VERY experienced.”

Dirk hits him the the back of the head.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, okay, Karkat? I understand you should be sleeping right now?” The older Strider asks, having returned to his spot.

“Don’t hurry back,” Karkat growls lowly, and he could swear that he saw a ghost of a smile on Dirk’s face.

The two brothers walk off, and Mr. Egbert bids Karkat a very polite goodnight before heading off as well.

Karkat is all alone in this much larger foyer, in a very big fountain with nothing but his thoughts. The merman curls up on the bottom of the container, sighing softly.

Being attracted to Dave doesn’t mean anything in itself, right? You can consider people attractive without there being any other... _feelings_ involved.

Sometimes people are just pretty! That’s perfectly valid.

Karkat doesn’t feel anything else for Dave. Not yet, anyway. Wait! No! Not EVER. There is no Yet.

Not at all.


	10. Roxy: Scope Out A Cool Fish

“Janeeeeeeey,” Roxy groans, turning and draping herself over Janes’ lap, “I’m booooooored.”

Jane chuckles a little, tucking a lock of her short black hair behind her ear. “Maybe you should do something interesting then!”

The two of them are sitting on lawn chairs in the sun on the highest level of the boat, where the open air pool was.

Jane’s thighs are extremely comfortable, Roxy realizes as she doesn’t move.

“I can’t. Dirk and Dave are bein’ BABIES.”

Jane pats Roxy’s head sympathetically. 

“Sometimes my family members act like babies too,” Jane says helpfully. 

“Mister Egbert?” Roxy asks, scrunching up her nose. She doesn’t take him for that kind of person.

“Well, mostly my brother,” Jane shrugs, letting Roxy snuggle into her plump side. Jane laughs a little under her breath. “The silliest thing happened a couple years ago— John was so annoyed by all the clown paintings around the house, he threw fits about it all the time. I finally convinced him to go talk to Dad about it.” Jane grins. “It turns out, Dad thought _John_ liked the clowns, so that’s why he put them up. He took them down after that.”

“Sounds like yer real good at pullin’ heads outta asses,” Roxy says admiringly. Jane blushes modestly.

“Oh, it’s nothing. The complaints were just getting annoying!” Jane leans a little, her red glasses glinting. “I love my brother and all, but sometimes he can be a little stinker!”

Roxy snorts at the choice of words. “Yeah, I gotchu. My bros can be the same way.”

“Is that why they aren’t hanging out with you?” Jane asks with a sparkle in her eye.

“Yep, but I got _you_!” Roxy pokes Jane in the ear, causing the other girl to squeak. Suddenly, Roxy sits up fully onto her own chair, gasping. “Janey! I gots a TOTES RAD idea!”

“Well don’t just let it rot in there,” Jane prods mischievously. “What’s the idea?”

“We should go talk to Dave’s boyfriend merdude!”

Jane blinks. “Dave’s... boyfriend?”

“Well, not quiet yet Dave’s boyfriend,” Roxy waves her hands overexcitedly. “But I know my brother. We’ve always been more similar then he likes to admit.” 

Roxy leans conspiringly closer, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Plus, I predicted all of Dirk’s crushes back in the day.”

Jane giggles. “Do tell.”

Roxy stands up, helping pull the first mate to her feet. Dirk and Roxy had been so close when they were toddlers, before their parents split up. Roxy would like the think they were close like that again, but there was so much he kept to himself these days.

“There was a total of three,” Roxy starts grandly as they made their way to the exit. “The pizza guy who came to our door twice in two days; then it was this boy who walked by our house every afternoon,” Roxy taps her chin thoughtfully. “Oh, yes, and Big Macintosh.”

Jane produces a noise that makes Roxy think that if she’d have been drinking something it would now be on the floor.

“From the My Little Pony cartoon?!” Jane gasps, trying valiantly to hold in her laughter.

“The very same,” Roxy nods seriously. “He only stopped watchin’ that show last year. I wouldn’t be surprised if he still has his Rainbow Dash body pillow.”

“His WHAT?!” Jane screeches, and Roxy collapses in a fit of giggles.

When they finally make it to the foyer room that Dirk had told Roxy the merman was being kept in, Roxy skips directly over to the tank and stoops over to see into it. The bright red tail of the merman swishes slightly as he snores peacefully, gray arms pillowing his head.

“Aww,” Roxy says, and then she sticks her hands in the water and starts splashing.

“Roxy!” Jane hisses, but the merman is already awake, jerking away from the ripples that the girl is causing.

He glares up at her with glowing yellow eyes. “Why the HELL did you do that?”

Roxy sort of just stares at him, her hands still in the water, unsure what to say. Perhaps acting on her first intrusive thought wasn’t the best idea?

It was kind of weird they could hear the merman, considering he was underwater. His voice seemed to magically carry up to them with ease.

“I will have you know that I haven’t slept well in the past week that I’ve been on this ship! Is it so much to ask to get some fucking peace and quiet around here?!” He pulls himself up to surface, sticking his head out so he can glare at the two ladies. “And who the hell even are you?!”

 _Hm, someone’s a Shouty little McFins,_ Roxy thinks to herself.

“I’m Roxy,” she says with a big grin. “And that’s Jane,” she adds, pointing to the short girl.

The merman gives them both a once-over with his eyes, which normally would’ve made Roxy uncomfortably flirty, but she can tell he’s just trying to remember what they look like.

“Why are you small and round?” Karkat says eventually to Jane.

Jane gasps in mock outrage. “I’m only a few inches shorter then Roxy, thank you very much!”

“That’s true,” Roxy adds helpfully. The merman rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. I’m Karkat, I guess.”

“Nice to meetcha, Karkat!” Roxy cheerfully responds. She reaches out her hand for a handshake but Karkat only glowers at it, so she pulls back. “We’re vacationin’ on this boat too. Well, I am, Jane insisted she’s supposed to be working.”

“I _am_ ,” Jane protests. “Roxy, I’m the First Mate on this ship!”

“Whatever you say, sugar,” Roxy waves her hand airily. Jane may technically be working here, but Roxy is the one who currently has ownership of this boat, and ROXY says that Jane should get as much downtime as any of them. She’s basically the boss. Despite being younger then Mr. Egbert.

Anyway. She can’t believe the merman’s been here for five days already, and she hasn’t even talked to him! What a poor host she is!

“So, Karkat, you got any hobbies?”

Karkat’s eyebrows lower as he looks at Roxy in offended confusion. Is he always offended? Possibly. Who knows. What an exiting creature!

“Uhh, I guess? I’m into romance. And not dying.”

“Oo, excellent choices,” Roxy comments, nodding. “What kinda of romance?”

“The non-stupid kind,” Karkat grumbles. “But mostly all of them.”

“Okayyyy,” Roxy leans onto the side of the fountain, making the merman bristle a little. There’s a mischievous spark in her magenta eyes. “Here’s a plot idea: angry loner boy gets trapped into an unfortunate circumstance with an anxious and secretive boy. They both have things they keep hidden from the world, and scars they’re afraid of. Eventually they learn to love themselves by loving each other, etcetera, etcetera. Whaddya think?”

Karkat places one webbed hand on his chin as he appears to seriously contemplate this. Jane is hiding her snickers in the background; she’s caught on to Roxy’s trick.

The merman sighs, emulating a low dolphin-clicking noise. “I’d read it. The premise is promising enough, and I’d love to see if the characters developed realistically— what? Why are you laughing?!”

Jane hasn’t kept it together, she’s openly chuckling, pushing up her red reading glasses as they threaten to fall off. Karkat growls and snaps at her.

“ANYWAY, I’d try it, but it really depends on the author. The wrong writer can ruin the premise of a book.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Roxy agrees, face entirely straight. Behind her, Jane is absolutely losing it, having to sit in the floor and hope not to soak her jeans in the slightly wet pavement. Karkat fixes his state on her.

“WHAT?” He snaps.

“It’s— it’s just—“ Jane snorts a little. “She’s talking about YOU.”

Karkat’s mouth opens, showing an array of sharp white teeth, and then it shuts again. It does this a few more times until Karkat’s face has gone bright red.

He opens his mouth to scream, and Roxy pulls Jane outta there quick as lightning.

Jane is still giggling down the hallway, which is echoing with Karkat’s projected shouts and yells.

“It’s not polite to leave the scene of a prank, Roxy,” the first mate laughs.

“Oh?” Roxy asks, pursing her black lips. “Are you some kind of prank expert?”

Jane straightens up proudly, brushing off her apron. “As a matter of fact, I am!”

Roxy blinks in surprise as Jane goes on. “I have a copy of the official pranking knowledge tome in my house! It belonged to my grandpa, he was a famous comedian.”

“Wow,” Roxy says, kinda impressed, “you really do know your stuff.”

“I sure do!” Jane says, and then looks embarrassed, so Roxy pinches her cheeks to make her stop. Jane starts laughing again, and they keep on like that all the way back to the rooms.

“Ooh! I decided about the extra passenger, by the way!” Roxy exclaims.

Jane looks hopeful. “You did?”

“Yep. An I decided; the more the merrier, right?!” Roxy claps her hands together happily. Jane gasps.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! John will be so excited, he’s never been on a cruise ship before!”

“Awesomesauce,” Roxy grins. “John better prepare for the best people he’s ever met! He’s being picked up at the same time as Rose.”

“Awesomesause?” Jane echoes in slight confusion. Roxy rolls her eyes.

“It’s a real word, okay? Jeez Janey, get on my level.”

Jane laughs, and Roxy thinks that this vacation has been very worth it.


	11. Dave: Flashback To One Year Ago

Dave rolls over in bed, squirming a little as he tries to sleep. 

This is so dumb. He’s fifteen years old; he should be able to sleep when he’s on a boat.

It’s just...

Well, Dirk’s room was so far away..

Dave shoves his face into his pillow, groaning to himself. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. It’s not that hard.

He just— can’t stop thinking about how far away his brother is. And if he’s gone, how bad things usually happen....

No no no. Calm down. It’s been over a YEAR, he doesn’t have time for this nonsense anymore.

He takes a deep breath in and out. What’s that one thing Rose says? Exposure therapy? Yeah, he’ll be fine.

Dave closes his eyes, and starts to remember.

_One Year Ago_

“Dave?!”

Dave tries to lift up one arm in acknowledgment. It’s not working so well. That sucks. Probably? Yeah, that sucks.

“Dave? Dave, Dave, oh my god,” arms are lifting him up and Dave automatically curls into the smell of sweat and wires. Zero cologne. The smell of Dirk.

“You’re gonna be okay, okay? Dave. Are you listening.”

Daves makes a noise that he thinks is an indication of listening, but he’s not actually listening that much. He’s too busy leaning into the safety of Dirk’s arms.

“Fuck. That’s a lot of blood. Okay.” Dirk shifts his grip so he’s carrying Dave bridal style, holding him up better. “Dave. Do you remember what stitches are?”

Dave’s brain is kind of fuzzy and slurry at the moment. Maybe check in some other time?

Wait. Stitches? A memory fades in, a searing pain, a sore body. 

“Yeah, your face tells me you remember. Look, I’m sorry, but we’re gonna have to. You will bleed out otherwise.”

Dave “hrms” softly, curling slightly around his stomach as the feeling starts to come back and it hurts like a bitch.

He’s being set down, and his arms flop out, feeling the bathtub around him. Dave tries to open his eyes a little, only to be accosted with light. One of his hands slowly comes up to cover his face.

“Your shades got smashed when you fell down the stairs, I’m sorry,” Dirk’s voice says from heaven or something as Dave is prodded into a better position in the tub and his shirt is pulled up. Dirk hisses. “God, that’s really bad. Why the hell did I go to work today, why didn’t I...”

There’s stinging as Dirk cleans the wound, and Dave makes upset keening noises. Dirk lets him, which means they’re probably alone in the apartment.

There’s rustling noises in the bathroom cabinets and Dirk reappears in Dave’s personal space.

“Dave, I’m going to stitch you up.”

Dave whimpers.

“It’s going to hurt. I’m really, really sorry. But it needs to be done.”

The next few minutes are an infinite agony, filled with Dirk hissing in response to Dave’s cries (which he’s trying his hardest to hold in). The pain brings him back a little more, but towards the end it all becomes too much and Dave passes out.

The world goes blank and blissful.

When Dave comes to, his eyes are still closed, but he takes in the scent of cologne and freezes perfectly still, trying to mimic the pose of someone laying normally. His stomach is extremely sore, and screams in protest, but he holds the pose until he hears someone scramble over to him.

“Dave, it’s okay, it’s me.”

Dave’s eyes crack open slightly, taking in Dirk’s face. The older Strider isn’t wearing his shades, which is a rare occurrence in itself, but even worse— his amber orange eyes are rimmed pink from crying. Dirk doesn’t cry. Dirk never cries. Something is wrong.

“I’m sorry, I set you on the futon because I wanted to see you from the kitchen.”

Dirk crawls onto the couch beside his younger brother, pulling Dave into his side and then handing him a sandwich.

Dave eyes the sandwich in surprise, not quite awake enough to speak. Dirk laughs hollowly.

“Yeah, I made food. Don’t act like that.”

Dave cautiously takes a bite, but the sandwich tastes fine. What isn’t fine in the incredible soreness in his midsection. Dirk is silent, which is more normal. His brain is always ticking. It’s a little worrying that whatever he’s been thinking about caused him to cry.

“We don’t have to sit here if you don’t want. If it smells too much like... him,” Dirk offers, trying to sounds causal.

Dave shrugs. He’s fine right here. As he’s eating his food, Dirk starts talking to himself.

“God, why,” he’s muttering. “Why’d I go into work. Why’d I leave the house today? God damnit. Why did I even take the job— I knew something like this would happen, I knew—“

Dave places a hand on Dirk’s arm lazily. The older Strider looks down in surprise, his expressions shockingly easy to read without the pointy shades. Amber eyes scan over Dave’s face, and then crinkle up in guilt.

“We need the job,” Dave points out quietly. “We need the money.”

“But I shouldn’t leave you alone with him, I should know better,” Dirk argues, more to himself then Dave. He runs his fingers through his hair, messing up the gel that keeps it so spiky. “I— I should’ve known today would be a sword fight day, it’s just a perfect day outside for that—“

Dave tightens his grip, trying a different approach. “If you had been here... could you have stopped him?”

Dirk works his jaw silently. “Possibly. I could have offered myself. Or I could’ve jumped in when things got too hot. I could PACK UP and we could MOVE OUT and then you’d never get taken up to that stupid roof again.”

So that’s what Dirk’s been thinking about... Dave shakes his head, because that’s just not a thing that could happen. They’d always get found. There was nowhere actually safe. They both knew that.

Dave is fourteen years old, and he knows that miracles are fake as shit.

“I’m okay now,” Dave tries, and Dirk stares at him for a few seconds.

“But not always,” he whispers. “You’re not really okay. None of this is okay.”

Dave starts to shrug but then he’s being pulled into a strong-armed Dirk hug that aggravates his stitches. Dave tries his best to hug back, burying his face into Dirk’s chest. Sweat. Wires. No cologne. Dirk.

Dirk isn’t a hugger and neither is Dave. They almost never hug. Their top displays of physical affection involve sitting back to back in the living room to watch for danger.

But this is okay, maybe just for today.

Dirk lets Dave go, and then he slides his own shades back onto his nose, the pointy glasses obscuring his orange eyes.

“We’ll need to buy new shades for you,” Dirk says, poking at Dave’s cheeks. “They might be round, though. I don’t know if we can find any more pointy ones."

Dave shrugs. He doesn’t much give a shit.

Dirk stays home the rest of the day, and they play awful video games, competing to see who can get their character the most stuck in glitches. Dirk wins, but only just.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Dirk checks his wristwatch a few hours later, “he might be home soon.”

Dave nods and tries to get up from the couch, failing horribly and leaning on Dirk’s side. His older brother ends up half carrying him into their bedroom, gently dumping him on the twin bed.

“You get the bed tonight,” Dirk says, and Dave doesn’t even try to protest because he feels so sore. He lies down and drifts into sleep, watching Dirk’s back as the older Strider sits beside the bed and stares at the closed door.

Safe for now.

Dave stretches, very carefully, mindful of the still-healing stitches. Dirk is sitting on the back of the futon, staring at the front door, the intensity of his glare daring their older guardian to walk inside.

Well, “guardian” is being generous.

Dave pushes up his new sunglasses (they’re round) and nods at Dirk from across the room. A little signal, telling Dirk to lighten up. It’ll be okay.

“What do you want for dinner?” Dirk asks suddenly. He’s wondering how Dave is feeling. Asking for dinner is the only way he can show that without people knowing. After all, Striders aren’t supposed to show weakness, or compassion.

“Tacos would be cool,” Dave jokes. He’s fine. Life could be better, as always, but he’s still kicking.

Dirk nods, understanding, and returns his attention to the door. Their food language is very descriptive. For instance, if Dave was wanting chicken nuggets, he’d probably be perfectly fine. Sushi? Call the hospital.

The phone starts ringing— An alarm-like sound, piercing into the apartment.

Dave jumps, pulling his sword out of his belt, and Dirk leaps off the edge of the futon, in fighting stance.

They both stand frozen for a second while the house phone continues ringing.

Dave tilts his head curiously at Dirk. Who is calling? Only ‘Mr. Strider’s customers’ ever call the house phone, and they know to do it during the business hours of the night.

Dirk shrugs a little. He’s just as lost.

The pointy haired blonde walks over to the phone, watching it ring for a few more seconds. If he picks it up and he’s not supposed to, the consequences could be bad.

Apparently Dirk is still too salty about what happened three days ago to care about consequences. He snatches up the phone and holds it to his ear.

Dave automatically strides over to stand behind him, covering his back while he’s vulnerable and distracted. After all, you never know when you’re going to be attacked.

Dirk surreptitiously puts the phone on speaker. Nice.

“Hello?” He calls out firmly.

“Is this Mister Strider?” Asks a feminine voice on the other end of the line. Something odd crosses Dirk’s face.

“Uhh... technically I am a Mr. Strider,” he answers. Dave almost facepalms. Why didn’t Dirk just lie? He’s normally much smarter then this.

“Yer not him, then. But yer related, ain’t ya?”

“Yes.”

The voice gasps. “You— are you— DiStri, is that you?!”

Dirk ticks violently to the side. And then suddenly his stoniness melts away, like butter in the sun.

“... Roxy?”

“Holy SHIT, it’s you! Dirk! Oh my God!”

Dave stiffens. Why does this women know Dirk? What’s going on here. It’s not funny.

Dirk almost looks like he’s vibrating, but with... excitement. Something that almost looks like a smile happens on his face.

“Roxy, wha— it’s been so long! Why are you calling?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Roxy’s voice drops suddenly. Dave doesn’t know who this lady is, but he liked her happy voice a lot better. “Yeah, um... Mom died.”

The emotional whiplash is not helping Dave's confusion. It seems Dirk feels the same.

“What?” Dirk asks quietly. “Roxy, I— I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, she—“ sniffles can be heard through the speaker. “I mean, it’s not like she was the best mom, but she really did love us. I know she did.”

Dirk laughs bitterly, then realizes that’s inappropriate and clears his throat.

“Oh, gawd, I’m sorry DiStri... I’m sure she loved you too.”

“She sure showed it in an interesting way,” Dirk replies coldly, and Dave is even more confused then ever.

“Dirk, what’s happening?” Dave asks, trying to get his older brothers’ attention. Unfortunately the phone is on speaker and picks this up.

“Oh, is that... lil’ Davey? I’ll explain right away, bro bro.” A long sigh. “I guess I was wonderin’ if we could come down there and live with y’all? I mean, I know that’s a lot but—“

“NO,” Dirk says firmly and immediately. There’s silence on the line for a few seconds.

The woman named Roxy eventually replies. “Oh... well... sorry bout this, and—“

“Roxy, I’m not going to subject you to this household,” Dirk interrupts. He glances at Dave’s stomach, which is still bandaged up. “I don’t want any harm to come to you two, now or ever.”

“Oh,” Roxy says softly. “It’s... is it really that bad over there? Shit, Dirk, if you’d just said somthin’—“

“Roxy, you’re seventeen right now, right?”

“Yeah,” the lady answers meekly. “That’s why I can’t live alone. Mom left me some stuff, though.”

“I assure you, you can make it alone. But maybe you won’t need to.” Dirk glances at the calendar on his wall and sucks in a deep breath. “You’ve got a big house, right?”

Crackles ensue over the phone line. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes, Roxy,” Dirk says, with a voice of sheer determination. 

“Oh my god. Oh my god, okay! Um, I guess, we’ll just prepare two rooms? Oh wait, we never use tha rooms... you can probably just set yer stuff in there...” Roxy babbles on for a moment while Dave gapes at Dirk, who’s Ignoring him. “Aw, shit, will you need plane tickets? I gots lotsa money for that now.”

As Roxy and Dirk work out the details, Dave lays down on the futon, flabbergasted.

He... they had a mom. And a sister?

Or maybe two, he hadn’t quite understood.

They were moving. They were leaving. And they were going far far away with no intention of ever coming back.

Tears poke at the corners of Dave’s eyes, but he quickly rubs them away, not daring to hope. Hope was for suckers.

“Dave?” Dirk asked, leaning over the side of the couch to stare down at him. “Go to our room and pack up anything you can’t replace. Be quick about it.”

“Alright,” Dave says, pulling himself gently off the couch. Dirk is still on the phone, but he shoots a thumbs up to let Dave know he’s still watching the door.

Dave pulls a suit case out of the closet, and carefully sets in his album of photos and his collection of foraged food. Him and Dirk keep most of their food in the closet: that way they can eat without being seen. They probably are still seen, but at least they’re more safe.

There’s nothing in the fridge except crappy swords anyway. Sometimes puppets if they’re really unlucky.

Dave briefly considers grabbing his turntables, but they could be replaced and... they were bought by his Older-Older Bro so taking them might warrant a beating. His Guardian didn’t give him cool things often, and this had certainly been one of them.

The music he’s made is priceless, though, so Dave uploads it all onto a thumb drive and chucks that into the suitcase as well.

When he’s done he’s got only a few things in there, but he figures Dirk will add his stuff too to even if out.

Dave pulls the suitcase into the main room, his stomach in pain, and sets the thing against the counter. Dirk turns around and then frowns, looking at the luggage.

The older Strider reaches down and pops the case open, only flinching (Dave jumps) when he sees the puppet inside.

Lil’ Cal— their Guardians’ favorite puppet and instrument of torturous mind games—is sitting in the suitcase despite Dave never having put him there.

“Fuck, he knows we’re leaving,” Dirk hisses. “We gotta go now.”

He rushes back into the bedroom and comes out with a small hard drive and his favorite katana. He dumps both items into the luggage, throwing Cal across the room.

And then Dirk pulls Dave out of the front door. They cross the threshold with a feeling of elation, and they both run down the stairs with terror and hope.

Dave’s stomach hurts, but if they’re not fast enough—

They finally make it down to the bottom of the building after running down nine flights of stairs. Dirk grabs Dave’s shoulders and shoves him towards a limo on the corner. A limo? Who did Dirk rob?

They clamber inside, Dirk pulling the suitcase into his lap and unzipping it to check for puppets. There must be none, because he sighs and reseals it.

“Mr. Strider?” Asks the old woman who’s driving.

“That’s us,” Dirk says, reaching out to tap Dave’s shoulder a few times in an attempt to calm him down. “New York, right?”

“It’s gonna be a long drive,” says the woman, and she pulls out of the park and turns onto a main road.

“New York?” Dave whispers to himself. “All the way from Texas?” 

“Like I said: a long drive, and then a plane. Get comfortable, little man,” Dirk says, and Dave obediently leans against the seat, okay to sleep as long as Dirk is keeping watch.

When Dirk stiffens, Dave sits up immediately to follow his gaze outside. They can still see the roof of their apartment. A lone figure sits on top of it, barely a silhouette from here. But Dave can recognize pointy shades like those anywhere. They’re specifically Strider.

Dave wriggles slightly in his seat, feeling like he can feel the eyes on him all the way from here. Dirk places a hand on his chest and gently pushes him back down.

”Don’t think about him anymore, okay?” Dirk says. “He’s gone now. I’m not ever letting him touch you again. You’re safe.

Dave manages to let himself go limp, to attempt to get some sleep. He calms his nerves slowly, beginning to drift off. 

Dave’s nearly asleep when his phone buzzes. Curse his nonexistent friends. He pulls the phone out, wondering who in the world it could be.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:34 PM

TT: Hello?

Dave tilts his head to the side, not really trusting this. Well... if anything, it’s just a fan of his webcomic.

TG: sup

TT: Is this Dave Strider?

Well that was different. He was pretty sure he didn’t keep his full name online. Dave frowned a little.

TG: could be could not be who wants to know

TT: Apologies. 

TT: My name is Rose Lalonde, and I’ve recently received the news that you will be coming to live with me. 

TT: And also the news that you exist.

TT: No offense.

TG: none taken im too cool to have feelings

TG: are you my sister or something 

TT: Actually, Roxy told me that we are, according to the definition of it... Twins.

TG: what the fuck

“I have a twin sister?!” Dave snaps at Dirk, who’s been watching him. Dirk winces, and his nose twitches a little. Classic Strider sign of guilt.

“Dave, I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t remember,” Dirk says. “Actually, I hardly remember. I was a toddler and you were a baby when Mom and Dad split up.”

Dirk turns to look out the window. “It didn’t seem right to tell you about people we were never allowed to meet.”

Dave’s skin is itching, scratching, he doesn’t understand and not understanding leads to pain.

“Mom and... Dad?” Dave asks, confusion in his voice. Dirk faces him again.

“You didn’t think ‘Bro’ was actually our brother, did you?” He asks incredulously.

Dave shrugs helplessly. He’d kind of just assumed their much older brother adopted them and then beat the hell out of them a lot.

“He just had us call him that for ironic purposes,” Dirk sighs. “And to seem cool.”

Dave looks down at his hands. That adds up. Irony was preached as a religion in the Strider household. Everything was either ironic or genuine, and genuine emotion wasn’t allowed. That’s why everything in their house was stupid stuff they didn’t actually like— they kept it for ironic reasons.

“Roxy used to make Mom call us,” Dirk says forlornly, “But... Mom’s kind of an alcoholic, and she isn’t that good at remembering to do things like call people or feed her children.” He rubs his temples.

“Not as bad as ‘Bro’, though?” Dave asks meekly.

Dirk shakes his head. “She’s pretty bad, but she let them use her money to buy food. And I think she did love Roxy and Rose, in a way. That asshole never showed any of us any love at all, even the misguided kind. He’s worse then her.”

Rose has been blowing up Dave’s phone while he listened to this, so he reads over her messages.

TT: Yes, I was surprised as well.

TT: It was kind of hard to take in. Also I’m  
not sure you’d be suited to life here with us.

TT: Although Roxy says that you come from someplace not very pleasant.

TT: I doubt that, but it’s fine.

TT: Hello?

TG: hey hi was interrogating my brother about my apparent missing family 

TG: its rose right 

TT: Correct.

TG: who tf do you think you are to say where we come from isn’t ‘not very pleasant’

TT: I have some experience in neglectful parents, so I doubt your story will be all that alarming.

TG: he wasnt neglectful 

TG: in fact he never fucking truly left us alone

TG: he kept cameras everywhere so he could film us for his dumb puppet porn videos and he never gave us money from his billion dollar porn empire 

TG: hed burst in at random moments and drag us up to the roof of our building for ninja training 

TG: he was never gentle with us and he barely ever spoke to us

TG: his face was always a cold mask and he always did everything either for irony or to make us stronger

TG: i.e. abuse us on a roof for hours under the hot texas sun with shitty swords

TG: earlier this week i had to get fucking stitches because he sliced me open more then usual and shoved me down the stairs

TG: my older bro and i take turns keeping watch from our bed at night in case our guardian comes back from a nightclub performance more wasted then usual and decides that a nighttime session of ninja training is a good idea 

TG: how the fuck was that for an ‘alarming story’ you flighty broad

TT:

TT: I'm... sorry. I didn’t mean to possibly trigger painful memories like that.

TG: whatever its fine

TG: i don’t even know why i went off like that

TG: if I were you id be skeptical too

TG: idk i feel awkward now because im not normally supposed to talk about this

TT: Why not? Are you threatened by your father?

TG: not about this 

TG: its just dirk has a huge fear of being separated in the foster system so we usually keep our home life on the down low

TG: that way we can still protect each other

TT: I see.

TT: My apologies about pushing you.

TT: I’ll see you at the airport in a few hours.

TT: It was nice talking to you, Dave.

TG: yeah

TG: you too

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 5:53 PM 


	12. Sollux: Have A Bipolar Freakout

Of course he did. Of course.

Sollux Captor has known a lot of fake assholes in his life, but the fakest and the assholeiest of them all was most certainly Karkat.

Karkat Vantas is a psycho. And not in the way where he’s murder-happy— Sollux knows what that looks like, and thankfully Karkat doesn’t fall in that range— but Karkat is crazy.

Crazy enough that he pretends he hates the world. Crazy enough to try to act tough and like he doesn’t care when in reality Karkat is one of the most emotionally invested people Sollux has ever met. 

One time, they saw a play together, and Karkat CRIED at the end.

Karkat Vantas is psycho enough that when Sollux said “I dare you to touch that ship eheh” he _actually fucking did it._

Sollux Captor has never been more pissed in his entire life. He hates Karkat so much— probably the reason why he dared the dumbass to touch the boat in the first place— that he’s seething with rage. 

Sollux’s tragically crooked fangs mash together as he growls in the water loudly. What the hell. What the hell.

“This isn’t like him,” Kanaya murmurs worriedly. Of course she’s worried, Karkat and Kanaya are basically unofficial moirails. 

“Are you thure?!” Sollux snaps, his tongue lisping over the word ‘sure’. “Cuz it thure theems like he fucking went and did that.”

Nepeta Leigon, a spunky little Oliveblood, bounces over Kanaya’s head. “Kanaya’s right,” she chirrups, “Karkat is normally so freaked out about being seen— why would he do this now?”

“You tell me!” Sollux shouts, lashing his gold tail as he growls. “God, he’th tho thtupid.”

“Karkat knows the repercussions of going to the surface,” Aradia points out calmly. Her long, curly black hair flows in the water. She reaches out to pat Sollux’s face, effectively papping her boyfriend. Sollux calms down, but only slightly. God, when did he last take his meds?

“Are you suggesting that it was a... a suicide attempt?” Kanaya asks, sounding close to tears. The poor Jade is sinking in the water.

“Purrrhaps,” Nepeta agrees sadly. “That would make sense.”

“He wouldn’t!” Kanaya says, blinking sharply as green tears pool around her eyes. “He— he wasn’t— he’d never—“

“Maybe you didn’t know him ath well ath you think!” Sollux hissed. Why would Karkat do this? Why would he do that?

Nepeta frowns. “Sollux, that’s kinda mean.” Kanaya, on the rock beside her, is staring off into space as tears roll off her cheeks.

Aradia nods, mildly absentmindedly. She’s been weirdly absent lately. Of course, Sollux can’t fix that, just like he can’t fix anything else.

“I don’t know what to do, okay!” Sollux yells, “the idiot hath been gone for a week, now! A week! What do you want me to do?!”

Aradia turns to stare at him blankly. Nepeta just averts her gaze. Kanaya continues to stare off into space.

“He has been acting different,” Kanaya whispers. “He’d... he’d been almost quiet, compared to usual. And sad.”

“Why’s that?” Nepeta asks curiously, wiggling her Olive tail.

“I think... his birthday happened, and he really wanted to do something, but he was mad that his family couldn’t have fun just because he was hatched, or something ridiculous like that.” Kanaya rubs her eyes.

“That’s so stupid!” Nepeta growls to herself. Her little voice isn’t very threatening, but Sollux pulls his tail away from her anyway. He’s seen what that mermaid can do with her claws.

“Correct,” Aradia stares up above them, and then raises her arm to point far north. “There.”

“What?” Kanaya asks.

“Karkat’s there,” Aradia says, as if she was declaring the color of the sky.

“Of courthe you’d know that, magically,” Sollux mutters angrily. He’s so useless! No help to Karkat, his best friend, no help to Aradia, his Moirail—

“Shush,” Aradia murmurs. She’s still staring off in the direction she pointed at, dark Rust scales glittering. “Stop that, Sollux.”

“Are you saying we could... go get him from the humans?” Kanaya asks hopefully. She’s starting to rise again, the shirt she made herself flowing in the water.

Nepeta gasps. “A rrrrescue mission! That sounds so exciting!”

“Hmm,” Sollux thinks. “Ath much ath I hate KK, which ith a lot, maybe even more than I hate mythelf, I think that’th a good idea.”

“You hate Karkat?” Nepeta asks, her eyebrows raising and her lips pursing.

“Oh my god, not like that,” Sollux snarls. “Get your mind out of the undertow.”

Nepeta shrugs, and then places a hand on her chin. “Yaknow, a few lowbloods like us ain’t got much chance of actually taking town a boat.”

“Thpeak for yourthelf,” Sollux points to his eyes, laying one pair of his ears against his head in a threatening way. His psionic powers could probably take down a ship if need be.

“You don’t have a plan, though,” Aradia says thoughtfully. “I think I know where Nepeta is going with this.”

“Ohhhh, no,” Sollux groans, dragging his palms over his eyes. “No, not them.”

“They’re in our pod, too, yaknow,” Nepeta points out accusingly.

Kanaya blinks. “Surely you don’t mean—“

“Perfect!” Aradia claps her palms together. Sometimes she can be annoying, when she’s not being perfect. “We’ll get the Scourge Sisters on board.”

“Karkat better be thankful for thith.”


	13. Dave: Force-feed Your Annoying Merman

Dave balances the tray in his hand carefully, barely managing not to grin outright. This is the best idea he’s had in a while.

Karkat seemed okay with the jerky that Dave’s been bringing him, and the occasional slices of god-knows-what kind of fancy meat they had on the cruise ship. But Karkat loves to complain, and complain he’s been doing. He apparently wants fish.

This makes sense: Karkat lives in the sea, of course he eats fish. But the ship operates on a specific meal-based schedule, and somehow none of their four course dinners had included fish. Or maybe they had, and Dave only managed to sneak in after they’d already cleaned it up?

Either way, it’s the first time he’s got his hands on this. Karkat’s gonna love it. And maybe it’ll be the first time in a week he shuts up about the “unsatisfactory food.” Dave’s almost glad he forgot to feed Karkat the first three days, otherwise he’d have had to listen to him then as well.

He squashes down the inevitable wave of guilt about that. Karkat had been fine; he’d eaten the little fish in the tank just like Dirk said he would. 

Dave walks into the fountain foyer with his plate of salmon like he owns the world, fighting the self-satisfied smile that keeps appearing. Cool dudes don’t smile.

Karkat, who’s been sitting in the water waiting since sunset, perks up immediately, leaning over the short rock side. This has become their routine.

Dave’s kind of proud of the fountain rig. It runs all the way to the bottom of the boat, circling in fresh seawater at all times. It was difficult to figure out, but Dirk could do anything if Dave asked him to.

“The hell is that?” The merman asks roughly, and yet not bad-naturedly.

“Fish,” The Strider proclaims, setting the tray on the edge of the rock.

“That doesn’t look anything like fish,” Karkat argues, squinting at the slices of food. He sniffs them pointedly.

“Yeah, well, that’s because it’s cooked. Like the jerky,” Dave prods a piece with his finger. “We use fire to bake our food. Makes it crunchy and less likely to kill you.”

“Aradia talks about fire sometimes,” Karkat says, possibly coming around to the salmon. Dave gets hopeful.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Magical little flaming sun bits we can create with our hands. Now do me a favor and eat the salmon.”

Karkat juts his jaw out. “Humans can’t do that. Also, I’m not very hungry.”

Dave sighs and is forcibly reminded of his first few weeks in the Lalonde household.

_  
“David Elizabeth Strider!” Roxy screams, running around the island where she’d been preparing lunch. “What the hell is that?!” She points with the spoon she’s holding._

_Dave looks down. He’s pretty short at fourteen, so he has to look up to see Roxy._

_“Very funny, Rox. That’s me,” Dave says, moving aside. “I live here, I can walk around shirtless if I so please.”_

_Dave catches Roxy’s magenta eyes and realizes she looks horrified. What’s so scary about him? He didn’t think he was that bad looking. Or maybe this was one of those social things rich people do?_

_Meanwhile, Roxy’s senseless screaming has attracted Rose, Dave’s twin sister who is just as pretentious in person as she was online._

_Rose walks into the kitchen with an annoyed look to her heavily made-up face, directed at Roxy. She’s apparently eating cereal, going by the bowl in her hand. Rose turns to look at Dave, and then her violet eyes go wide and she drops her cereal with a clatter. Milk spills all over the floor._

_“Okay, this ain’t funny no more ladies,” Dave says kind of crossly, but he barely gets to finish his sentence before feet are pounding down the stairs and Dirk Strider leaps off the last few steps in order to round the corner into the kitchen sharply. He’s holding his katana out threateningly. Dave sighs: Dirk has been doing this every single time he hears a noise. It’s only been a week since they moved in, and the brothers haven’t managed to get rid of their jumpy habits. (In fact, they even share a room to minimize nightmares)._

_“What’s going on down here?!” Dirk asks, and then he spots the cereal on the floor, lowering his sword and probably feeling pretty stupid. Dave shrugs._

_Roxy points at Dave, her hand shaking slightly._

_“DiStri... you... you KNOW that.... you’re not ‘posed to be able to count a persons’ ribs, right?”_

_Dirk’s face falls slightly in understanding, and he looks at Dave. Everyone does._

_“What?” Dave asks, annoyed. “What?!”_

_“Young man,” Roxy says seriously, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to sit at the counter, “we are getting some food in you Right Now.”_

_Rose hasn’t left her position at the end of the kitchen, but she clears her throat and smoothes our her skirt: nervous habits._

_“What, Rose?” Dave sighs, resting his chin in his hands._

_“I assume your father is to blame for all the... the scars, as well?”_

_“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Dave says, twisting around to try and spot the array of clean and sometimes twisting lines on his back. Reminder after reminder of times he’d messed up on the roof, times he didn’t dodge the sword fast enough. Some of them stretch over onto his shoulder. A few are on his stomach. The most recent one there still hurts if Dave pokes it._

_A plate of slightly burnt eggs is forcibly set on the island in front of him, and Dave eyes them with distrust._

_“Eat,” Roxy growls, and Dave does as he’s told.  
_

“Eat,” Dave says, pushing the tray towards Karkat slightly. His nose wrinkles up.

“Come on, man, I can’t finish all this by myself,” Dave adds, trying a different tactic.

He reaches forward and picks up a piece of salmon, popping it into his mouth. Wow, that’s actually kind of good. Grossly fishy, but other then that, okay.

Karkat narrows his eyes suspiciously, but he grasps a fistful of salmon and stuffs it in his toothy jaws. His yellow eyes light up as he swallows it.

“This is—! Uh, it’s sufficient,” he grumbles.

Dave smiles a little. “Great. Wanna watch a movie?”

“Hell yes, what, do you not know anything about me? We’ve been doing nothing but watch your moving play things every night for like four nights; and you have the nerve to ask if I want to? Despicable.”

Dave snorts and grabs his laptop, which has been sitting in this room as of late. “Watcha feel like?”

“Hmm,” Karkat thinks seriously. “‘Fifty First Dates’.”

“Are you kidding me?” Dave throws back his head and groans openly. “We watched that two days ago.”

“You have infinite plays on your Lap Top, it’s not like you can’t watch something else later,” Karkat snaps. It’s true, Dirk set up an illegal movie downloading software ages ago. But that’s not the point.

“I just wanna watch something good,” Dave mutters, trying not to smile as he lights the metaphorical flame under Karkat’s ass. Not that he needs any help being hot— WOAH THERE WHAT WAS THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

Karkat growls, taking the bait, and opens his mouth to start shouting about the intricate narrative wonders of ‘Fifty First Dates’. Unfortunately he gets cut off because at that moment, a tall Strider walks into the Foyer.

Dirk waves at the two of them, and Dave throws up a peace sign. This is their best method of communication, obviously.

Dirk taps a foot and Karkat levels him with an odd look. It’s angry, as most Karkat looks are, but it’s almost a... jealous anger. Wow, poor KitKat doesn’t want anybody infringing on Dave Time.

“You guys ready?” Dirk asks with what might count as a smile. Karkat frowns.

“Ready for what?”

A pindrop silence falls over the foyer. It’s almost palpable, and nobody misses the way Dirk’s head swings around to look at Dave. One of his eyebrows raises pointedly.  
Dave’s nose twitches a little and he scratches it quickly, squirms in guilt and then sighs.  
He’s been avoiding telling Karkat. He hadn’t even really wanted to think about it. Maybe to spite Rose, or maybe for another reason he wasn’t quite ready to admit to himself because.... well, he kind of doesn’t want to think about it. 

“Karkat, we’re setting you free today.”

“You’re what?!” Karkat snarls, sitting up in the fountain and letting his back spines flare.

Dirk tilts his head to the side. “Is something the matter?”

Karkat emits a series of frustration clicks. (Dave likes to think he’s gotten good at telling Karkat’s different clicks apart). “Yes! I can’t just... go home if you release me here. We’re miles and miles away from where I live. I don’t know how it works on land, but you can’t just drop a kid in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE and expect him to know how to get home. I’d be lost, and...”

“It’d be incredibly dangerous?” Dave asks, almost hopefully.

“Did I ask you?!” Karkat spits. “But yes.”

“Hmm,” Dirk hums thoughtfully, tapping his foot against the ground. “Perhaps we should wait until we reach the area that you came from to release you?”

“You mean, the end of our trip?” Dave asks, hope budding in his chest.

“Yeah, that’d work,” Karkat grumbles.

Dirk nods. “Okay, I’ll resume this conversation when we get back home. You comfortable, Karkat?”

“I’m sitting in a stone prison with a waterfall constantly pouring on my back and about six feet of swimming space,” Karkat hisses.

“He’s good,” Dave agrees, and Dirk appears satisfied.

The older Strider leaves the room, Dave and Karkat now alone.

“So, KitKat,” Dave smiles, “‘Fifty First Dates’?” 

“Letting me pick the movie does NOT mean you get to use that dumbass nickname,” Karkat hisses, and then quiets as the movie starts.

It’s a quiet night, for once, Dave lost in thought enough to only interrupt the movie every five minutes instead of one. When he finally turns in, he waves goodbye with a feeling of slight sadness.

“Bye, Kittykat,” Dave singsongs, ruining the moment.

“Shut the hell up!” Karkat screeches, and it’s a perfect night.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 11:30 PM

TG: karkat made me watch 50 first dates again

TG: i might cry

TT: Dave, can you please stop pestering me about your awful date with your boyfriend, I’m trying to study for the final.

TG: for what must be the millionth time

TG: karkat is not my boyfriend 

TG: hes a fish dude i keep in a fountain 

TT: You have literally not started a conversation with anything but Karkat for the past four days.

TG: ...

TG: well whatever hes real interesting okay

TG: let me pursue my biology degree in peace

TT: Mhm.

TG: speaking of which why are you up so late studying 

TT: My, My. Do you hear that, Dave?

TT: It is the sound of hypocrisy. A hypocrite is speaking right now. He is loudly pointing out the late hours that someone is awake, despite keeping worse hours himself. He is the ultimate pot screaming fruitlessly at his metaphorical kettle.

TG: lets acknowledge that bigass glass house i threw a stone into and then just ignore it

TT: Noted.

TT: The reason is, if I don’t score high on this final, it’s as if I never attended this course at all.

TT: Besides. I want to get it over with as fast as possible tomorrow.

TG: aw youre exited to see us

TT: Perhaps.

TG: come on. admit it. 

TT: I’ll admit nothing.

TG: you looooooove us

TG: rose is a big sap who luvs her fam

TT: Now, you better not leave out letters from that word.

TG: what letters i spell everything right

TT: “ILY”

TG: ahahahah see you do love me

TT: Damn. Should’ve seen that one coming.

TG: sucka 

TT: Dave?

TG: yes

TT: Karkat has to go home, doesn’t he?

TG: 

TG: yeah 

TT: You know, sometimes it’s best not to get attached. 

TT: Just keep that in mind.

TG: whatever rose im the king of not getting attached 

TT: Okay.

TG: night

TT: Goodnight.

turntechGodhead ceased pestering tentacleTherapist at 11:37 PM


	14. Karkat: Attempt To Hide Blush

Karkat buries his face into the water, blowing a stream of bubbles out. This has been his tactic to cool down his face for the past four nights, as Dave periodically does attractive things.

Karkat just can’t seem to shake this stupid fixation on the younger Strider. 

Which is all it is: a fixation. Nothing more. Obviously.

It can’t be helped that Karkat thinks about him as much as he does. Dave is so interesting, being a creature from an entirely different species. He hides his eyes at all times, which Karkat would normally attune to embarrassment of caste color, but he knows they don’t have that here.

Dave’s skin is so... pale, and his hair is so light. The little specs across his face light up in the sunlight and his whole face stands out when the corners of his mouth pull up in a real smile, revealing a small dimple in his cheek.

He has so many weird little quirks— the adjusting of the glasses, the nose twitching, the way he reaches down to his belt to grab something and finds nothing there. Dave is so... complicated, and unique, a stone unturned.

Dave loves talking, and his rambles rival Karkat’s own. He talks about weird things like movies and video games and men named Obama. He carries around strange, foreign objects, like the small Lap Top—centric device and the ‘camera’. Dave loves pointing the camera at Karkat for some reason, which makes him slightly uncomfortable, but it’s not as if Dave’s actually doing anything, so he lets it slide.

Half the time it’s impossible to tell if Dave is being serious, he layers everything in irony and weird jokes. Karkat is just so... curious about what it all means. Who Dave really is.

It’s just a fixation, though. Just a temporary curiosity born from the wonder of a different creature. And if Dave’s attractive, that’s just a side detail that’s not important.

Which is why today when Dave walks in the back entrance instead of the front and Karkat doesn’t see him coming, he falls backwards into his tank. 

Karkat surfaces with a sputtering noise.

“Dave!” He hisses, mildly quiet. “It’s the middle of the day!”

Dave grins a little, one of those smiles Karkat only gets to see sometimes. It causes flurries in his bloodpusher, and red rushes up to his face.

“Sorry dude. Rose is boarding tonight, so we’ve all been cleaning preparing for her,” Dave’s brows lower a little. “Also, apparently Mr. Egbert’s son is gonna be here? Don’t know what that’s about. Hey, why are you awake anyway?”

 _I was thinking about you_. “I’m worried about the new arrivals, and their possible reactions to a merman,” Karkat hedges out instead. It isn’t totally a lie.

“Aw hell, yeah I’ve been thinking about that too,” Dave scratches his chin a little. “Rose is already skeptical of you, but maybe once she sees you she’ll be good. I dunno about this John kid at all, really.”

Karkat is deep in thought. “Why did you come in here if you thought I was asleep?”

Dave looks away, clenching his jaw a little. 

“Well, uh, I actually had this cool ass plan for our last day before my annoying sister shows up.”

“What’s that?” Karkat asks. “If it involves the things called ‘dong’, or ‘plush asses’, I’m jumping the fuck off this boat.”

Dave laughs out loud (which Never happens!) and Karkat’s chest swells. Since it’s daytime, Karkat can very well see the sunlight reflecting on the freckles of Dave’s face. He kind of wants to touch them.

The Strider walks towards the entrance, grabs something, and drags it into the room. It’s hard and angular and square-shaped, like most human things. Dave uses the handle to pull it against the edge of the fountain.

“What is that thing,” Karkat rumbles, and Dave pats it proudly. It’s full of water.

“It’s a cooler. It’s also our mighty fine method of transportation, my friend.”

“What,” Karkat growls.

“Let’s make this easy,” Dave tries, “I want you to jump in here.” He gestures to the ‘Cooler’ and then sticks his hands back into his red hoodie. Apparently he’s swapped out his jeans for a pair of weird shorts.

Karkat gapes at him. “That will hurt my tailbones, a lot.”

“Ohh yeah,” Dave realizes, adjusting his shades. He kicks the cooler away and pulls his hands out. “Okay, new plan.”

He reaches toward Karkat. “Jump at me. I’ll catch you.”

...

“You want me to preform an acrobatic fucking pirouette?” Karkat exclaims, face probably bright red. That’s a long jump. Also jump? That’s crazy! Outside the water?! That’s asking for death. He’d have to take a leap of faith— and into Dave’s arms? Dave’s arms. Ohmygod. Karkat is going to lose his mind.

“Come on, I’ll catch you. Promise.” Dave opens his hoodied arms wider, trying to appear welcoming. The “Sun Glasses” he wears over his eyes (that according to him can be removed, but Karkat has never seen this happen) glint. “Come on, KitKat, don’t you trust me?”

“Not at all,” Karkat hisses, and he pulls himself with all of his strength over the side of the fountain and launches at Dave.

The Strider takes the full force of Karkat’s weight with a soft “oof”, not expecting the jump. His arms wrap around Karkat’s ribs and tail, securing him in place, and oh god he’s so soft his hoodie is so warm holy shit oh god—

Dave’s body wasn’t expecting how heavy Karkat was, though, so despite catching the merman near perfectly, Dave still slowly tips over backwards, and lands with a thump on the ground, Karkat still safely on top of him.

Dave doesn’t say anything (probably winded) but he pats Karkat’s back reassuringly.

Karkat, meanwhile, is having a sensory overload. He doesn’t know where to look because his entire vision is Dave. Dave is a little taller then him, too, so Karkat’s tail barely brushes the ground, and his arms are wrapped around the red hoodie. 

Eventually, unable to stand Dave’s black orby eye things any longer then a second, Karkat buries his face in the hoodie, which smells a lot like Dave. This whole situation is going to be etched in his gravestone, he just knows. He’s mortified. Sollux will bring this up at his wedding.

After a second of Dave catching his breath, the teen gets back onto his legs, scooping Karkat up bridal style and gently placing him in the cooler. 

It’s a tad uncomfortable, and Karkat’s red tail flips over the front side a little, because the cooler is a bit small. But Karkat appreciates the ability to breathe, and holds onto the sides of the box in cold water as Dave pushes him down the hallway in a direction he’s never seen before.

“Where are we going?” Karkat asks, trying to keep his voice at low volume and probably failing horribly.

“You’ll see,” comes the response from behind, and though Karkat can’t see Dave, he can hear the mischief in his voice. God dammit, what is this boy playing at.

A few silent hallways later, Karkat lashes his tail impatiently, only serving to knock it against the cooler wall. Dave snorts and turns into a room.

Karkat scrambles to sit up, looking around. This room is... completely empty? Wait, no. Karkat pulls himself up higher and sees... a square body of water. Fucking humans and their squares.

“Okay, tell me what’s going on, asslamp,” Karkat growls. Dave is undeterred by said growling. Maybe Karkat should’ve saved his growling early on so he could use it in times like this. 

“This is a pool,” Dave says confidently, and then he reaches into the cooler to scoop Karkat out. If Karkat makes an odd squeaking noise at the unexpected Dave contact, that’s nobodies business but his.

Dave carries the merman over to the edge of the water and tries to gracefully lower him in but mostly just ends up dropping him.

Karkat coughs and splutters in the weird-tasting water, swimming away from the edge.

He tests out the square lake carefully— pool, actually— and it’s nice to swim in. The water is awfully still, but it’s easy to go very fast, and this pool is much, much bigger then his fountain.

“Like it?” Dave asks with a touch of pride in his voice. Karkat turns to see the Strider standing at the edge with his hands in his hoodie. “I asked Dirk if we had any pools and he said—“ (he dips into a low and awful impression of Dirk)”—‘Dave, we have _five_ pools’. This one is closest to the foyer.”

Karkat doesn’t smile, because he’s too tough for that, but he grunts in acknowledgment of Dave. 

“Yeah, now you can swim around like a real fish boy,” Dave adds. “You’re a real boy now, Karkat! Except reverse. Instead of turning into a person you turn into a merman. Like that discount Ariel sequel with her daughter or whatever? Only real. Because this shit’s more real then kraft mayo.”

Karkat rolls his eyes, but in truth he’s grateful for this. It’s kind of ridiculous that Dave has to layer his genuine favors in irony to hide his affection. Karkat immediately almost slaps himself because pot, meet kettle.

The merman does a few laps in the pool, enjoying the ability to stretch his muscles. It’s freeing, and relaxing. Although this water still tastes weird and doesn’t feel right as it goes through his gills. 

Karkat pops above the surface to make fun of Dave and freezes in place, nearly falling back into the water.

Dave has taken his shirt and hood off.

_Dave Strider has fucking abs._

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.

Karkat’s whole face flares up a fiery red, and he tries to sink back slowly into the water, but none of his limbs are working because DAVE STRIDER HAS ABS.

Dave, completely oblivious to Karkat’s mental turmoil, throws his hoodie against the wall near the door, and then turns back to Karkat with a grin. Karkat cannot handle this. He is going to die.

“Wanna see the real power of human legs, bro?” Dave asks, and then he jumps into the pool with a splash.

Karkat almost coughs at the wave of water sent over him, and he drifts backwards a little, relieved to find his tail working.

Dave surfaces, his sunglasses still somehow perched in place, and his hair soaking wet. He waves his arms about wildly, trying to keep afloat, which Karkat finds ridiculous and slightly adorable.

“I haven’t been swimming in like, one million years,” Dave says, continuing to wave around. “I probably barely know how to swim. Do you know CPR, Karkat?”

“Do I know what?” Karkat asks with less of a bite in his voice then usual.

“Ah, fuck. The magnificent Dave Strider: drowned in a pool. They’ll put it on my gravestone. They’ll probably bury me in my swim trunks. No shirt for me, boys, let the earthworms have at it.”

Karkat snickers and then hides it in the water. Dave is still floundering uselessly.

“Hey, Dave,” Karkat chips from the water.

“Hm?” He asks, turning to face the merman. His hair is plastered to his head.

“Catch,” Karkat grins, and uses his tail to send a wave of water over Dave’s head.

Dave splutters, and is sent underwater. When he surfaces he shoots Karkat a completely scandalized look. And then he uses his arms to send a pitiful retaliation onto Karkat’s face.

The two get engaged in a splash battle, Karkat easily sending Dave under and Dave attempting to do the same. Their arms become tired as they snort up water and lash out waves at each other continuously.

“Stop! Stop! Truce!” Dave shouts eventually, laughing and sinking into the water as he sticks his hands up. He ends up with a mouthful of water and chokes on it, not gracefully. “Have pity on me!”

Karkat almost starts choking as well, wildly spinning around to look Dave in the face. He’s still trying to stay afloat, seemingly unbothered. Okay. Alright. So maybe something was lost in the translation there. Maybe Dave has not a clue how Pity was specifically a... romance thing.

Karkat recovers nicely. “Fine, Human, I’ll have mercy on you,” He sneers, and Dave laughs. He’s actually been laughing a lot in the last hour, it’s so odd.

“KitKat, you are my FAVORITE not-person,” Dave grins, wiping water off his black eye covers. He really needs to shut the hell up with the nicknames. What is a ‘KitKat’ anyway?!

The door to the room opens, and Karkat jerks out of his skin, moving to the side of the pool. A pointy-haired human leans in, staring at the two of them with a slack expression.

“Hey boys,” Dirk says, apparently undeterred by the water everywhere and the swimming teens. “We’ve docked in Washington.”

“Aw, sweet,” Dave exclaims, and he grabs the side of the wall to pull himself up and out. Karkat makes a strangled noise when Dave stands and turns around with a smile. His goddamn abs are back on display.

Dirk meanwhile, gives a significant look to Karkat after hearing that (because of course he heard it). Karkat sticks his tongue out at him.

“Get dressed, Dave. Karkat... I guess you can stay here actually. Don’t wanna freak them out.”

Dave throws on his tank top without even trying to dry himself off and gives a thumbs up. Dirk sighs in infinite disappointment and allows it.

“Bye, Kat,” Dave waves as he’s being pulled out the door. “I’ll bring Rose by later, kay?”

Karkat almost lifts his hand up to wave goodbye, but the door is already shut. He drops his hand into the water with a light splash. His face is cooling down a little.

Alone again.


	15. Rose: Reunite With Your Twin Brother

Rose Lalonde brushes off her violet raincoat in a completely calculated movement, allowing herself a second to gather her thoughts. Her right hand shifts it’s grip on the umbrella she’s holding, tilting it slightly to the side. She’s trying to avoid getting rain in her platinum blonde hair (which is cut short into a bob that brushes her chin). Her lips part ever so slightly, careful of the black paint gracing their surface.

The young man standing across from her notices none of this. Rose had noticed his apparent lack of observation skills nearly ten minutes ago, when he’d first joined her at the pier. He’s waving his arms and chatting excitedly. Every once in a while he’ll look over, or ask a question to make sure Rose is listening, but other then that he seems quite fine to talk without her input.

Rose isn’t rude, though, so she comments every now and then. She’s mostly sizing him up, taking him in, gathering information.

This young man, around the same age as her (if not younger), is allegedly named John Egbert. His dark black hair is tufty and looks hurriedly combed, and his buck-toothed grin is wide and apparently completely genuine. Rose watches him stumble over his words a few times, slightly nervous about meeting someone new, but he warms up to her rather quickly and loses the shyness.

His eyes are bright and blue. John seems very excitable, and wears his heart on his sleeve. He sometimes sticks his tongue out to see if he can catch any rain— an odd and fairly juvenile action— before stopping and laughing to himself. 

It’s also worth noting, Rose thinks to herself, that John is only wearing shorts and a long-sleeved shirt. Obviously he’s native to Washington, and isn’t perturbed by something like this hellish downpour. Fascinating.

“And then she said, ‘that’s what they called me at the circus’!” John finishes with a laugh. “Isn’t that ridiculous, uh, miss... Rose, right?”

“Rose is fine,” Rose says, watching John with stillness. Maybe John isn’t a fan of the way she’s sizing him up like a viper preparing to strike, because he trails off. Rose attempts a small smile. It comes out as a sarcastic pursing of the lips.

John falters. “Uh, well, I think my dad should be here soon.” He raises a hand to his eyes, wiping off his glasses and peering through the rain. “Oh, I think that’s him!”

Rose turns to follow his line of sight, her umbrella twisting. Sure enough, a large cruise ship is docking not too far away.

“Haha, wow, that’s a big ship!” John grins. He reaches down and picks up his backpack, a worn blue one, that he’d left on the gravel. “Maybe I didn’t need to bring all these snacks.”

The ship stops moving at the side of the dock, and the folding stairs in the side lower carefully. John starts cheerily jogging towards them, and Rose follows at a distance, holding her umbrella at an appropriate angle.

As they reach the ship it becomes easier to see through the mist and rain. It shouldn’t be that surprising that the Puget Sound is this foggy and wet. Actually, it’s not surprising at all— Rose came decently prepared, with several raincoats and an umbrella.

At the top of the stairs, Rose can make out the shapes of a large group of people waiting for them. Most of the people are in the crew uniform, but three of them in the front are brightly colored and waving to Rose enthusiastically.

She offers a small smile, even knowing they can’t see her from here, and gives a small wave in response.

When they reach the ship John slings his backpack around his shoulders and begins climbing with little hesitation. Rose isn’t sure how he’s not losing his footing every now and then— the stairs are narrow for travel convenience and slick with rainwater.

Regardless of any supposed difficulties, the young man makes it to the top and is quickly pulled into the embrace of a plump dark-haired girl in an apron. They share several genetic similarities, and Rose wouldn’t be surprised if they were related. The girl’s buck-tooth smile nearly rivals John’s own.

Rose grabs the side railing and begins carefully walking up the stairs, being mindful of her heels. It wouldn’t do to slip and seriously hurt herself, or worse, embarrass herself in front of guests.

One of the teens at the top of the stairs leans over to shout at her.

“You’re taking your sweet time, huh Rosie?!” Dave yells with his hands cupped around his mouth. This is entirely unnecessary, because Rose isn’t more then three yards from him. “Don’t wanna admit you missed us? We’re dying from the lack of love over here, Rose.”

“Hurry uuuuup, Rosie,” Rose’s older sister adds with an exaggerated groan. She’s trying to get Rose to go faster while still being playful about it. This way no one can blame her. It is a diabolical tactic that every Lalonde has been known to exercise.

“Apologies for not hurrying to one’s wishes,” Rose says stiffly as she reaches the top of the boat. She closes her umbrella with a snap, supposing that her hair can manage a few minutes wet. She’s not that conceited. “If you hadn’t noticed, it’s extremely wet out, and it was in my best interests to be mindful of the—“

Rose cuts herself off, biting her black painted lips as she realizes her error. Her two estranged brothers turn to face her with matching expressions of delight. If Dave took those self-conscious and defensive shades off, Rose is certain his eyes would be stars.

“Are you saying—“ Dirk starts, but Dave cuts him off easily.

“We WARNED you about the stairs, Rose,” Dave says, his point-blank face not hiding the way his hands clench in glee. “We TOLD you dawg.”

Rose snorts in disgust and then hides her smile behind her hand. Her brothers are so ridiculously juvenile. It’s amazing that this meme is still going strong, after three years. “Perhaps you have. Regardless, it’s nice to s—“

Roxy scoops Rose up into a bone-crushing hug, the smell of shampoo and something sweet (Cookies? That’s weird... Roxy doesn’t bake) encasing the small girl. 

“Rosie, it’s been FOR-EV-AH!” Roxy screeches. On the contrary, it’s been three weeks and five days, but Rose isn’t trying to judge. She’s mildly flattered that Roxy missed her that much.

“Yeah dude, you missed the hella nice view and the beds and the awesome food.” Dave chef kisses with sarcastic flair. “I waited at my door for you every day. I missed you so much, dude. You have no idea.”

Rose rolls her eyes, running her fingers over her coat buttons. Roxy finally lets the younger Lalonde go, slowly and reluctantly releasing her grip until Roses’ feet were once again on the floor.

“You left me all alone with only a note. And you were the main breadwinner, what was I to do in your absence, Rose? What was I to DO?” Dave lifts a hand dramatically to his forehead. Then he drops it and his voice continues in his normal monotone. “I was basically starving to death. I started eating rats. There was no word from you, you never bothered to write back from the war. Every day I worried that my strong spouse had been killed on the front lines. I was left alone to clean my own nineteen-twenties era dresses because laundry machines hadn’t been fuckin invented and who knows how to use those things anyway? And I had to take care of our five children. It was a mess, a disaster. I mailed the government: they weren’t even gonna give me life insurance if you died. Life insurance, Rose.”

“Mh-hm.” Rose nods solemnly. “I’m sorry that you had to suffer as a worried housewife who was also apparently Schroeder’s Widow in this weird and possibly incest situation.”

“Oh, wow, way to make it weird,” Dave says, his thick eyebrows crinkling upwards. But suddenly John (who had been watching this conversation take place with a look of mounting horror) spotted someone behind them and practically leapt for joy.

“Dad!” The small Egbert shouted, and he sprinted up to a man in a captains’ uniform. The man scooped up his son into his arms and squeezed him tight as they both hugged. “I missed you!” John crowed, and suddenly most of the Strilondes turned away out of embarrassment. Rose pointedly watched Dave for any reaction to the tender father-son moment, and Dave pointedly ignored her. Ah, well. Someday.

Striders are hard nuts to crack.

Dirk walks over and pats Rose on the shoulder; a gesture of affection he’d developed in the year at the mansion. Rose looks up and manages to meet his amber eyes through his dark shades. She gives him a small half-smile. Dirk returns it before leaving her personal space.

Dave turns back to Rose now that John and his Dad have walked back into the ship together. He faces her for a second, face unreadable, and then punches her in the arm.

“Well,” Rose says in mild surprise, rubbing the spot he hit. “Hello to you as well.”

“That’s for Schroeder’s-Widow-ing me,” Dave explains in mock anger. His eyebrows are drawn down over the dumb shades he’s owned for the whole time Rose has known him.

“I missed you, too, Dave,” Rose responds, and pulls her twin into a hug. Dave stiffens quickly, and then obviously forces himself to relax, and then _actually_ sinks into the hug for only a second before standing back up.

“Alright, first order of business. Where’s that Egbert dude, gotta meet him,” Dave says conversationally, grabbing Rose by the sleeve and pulling her inside the boat and out of the rain. “Second order of business: we’re having a goddamn family night. Partially because Dirk said so and partially because you’re not allowed to go so long without being SMOTHERED in us.”

Rose nods thoughtfully as she’s dragged through endless halls. She kind of wishes that Dave has let her take off her raincoat, it’s staring to feel gross and damp under here now that she’s out of the rain.

Rose remembers something and gently tugs on the hand Dave has captured. She smiles smugly as she narrows her lined eyes at him.

“What about Karkat?” Rose practically purrs. “I’d so looked forward to meeting him.”

Dave, rather then freezing or twitching in guilt like Rose expected, just rolls his eyes. “We’re waiting until night when he’s awake. I already messed up his sleep schedule today, he’ll be pissed if I do it again.”

Rose hums quietly, wondering if that was genuine. On one hand, it was completely reasonable for her brother to ramble too far and come up with an inside joke he was too stubborn to drop. On the other hand, Rose knew Dave’s tells, and they were acting up when he talked about Karkat in ways that were way too genuine.

It was possible Karkat was a fictional character Dave was getting all worked up and in love with, but Rose thinks that would be too embarrassing for Dave to take as far as this.

It really did seem like the merman was on the verge of being proven real. 

“Aight, dude, what movies you feeling? I bet Dirk can get anything booted up on the television—“

“Wait wait wait,” Rose pulls on her brother’s hand for a moment. “Give me a second to adjust, Young Strider.” 

Dave’s face irks in embarrassment and he ceases pulling on Rose like an impatient little child. “Sorry.” He scratches the side of his face as Rose shuffles off her wet raincoat to reveal a warm t-shirt and purple skirt.

“Now, let’s take a moment to catch up and breathe, shall we, Brother dearest?” Rose walks into the room that’s obviously been claimed as Dave’s (going by the photos pinned on the wall and the socks on the floor). Rose brushes off her skirt and then plops onto the bed, patting the spot beside her invitingly. Dave sighs and sits next to her, throwing himself onto his back with his hands behind his head.

“Sup,” he says, ever the word master. Rose purses her lips in slight disappointment.

“We are having a serious conversation, are we not?”

“If you wanna make it serious, I guess. This can be serious as hell. Serious as Justin Bieber cheating on his girlfriend in national television. Serious as Obama creating free healthcare in the year 2020. Serious as shit, Rose.”

Rose folds her hands in her lap. “If this is a serious conversation, then you’ll have no problem removing your eyeware, will you?”

Dave frowns immediately. His voice stays flat, but it’s unmistakable how his shoulders have started to hunch in. 

“Not cool, Rose. I’ve gotta stay cool. I’ve gotta keep up my cool guy persona, gotta protect the ladies from my attractive face. One look at this thing in its full glory and the earth would literally just explode. Then we’d have to do something dumb like stay on a meteor for three years until we found a new planet. It’d be insane. I’d be so starved for new memes that I’d make my own. Some of them would be about you. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

Rose sighs. “You don’t have to be so sensitive about your appearance, you know. We’re family.”

“Rose,” Dave turns to look at her, and she can almost see his eyes through the blackness. “I mean it in the kindest, most brotherly, loving way, when I say: fuck off.”

“Fine.” Rose flops down backwards so she’s laying behind him, letting out a soft ‘oof’. “How are you?”

“Kinda bored. You’d think a cruise would be more exiting, but so for the most interesting thing that’s happened so far is Karkat.”

“Ah,” Rose smiles a little. An opening. Time to crack the Strider open. “Tell me about him.”

Dave... softens, sinking into the sheets a little. “He’s great, Rose. He’s so loud and, and, expressive. And he doesn’t hide shit and he doesn’t lie to me and he always says what he’s feeling. It’s rad as hell.”

“It sounds rad,” Rose agreed amiably, trying to keep Dave going. 

This is the most genuine she’s heard him sound in ages. And from what she understands about Dave’s ‘guardian’... he probably has specific PTSD towards people hiding their emotions. For the first month or so when the boys first moved in, If Rose gave either of them a fake smile or a blank expression they’d stiffen and reach for their swords.

“He’s so COOL, too! Like, a real-ass merman in the middle of buttfuck nowhere! Who would’ve though?!” Dave goes on, waving his hands. “He’s, like, a genetic mutant so his empire is out to kill him or something. That’s why he’s so chill about being stuck on this boat; it’s actually way safer then the ocean. His blood is red, so his scales are this really pretty bloodred shade. And his skin is gray, Rose! His hair is like, dark and weirdly flowing and soft and his eyes are— Wait a MINUTE what is that LOOK on your face, you snarky harpy?!”

Rose hides her smile behind her hand. “Nothing.”

“Oh no, you witch. I see you giggling like a fruity-ass Oompa Loompa on a sugar high,” Dave sits up with righteous anger.

Rose starts stifling her giggles behind her hand with perfect and masterful composure. 

“Don’t mock the Strider, Rose,” Dave says warningly, and then he shoves her off the bed.

Rose yelps and lands on the shag-carpet rug, hurting her left arm in the process. 

“Ow,” the young lady protests, and Dave leans over the edge of the bed to grin at her. His platinum blonde hair falls over his shades loosely.

“You’re a nonsensical moron,” Rose complains affectionately.

“Back atcha, sis,” Dave smiles.


	16. John: Introduce Yourself to the Cool Kids

John Egbert is suddenly aware of being John!

Which is weird, of course he’s John. He’s always been John, and never anybody else. What kind of a weird thought was that? There was no one better to be then John, he was sure.

Anyway, John, being himself, bounces up and down on the couch. He’s exited because the Strilondes mentioned something about a MOVIE NIGHT. And goodness does John love movies!

He also, possibly, maybe, is pent up with nervous energy because of all the new people. Not that John doesn’t like people! He’s just... not very used to them, is all. It’s not as if he really has any friends. It’s mostly just been him and Jane, and his dad, of course.

The idea that this trip might invoke FRIENDSHIP is too strong an idea to resist! John considers introducing himself to the resident Cool Kids, the Striders. John knows they are cool because they both wear sunglasses and obviously only the coolest of cool dudes wear sunglasses.

This couch is pretty bouncy, thinks John to himself. He wonders when the other people will be getting here. Social nervousness aside, he’s pretty excited to talk to someone new.

Rose had seemed okay. She was kind of quiet, and watched him like a hawk watches a mouse, but she’d acted like that around her siblings, too, so maybe that was just normal for her. John wasn’t one to hold a grudge, after all— especially if she was just being herself!

Rose’s older sister had only been in his line of sight for a second before she’d wandered off to argue with one of her brothers. But John has caught a glimpse of bright magenta eyes flashing mischievously as she scooped Rose up. 

Come to think of it, Rose’s eyes had been a deep, extremely unnatural violet color. John has originally written it off as a trick of the fog, but maybe that wasn’t right. Maybe weird eye colors ran in their family? Did the Striders have odd, brightly colored eyes too? Maybe the girls just wore colored contacts. Who knew.

John reaches up to adjust his square glasses nervously. Are they going to show up anytime soon? So far it’s just him and Jane in this little living room, and Jane is tidying up (apparently part of her First Mate duties).

When she’s done, John’s older sister sighs loudly and plops down on the couch, purposely landing hard so John is launched into the air.

“Jane,” he complains, and she giggles. Jane throws one of her arms around John and pulls him into a side hug. She smells like cookies and... someone’s perfume? Weird, Jane doesn’t wear perfume.

“They’ll be here soon, Roxy just sent me a text,” Jane says. “Apparently the eldest Strider threw a fit about leaving his room.”

The older Strider was the pointy one, John remembered. His triangle-shaped sunglasses kind of made him look like an anime character. So did his extremely gelled hair, actually.

The door to the small living room slams open, nearly missing the large flatscreen television as it crashed into the wall.

“Yo yo yo, Strider’s in the HOUSE,” says the boy standing in the doorway. His round sunglasses obscure his eyes as he walks over to the couch and sits on the floor in front of John. “Betcha couldn’t wait to meet me.”

“Yeah!” John grins at him. The light haired boy doesn’t grin back, but he nods ever so slightly, as cool dudes are known to do. This is basically a cool kids’ way of saying there might just be hope for you yet.

“John, this is Dave Strider,” Jane says sweetly, patting Dave on the head. He quickly moves away from her outstretched arm. “Dave, this is my brother John.”

“It’s nice to see you again, John,” says a polite voice from the hallway, and John looks up to see Rose. She’s not wearing her raincoat anymore, just a purple skirt and a tee-shirt with a weird looking octopus symbol on it.

“Sorry we took longer then a giraffes’ dislocated neck,” Dave offers. “My bro’s being an ass. Somehow. Despite his complete lack of one. He lacks one so badly, Roxy was thinking of starting a charity drive. Like food stamps, but for plush rumps. The ‘Dirk Strider’s Ass Drive’.” 

John watches this, sort of amused but mostly confused as Dave says a lot of weird things that don’t make sense. Ah well, cool kids are often ahead of their time. It’s Johns own fault he can’t catch up. The young man nods slightly, trying to show Dave he agrees with whatever was just said.

“Woah, hey there,” calls an unfamiliar voice. The pointy-haired cool kid leans over Rose’s shoulder to peer into the little room. “You’re not talking shit about my ass to our guests, are you?”

“Dirk! You know I would _never_ ,” Dave protests, sounding very insincere. He places a hand to his chest. “How could you think so lowly of me?”

“Good. Because that thing’s sensitive as hell.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” say Rose and Dave in near-perfect unison. Rose looks over her shoulder to smugly smile at Dirk and her twin makes a similar face from the floor. They both raise their eyebrows suggestively.

“Okay!” Yells an older girl as she bursts into the room, shoving Rose and Dirk away from each other and effectively ending their staring contest. “That’s enough of that.”

This must be Roxy, John realizes as the girl fluffs our her curly blonde hair and then starts messing with the DVD player under the television. John can’t help but admire her pink cat-patterned pajamas. That was definitely an outfit.

“DiStri, come help a gal out, wontcha?”

Dirk sighs in exaggerated annoyance and walks over, doing something on his phone to sync it up with the screen. When he’s finished, he bows grandly, and Roxy prances over to the couch to sit next to Jane. Dirk sits next to her, yawning a little. Rose joins her twin on the floor, both stretching their legs out to try and annoy the other.

“What movie do you feel like watching?” Dirk asks nonchalantly. 

“Con Air!” Johns blurts excitedly. Because he always feels like watching that!

Everyone falls silent and Jane drops her face into her hands in embarrassment.

Dave and Dirk are sort of giving John matching expressions of horror, while Rose seems more intrigued by the reactions around her then John himself.

“... No,” Dirk says finally, and John deflates slightly, but not that much because he’s still as excited as ever about watching the movie. “How do we feel about Jurassic Park?”

“I’ve never seen that!” John says curiously, and the twins look disappointed.

“Oh, you poor dear. You have never known the psychological pain of watching poor special effect murders and child actors gain PTSD,” Rose sighs. Dave nods in agreement.

“Haha, what?”

“Never mind, We’re watching it,” Dirk interrupts, and he plays the movie. It starts with animal handlers being killed, although off-screen. John isn’t quite sure if he likes the movie yet, but Rose and Dave laugh together on the floor in front of him.

Around the time the people get into the safari cars John understands what the basic plot of this movie is. The theme park of dinosaurs is going to kill a bunch of people and mentally scar others. John wonders who thought recreating Dinos was even a good idea.

Dave talks a lot throughout the movie, which John finds kind of annoying, but he’s mostly making relevant comments about the movie and sometimes Dirk or Roxy chip in with something funny, so it isn’t all bad.

“Oh, John, the lawyer dude’s about to die,” Dave suddenly says. “On the toilet and everything, poor dude.”

Rose gasps and hits him on the shoulder. “David! Spoilers!”

“Oh, I’m _sorry_ ,” Dave drawls, emphasizing a slight Texan accent John hadn’t really noticed before. He gets several shushes from the couch. Rose purses her black lips at him, and he rolls his eyes.

“Sure wish we had snacks. You can’t watch a movie without ‘em, bros,” Dave goes on. “But the kitchen didn’t have anything like that, Roxy LIED to me.”

Roxy sighs. John lights up after a moment, reaching down for his backpack and pulling out some Doritos and Skittles. 

“I brought these if you’re interested... ?”

“Oh my god, John,” Dave says, sitting up and turning to face him, “I am SO interested. Just call me your partner and start signing marriage forms, that’s how interested I am. Listen for those angel choirs bro— I’m suddenly feeling pretty damn matrimonial.”

“Uh, what?” But Dave’s already grabbing the bags and hoarding them in his lap, popping each open with practiced ease and starting to chow down. Wow, he wasn’t kidding about wanting snacks.

“At least eat them separately,” Rose protests, her nose scrunching up, but Dave ignores her. The Skittle and Dorito combo must be very cool.

They keep watching the movie, which John’s now decided is kind of okay, before Dirk suddenly sits ramrod straight, drawing Dave’s attention.

“Dave,” he says, which is apparently even more worrying because a furrow appears between Dave’s eyebrows. “When was the last time you checked on the _heavily chlorinated_ pool?”

Dave blanches. “Uh... before Rose got here. That’s almost an hour ago now! Oh my god.” Dave jumps to his feet, the few Skittles that has been left scattering on the floor. Rose scoops them up into her hand immediately (five second rule).

“I’ll be right back!” Dave shouts, and runs out of the room like his life depends on it. John watches this with confusion. Why does Dave need to check up on a pool?

“I’ll go too,” Rose offers, standing up, and Dirk and Roxy stand up a few seconds after that. All three of them leave, but Roxy waves and gives Jane a significant look before she shuts the door.

“What was that all about?” John blurts in a puzzled tone. Jane shrugs.

“We should keep watching the movie, John. They’ve all seen it before,” Jane points out, and wow, yeah, she was right about that. She usually is. What a darn swell sister Jane could be.

John can’t help but wonder what could be so important as to make the two coolest dudes lose their cool so quickly.


	17. Dave: Absolutely Lose Your Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alt tilte: Dave: Go Sicko Mode For Five Hours (3,000 Words)

“KARKAT!” Dave yells as soon as he’s sure he’s far enough down the hallway that the Egberts can’t hear him anymore. He’s sprinting down the ship, full force to the pool room closest to the foyer. 

His breath fills his ears and so does the rushing of blood. Vaguely, Dave’s aware of a couple of other pairs of feet following behind him, but honestly he couldn’t care less. The walls flash past and he hardly sees them.

Karkat is in danger and it is all his fault.

Of course, of COURSE marine life couldn’t be kept in chlorine. How fucking stupid could Dave get?! Karkat is going to die, Karkat could be DEAD and it would be all Dave’s fault because he couldn’t think more then two minutes ahead.

Dave’s heart is nearly beating out of chest, which is actually extremely painful. He skids dangerously on the wet water outside the door as he grasps the handle to stop his momentum, not pausing to catch his breath as he wrenches the door open.

Dave runs into the room, slipping on the wet floor and falling onto his hands and knees. He doesn’t register the shock of pain going through him from hitting the tile because he’s too busy staring at the floating merman in the water.

Dave’s face twitches once. Twice.

And he screams Dirk’s name.

The older Strider is there almost immediately, probably having already been behind him, and Dave’s sisters aren’t far after. 

But Dave doesn’t notice that because he doesn’t care because KARKAT IS HURT.

Dirk is in the water before Dave even says anything, fully clothed and scooping the small body out bridal-style with his arms. Dirk steps to get out of the water as fast as possible.

He moves past Dave, heading straight for the hallway and the foyer, so Dave only catches a glimpse of the way Karkat’s skin is way, way too pale. He chokes.

Roxy reaches out, saying something in consolation, but Dave doesn’t hear her and he shoves her aside because like HELL is he letting Karkat out of his sight.

Dirk carries Karkat to his fountain, setting him in it gently. The merman’s dark hair swirls lightly across his face, his eyes closed and his face calm and blank.

Dave rushes forward the second Dirk sets him down, crashing to his knees and plunging his hands into the cold water to grab both of Karkat’s webbed ones. He opens the palms, tracing the red film inbetween each finger with his thumbs. Dave can’t talk. His heart is beating too loud and he can’t get in any oxygen.

He’s just staring at the way spots on Karkat’s neck and especially around his ‘grubscars’ have gone blotchily white.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Dave whispers to the sleeping boy. Someone pats him gently on the shoulder and he sobs a little. 

“He’s alive, but he needs space and clean water,” Dirk’s voice says from somewhere behind him. Dave nods slightly. His eyes aren’t leaving Karkat’s face. Some of the merman’s sharp teeth are awkwardly sticking out. 

Dave thinks that Roxy and Dirk are talking to each other somewhere behind him, but he doesn’t listen, he’s too lost in it. Karkat could have DIED and it would have been all Dave’s fault. Why did he think the pool was a good idea? Why was he so short sighted?

Roxy and Dirk eventually leave, probably to entertain their guests. Rose keeps her hand on Dave’s shoulder until he stands up and it slides off.

Dave swings one leg over the rock side of the fountain, and then the other leg. Once he’s inside the cold water shocks him and almost wakes him from his mind, but it doesn’t manage all the way.

Dave lays down on his side in the shallow water, next to Karkat. When he’s this close, he can hear the soft clicking noises as Karkat breathes. Dave almost cries in relief, but his heart is still squeezing sickeningly.

He ruffles Karkat’s unnaturally thick hair and just lies there, aware of Rose watching him but not really caring too much about it. At least she can wake him up if he starts to drown. His clothes are completely soaked and he couldn’t care less.

Karkat’s chest rises and falls slowly, a slight weight off the shoulders.

Dave slips into unconsciousness as his panic attack finally wears off.

——————————————

Dave blinks blearily as he wakes up in water, and thinks, wow, WHAT happened last night?

And then he turns and he sees Karkat and his mood sours instantly.

He can see Rose, too, she’s sitting in the corner of the room typing away on her phone. At least she stayed here to keep him from drowning like a dumbass.

The red-tailed merman is still sleeping, but he twitches and makes noises every now and then so he’s hopefully more awake then before. Dave lets his gaze travel down to the white blotches left from what was probably chlorine poisoning and winces. God, he really is just the literal actual worst.

Karkat could’ve died and then... that just would’ve been IT. He’d never get to argue with the merman over romcoms again, never tempt him with slices of salmon. He’d never get to ask all the questions he’d been holding back on about merpeople and he’d never get to tell Karkat about his life and his family and how much he wishes for a friend.

Holy shit. Karkat is his friend. 

Dave nearly slaps himself at the thought. Of course it took the merman nearly fucking dying for Dave to even realize it but god, this merman is probably Dave’s only and closest friend.

You could call that Love, even.

Dave covers his eyes with his hands as he realizes that thought and predicts how much of a party Rose would throw if she ever finds out something like that. Hopefully, she won’t.

Love. You can love your best friend, can’t you?

Of course you can. There’s no toxic masculinity up in THIS bitch. Dave left that stuff behind with Bro. He shouldn’t have to worry about being ‘manly’ ever again, Dirk promised it.

Loving your best friend is a perfectly normal and wonderful thing, and it means you have a really great best friend, obviously. It’s not, like, unmanly.

Dave glances at Karkat as the fish boy rolls over to face him, chewing on his lips slightly in his sleep. His dark hair follows at a slower pace, falling over his eyes gently.

Okay, so like, loving your best friend and ALSO finding him super attractive doesn’t really mean anything either.

Dave’s not, like, into him. Or anything.

Okay, WOW, this is a train of thought that can be saved for later!

Dave reaches over (his body feels all... weird from sleeping in water. At least Rose kept him alive) and shakes Karkat’s shoulder.

The gray boy grumbles at the contact. Dave’s heart soars in relief. 

“Dude, wake up,” Dave mutters, shaking him more firmly. 

Karkat suddenly sits up, clicking through a slightly hoarse throat, and looks around bewilderedly.

“What—“ He starts to rasp, but he shuts up because Dave grabs him and pulls him into a tight hug. Karkat stiffens and then slowly lowers his chin until it’s resting on Dave’s shoulder. Dave just holds on with all his might.

They sort of stay like that for a second, and in some ways it’s awkward but it’s mostly overrun by Dave’s relief.

“Glad you’re, uh,” Dave stops at the very obvious crack in his voice. He clears his throat. “Glad you’re alive.”

“Me too,” Karkat hisses softly. “What happened?” He pulls away from the hug, and Dave finds himself missing the feeling almost immediately, and then pushing it down. Rose is in the corner of this room and there’s no way she’s not spying.

Karkat is watching him with his yellow eyes, his expression revealing confusion, anxiety, and... trust. In Dave. When did that start being a thing?

“It turns out the pool is poison for you,” Dave mumbles. He will not cry about this. He will not cry about this. Cool guys don’t cry.

“Oh,” Karkat says, not seeming to know what to do. Dave realizes he’s kind of just sitting in Karkat’s personal fountain space, but he doesn’t have the heart to move.

“Hello,” says a voice above them, and both boys flinch.

Rose leans over the rock wall and smiles in that witchy way she does. Honestly, the purple eyes and black makeup do nothing to help with her witch vibes. Which is probably exactly what she is going for.

“Karkat,” she says, reaching a hand down into the fountain for a handshake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard many good things, and although I was dubious about your reality before, I’m now fairly sure you are not a hoax.”

“... thanks?” Karkat replies hoarsely, looking at her hand like it was a gun and not shaking it. Breathing in chlorine really did a number on the poor guys’s throat. Rose eventually retracts her hand.

“What’s your favorite color, Karkat?” Rose asks, and the merman slams his arms into the water, splashing hard. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Do humans not know how to communicate or have small talk other then ask weird and blatantly hemophobic questions?! Jesus Christ! It’s Jade!”

“Hmm, lovely,” Rose nods as if he hadn’t just screamed at her. And Dave laughs. Because good old Karkat is back to himself, it seems.

Or mostly, anyway, because he starts coughing up a storm after he finishes yelling at Rose. Dave pats his back sympathetically, feeling a wave of guilt. His fault Karkat had gotten so hurt. His.

“Dirk is worried about you,” Rose says to Dave, shifting the focus off of the marine creature hacking up a lung.

“Dirk has a stick up his ass,” Dave responds calmly.

He stands up, letting water run off him in waves. His tank top and swim trunks are probably going to take five hours to dry at this point. Whatever.

“I’ll talk to Dirk if you get Karkat something to eat,” Dave says, not really a suggestion as he stomps out the door. Rose lets out a snort behind him.

Dave tramps down the hall until he finally finds what he believes is Dirk’s room. When he throws open the door, he expects Dirk to be waiting for him, but he’s not.

Dave steps inside and lets the door close behind him. The lights are on a dim setting, and around three computer monitors are sitting on the work table that’s been set up. Dave sighs in annoyance. Dirk brought his stupid project here. Of course. This is probably what Roxy and Dirk has been arguing about earlier— she’s starting to lose her patience for his isolation tactics.

As he scoffs and taps his foot, trying to decide if he should wait or go look for his brother, the computer makes a loud noise.

It was obviously some kind of notification, but it’s so unexpected that Dave jumps. It doesn’t sound like Pesterchum. 

Curious, Dave leans towards the screen with a frown. A line of text is flashing, waiting for input.

RUN_SYSTEM PROGRAM

DEVICE FUNCTIONING - - REDIRECTING TO SHADES.TLDH.IOS 

Heuristically_Programmed_ALgorithmic_Computer_ READY AND FUNCTIONAL 

Wow. Weird. Dirk is getting up to weird stuff in here again. Dave shakes his head wordlessly and moves on, accepting he won’t understand anything Dirk programmed.

The door swings open, and sure enough, it’s the man of the hour himself. 

Dirk shuts the door behind him, folding his arms and staring at Dave like a disappointed parent. 

Dave stares back.

“So,” Dirk begins.

“So,” Dave agrees, wishing he would just get to the point and quit being theatrical.

Dirk sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “Didn’t I say not to get attached to the merman?”

Dave things for a moment, looking up and placing a hand on his chin sarcastically. “Actually no, you’ve literally never said that.”

“Huh,” Dirk seems surprised for a second. “Well it was implied.”

“Why can’t I get attached to him?” Dave asks, annoyed. “What’s so wrong with it?”

“We have to return him, and I don’t want you to get hurt, Da—“

“Says who?!” Dave snaps. “Nobody said we needed to return him. Hell, Karkat even wants to stay here, he’s on the run anyway!”

Dirk only stares for a moment before sighing. “You’re already attached, then.”

“So what if I am,” Dave challenges quietly. His voice has a dangerous lilt to it. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Dirk sighs, and he doesn’t move. The two brothers stare at each other for almost a minute until Dirk suddenly jerks his chin up. And old and well-used gesture. _Watch out. Grab sword. Someone’s coming._

Dave bends his knees slightly and looks away. 

The door bursts open and Jane is standing there, her apron slightly wet and her hands covered in something slimy. She’s beaming, and steps inside without noticing the previous tension.

“Boys! You won’t believe this, but I’ve figured out a little solution to Karkat’s scale-poison-issue.” Jane waves her hands around, almost flinging the substance off. Dirk sends a worried glance to his machinery. 

Dave lights up and bounces in his feet. “Really?! Show me!” 

At the same time Dirk says; “Where’s John?”

Jane smiles. “He fell asleep. Traveling tires him out. And as for Karkat, you should come see him now!” Jane absconds and the door swings shut behind her. Dave and Dirk both stand, awkwardly, until Dave grabs the door handle and makes to pull it open.

“Just... be careful, okay?” Dirk pleads. Dave meets his gaze for a second, forever unsure if they are actually meeting their eyes through two layers of sunglasses.

“Yeah. Okay,” Dave reluctantly agrees, and some of the tension leaves Dirk’s shoulders as he pulls the door open and they both walk out.

Jane doesn’t even notice that they took an extra moment.

————————

Karkat, as it turns out, is fine. In fact, he’s nearly back to normal, going into screaming fits about the gross medical goo Jane plastered over his scales.

Dirk seems really confused about this: apparently there isn’t an actual way to reverse chlorine damage to fish. Jane just shrugs and says some special calculations were involved, considering Karkat was a merman. Dirk says that she must be a miracle worker.

Jane is embarrassed and mentions something about it just being a mixture of activated charcoal and moisturizer, but Dirk shakes his head in amusement.

When Dave asks Karkat how he’s doing, it seems the merman is pretty peeved because he threw up a lot and then was subjected to “that human’s torturous medical ways”. Dave feels really bad and tries to crack a few jokes, but eventually he goes with Rose to set up her room.

He’s making the bed (because she brought her own sheets with her for some reason) when Rose raps him on the shoulder with a dangerous aura.

“What,” Dave sighs, almost not in the mood.

“So,” Rose starts, brushing off her skirt. “Karkat.”

“Yep. What about him?” Dave asks, falling face-first onto her bed because she invaded his space earlier so it’s only fair. “Did you call a psychologist because he’s real? Did you realize how beautiful he is? Holy shit, Rose, do you have a thing for my best bro?”

Rose wrinkles up her nose and kicks one of his legs a little. “Yes, because I’m definitely into Karkat, and boys at all by extension.”

Dave rolls over so his shades aren’t pressing into the bed uncomfortably. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rose sighs dramatically and falls on the bed beside him like she did when she first got here. Now she’s wearing a lavender nightgown and less makeup.

“I always did have to spell things out for you, since you’re so dense,” Rose muses, and Dave opens his mouth to protest before she says “I’m a lesbian, obviously.”

And Dave shuts his mouth. Because wow, that’s not what he was expecting.

Although if he thinks about it, it makes sense. Rose has never really been into dudes. Dave sort of figured she was too uptight or something, but evidently that wasn’t the case.

He’s not... upset. Or disapproving. He doesn’t even care that much; it’s _Rose_. She can do what (and who) she wants to, it’s really not his business. 

It’s just. Weird. Because Dave didn’t realize anyone he knew was like that, and he didn’t realize it was thing that was ever going to be part of his life at all because it wasn’t very manly and—

Okay, okay stop. That’s the toxic stuff again. Dave needs to stop falling back on things that he’s learned from Bro. 

He’s totally okay with this.

“I can see you freaking out over there,” Rose says, not sounding very amused. Dave pretends he can’t hear her so she just rolls her eyes. “It’s okay if you’re having an issue. I know how you were raised.”

Dave opens his mouth again, because who was _she_ to talk about how _he_ was raised—

Rose slaps her hand over his mouth without batting an eye. “I want you to know that it’s _okay_. And that you can move past the things you’ve been taught.”

Dave licks her hand and she retracts it with a shriek.

“DAVE!” Rose shouts in fury, and Dave laughs hard enough that she finds it very easy to shove him off the bed.

Dave lands on the hardwood floor, gaining nothing to his name but a bruised shoulder.

Rose smirks at him from her bed and Dave thinks that yeah, this probably is only fair.


	18. Karkat: Ignore Any and All Problems

-  
-  
-

“Feeling better?”

“I don’t have to answer to you,” Karkat snaps. Rose simply raises an eyebrow like she was expecting that. She’s very annoying.

The merman rolls over, the saltwater soothing his scales. 

“A little, yes, you insufferable witch.” 

Rose nods.

“Dave’s really sorry, you know.”

“Really sorry?!” Karkat spits. “He’s been avoiding me all day!”

Rose shrugs her shoulders, somehow elegantly. She kind of reminds him of Kanaya. But Kanaya is actually genuine with her elegance, not pretentious.

“He’s going through some things right this second. It’s not really your fault,” Rose explains, then narrows her eyes and stares into space. “Well... mostly.”

“How is that supposed to make me feel better?!” Karkat snaps. “Was your goal to make me more upset?! To piss me off? Rile me up? ‘Oh, look at Karkat, it’s funny when he’s so fucking angry all the time’! Well think again, you insufferable creature, I’m ALWAYS angry! I could choke you to death if I wanted to, but luckily I hate myself way more then I hate you!” 

Rose stares at him with her highblood eyes. “I understand now what Dave sees in you.”

Karkat growls softly and splashes in the water. Rose thinks for a second, clearly trying to say something. Karkat kind of wishes she would shut up and go away. At the same time she’s his only company, currently.

However, she’s also extremely prissy. And calculated. And scary. Whatever chart exists to measure those factors, Rose is all the way off of it. She’d break the meter. The “Flighty Broad’s Snarky Horshitometer” was definitely smashed.

“Dave’s got his own past issues that are intertwining with his present issues, and currently that makes it hard for him to talk to you.” Karkat snorts at this and buries his face in the water. It’s been hours since Dave even looked at him. Not that Karkat needs Dave’s attention constantly, he’s not that disgustingly needy. But like, it would nice.

The elder human girl... Roxy?... saunters into the foyer wearing something probably way too over-the-top, going by how sparkly it is. Karkat wants to avert his eyes but he can’t. The sparkles... are mesmerizing.

“Wassup Karkat?” Roxy asks, reaching out her hand like she wants to pat his head and then deciding better of it. “We’re almost ready, B-T-dubs.”

Karkat leans as far away from her as he can, trying to make a point. “WHAT’S almost ready, you tribe of insufferable shitheads?”

Roxy grins lopsidedly. “Um, shithead numero Dave has been working on, like, a HUGE surprise for you, uh-DUH.”

Karkat feels the tip of his ears turn red, so he starts pushing down his hair to hide it before someone sees and— oh, wait. No one’s going to care about the unnatural color here. Hell, they all have the same kind! Karkat lowers his hands reluctantly. 

“Something for me? You’re yanking on my goddamn tail.”

“Nope!” Roxy pops the p, leaning on the rock wall of the fountain and getting very into Karkat’s personal space. “Do you wanna SEE?”

Karkat draws his lips up into a snarl. “Frankly, I don’t trust you as far as I could throw you, and I think going with you anywhere would be a very bad idea. But sure, I’ll humor your surprise that definitely won’t become a huge clusterfuck.”

Roxy and Rose look delighted. Well, Roxy does, Rose looks slightly less like she’s going to stab him.

Roxy kicks her leg into something on the floor, and Karkat sees it slide into view.

“The Cool-Air?!” He hisses. He’s gonna have to JUMP. Because there’s no way he’s letting Roxy carry him.

“Cooler, and yes,” Rose stands up and brushes off her skirt, offering a hand to Karkat. “You can use us to jump if you so please.”

Karkat glares at the outstretched hands for a full thirty seconds before he agrees, but he bitches the whole time because he’s got a reputation to uphold goddamnit. At least they aren’t carrying him.

When Karkat is safely in the cooler he tastes the water carefully. It doesn’t have that weird sour taste the pool-water did, so it’s probably okay. With this information he relaxes just a little, and continues to shout at the two girls as they push him down the hallway even as his throat protests in pain.

His sides still sting from whatever happened in that square water, so he prods at them with his hands occasionally. They’re slightly pale. Karkat never thought he’d miss the bright red of his mutant colors. Some areas where the Jane girl applied weird paste are a little bit darker, which brings the merman some comfort.

They push down the hallway in relative silence, save for Karkat occasionally complaining about something (until Rose says “I bet you wouldn’t complain this much if Dave were driving,” which shuts him right the fuck up). When they finally get to their destination after literally ages, Karkat sighs with relief, and Rose holds open the large door as Roxy shoves him in.

Karkat blinks a little at the harsh lighting in the room, covering his eyes, but a second later someone dims the lights and he can see again.

It’s... another one of those square bodies of water.

Karkat stares at it, feeling some anxiety well up in his chest as he remembers the sting and the panic and blacking out from last time.

When he finally looks up, he realizes that all four Strilondes are staring at him, waiting for him to say something.

“What the hell am I supposed to say?” Karkat growls, and then coughs. Dave winces and takes a single step closer. Karkat purposefully doesn’t meet his eyes. 

He’s been avoiding him all day. That’s rude.

“I, uh...” Dave rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Rose and Dirk watch him with matching expressions of concealed concern. Roxy is watching Karkat, something expectant in her fushia eyes. Why is she expecting anything of him? Rude.

“I made you a saltwater pool. I mean, Dirk helped. Actually Dirk did a lot of it. But, it was my idea, and I did do a lot of work too. Like I’m sweating,” Dave rambles, not facing the merman head on, “I’m practically sweating buckets from how hard I worked out setting up this damn saltwater pool for your fish ass. Do you even have an ass, technically, or is it all tail? These are the real questions that keep me up at night. Not— not that I lie awake thinking about your ass. Because that would be weird. And kinda, like, woah I’m flattered Karkat but I don’t really swing that way, yaknow? It’s all for ironies. And stuff.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Karkat groans, and Dave’s mouth snaps shut. He adjusts his sunglasses again, and wow, he must be nervous. Karkat bares his teeth at Dave (and Dirk who’s giving him sort of a dark look), grabbing the edge of the cooler and pulling himself up to lean over the edge. He’s close enough to the stupid pool that he can reach down with his hand and scoop some water out, bringing it up to his face to lick it thoughtfully. Dave freezes at this, and Rose grins. Why is she so creepy. She needs to cut that out.

Karkat thinks on the taste for a second and nods. “So it’s like, ocean water and not, you know, poison?”

“Y-Yeah, that’s the basic, uh, idea,” Dave agrees, adjusting his shades _again_. “You’re good at grasping ideas. Like, grabbing at straws except you never get the short end of the stick, you only get, like, the longest ones, because you’re good at grabbing, and I’m gonna stop talking now.” 

Rose looks absolutely delighted by all this. Dirk looks like he wants to die (which honestly is nothing new).

“Well,” The oldest Strider interrupts for everyone’s own good, “Karkat, If you like the pool, then you can use it. If not, it’s whatever, we’ll take you back to the fountain. Got it?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll just jump into your torture chamber and black out again,” Karkat growls scathingly, and then he jumps in. 

He surfaces in the center of the pool, tasting salt in his mouth and shaking his hair a little so that water goes everywhere. It’s very fun, albeit useless.

Dirk grabs Roxy and Rose by their sleeves and nods at Karkat. “Have fun, fish man,” he says, and then walks out the door with his sisters in tow.

The door creaks shut and silence descends on the room. Karkat crosses his arms over his chest defensively as he stares at the only person left standing.

Dave Strider stares back.

The human walks to the edge of the pool, and then sits down on the side of it with his pale legs in the water. He sighs and runs his hands through the liquid, before sitting up and facing Karkat.

“Dude,” Dave says quietly, “I’m still really sorry. Dunno how many times you’re gonna need me to say that, but I swear on god it was an accident, and I would do literally anything to fix your scales. Well maybe not everything, but most things. A lot of things. A plethora of painful things.”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “I’m not mad about that. You already apologized like eight times, dumbass.”

“Oh,” Dave leans back slightly, surprised. 

“I’m mad because you left me alone afterwards like you suddenly couldn’t stand the sight of me. Is it because there’s other humans here? Did you realize that a merman was a poor and weird choice of company? Did you run back to your _real_ friends?!” Karkat’s sneering, but his mood is dropping rapidly. Dave shakes his head and opens his mouth, but Karkat talks right over him.

“You left me with fucking _Rose_ of all people, Dave!” Karkat splashes with his arms for emphasis. “Why would you wish that upon anyone?!”

There’s a beat of silence.

Dave laughs out loud, and then he doubles over laughing so hard that he loses his balance and falls into the pool.

Karkat watches him scramble with his limbs until his head is above the surface again. Dave stares at Karkat for a full twenty seconds before bursting into laughter once again, sinking into the water and coughing as he got some in his mouth.

“What’s happening right now?” Karkat asks, amused but curious. “Are you drowning?”

Dave coughs a lot as he swallows more water from the pool, and splashes Karkat in retaliation because he’s lacking his voice. Karkat rolls his eyes at the feeble attempt and swims over to grab Dave’s hoodie and easily pull him up so he can breathe.

Dave chokes for a couple more seconds, and then he reaches up to his face to adjust— a pair of sunglasses that aren’t there.

Dave gasps and twists out of Karkat’s grip as he suddenly starts looking around in the water for his glasses, which have been thoroughly vanished. He brings his hands up to his eyes to cover them, groaning audibly.

“Damn it Karkat. I lost my shades. Can’t be seen like this, you can practically taste the un-rad-ness. I’m going to drown. My life is officially over.”

“I can find them if you want, this pool isn’t THAT big,” Karkat offers, but Dave only groans. 

“Nooo, let me die here. I’ve violated my personal code. I am a disgrace unto this earth. Oh, woe is me.”

Karkat sighs. “You’re really stupid.”

Dave removes his hands to glare at the merman, and Karkat’s heart stops beating.

Dave’s eyes are a vivid, deep, gorgeous, bright _red_.

Red like a lobster. 

Red like crabs. 

Red like the empires’ least favorite blood color.

Karkat’s mouth is open and his jaw is working silently for long enough that Dave’s face starts to shade colors of red as well.  
Is he— is that blushing? Holy shit.

Karkat can see the way Dave’s eyes dart to him and then away again, as if he’s nervous or embarrassed or ANYTHING BUT the blank-faced cool kid he pretends to be. He has even more freckles then Karkat realized before. 

Okay. Okay. New idea: Dave never, ever puts his shades back on again.

“Are you gonna stop staring at me because, yikes, feeling a little naked and vulnerable, dude. Not that I’m into that. Get your mind out of the g—“

“No,” Karkat responds before he can think about it, unable to string together an insult to go with it.  
Red. Red. Of course it’s red, no wonder he kept them hidden away all the time.

“What?” Dave asks, confused, and then his eyes look up and slightly left as he thinks back. “No ...you’re not gonna stop staring at me?”

Karkat nods absentmindedly and the red that’s trapped between Dave’s freckles gets darker.

“Oh. Well. Uh. Okay. I’m not complaining, because, haha, at least you’re not freaking out or disgusted, but hey, dude, I keep telling you I’m not gay.”

“What?” Karkat blinks, actually focusing on Dave for the first time in minutes.

“I’m not gay,” Dave repeats, and his nose twitches a little.

Karkat sort of blanks at him, wracking his brain to remember if he’s ever heard one of the humans say this word before. He’s coming up empty.

“What’s that?” Karkat sighs, deciding to resign himself to this nonsense.

Dave opens his mouth and then he closes it. “Gay. Like. You know. Into dudes. Big homo. Limp-wristed. Swings the other way. Plays for the other team. Bent as a nine bob note. Light in the loafers. Queer as a clockwork orange. You know. Homosexual.”

Karkat shakes his head. “I’m just as confused as I was before, if not more. You literally suck ass at explaining things.”

Dave, looking ready to pull his hair out, waves his arms in the air helplessly. “You know! A guy who likes other guys!”

“Oh,” Karkat frowns. “Does that mean there’s a word for guys who don’t like guys or something?”

Dave stares at him. “What?”

“Like, does that mean some men are only attracted to women? Wouldn’t that get kind of boring? That sounds kind of dumb. Your culture is shit.” Karkat shrugs.

Dave is still staring with his gorgeous, ruby red eyes. “Is it ...not the same with merpeople?”

“What? No, why would we bother categorizing something as dumb as that?” Karkat rolls his eyes. “We’ve got enough to worry about when it comes to quadrants, we don’t need to add a whole other system. If you date a girl then you date a girl. You date a guy then you’ve dated a guy. That’s literally it, why would you need to make it into some big deal?”

Dave is still staring at him like he’d just killed his lusus twice. Karkat starts to feel bad.

“Okay, Cool,” Dave says and he turns away. Karkat watches him because Dave is just sitting there literally being beautiful, can you BLAME a guy for looking?! “What’s a quadrant?”

Karkat knew that humans probably didn’t have them, considering how many plays they’d watched without a single mention of a pitch crush. He’s still somewhat disappointed to hear it out of Dave’s mouth.

“I still have no clue how you guys even organize your relationships without quadrants,” Karkat muses angrily. “How do you even know if your crush is pitch or flush? How do you know what to do with someone if you don’t even know which you’re dating them?”

Dave looks very confused, which is kind of great. It’s nice to be the one with confusing culture for once. Maybe Dave will learn something.

“I’ve seen your human romance movies,” Karkat starts, “And from what I can tell you sort of just mix all the quadrants into one clusterfuck of a relationship.”

Dave is watching curiously and actually not talking, so Karkat takes that as a sign to continue.

“Where I come from, we have four distinct relationships. That way you date four different people and can get different needs fulfilled by them.”

Karkat swims over to the edge of the pool and uses some water to draw on the tile. It’s hard to see and it runs together, but Karkat gets his point across.

“There’s four quadrants— obviously. Two of them are for reproduction and two of them aren’t. Similarly, two of them are based on hate while two are based on pity.”

Dave snorts. “Hate and pity. Is that what relationships are built off of?”

“Better then infatuation and random attractions,” Karkat sneers. Dave shakes his head but shuts up.

“Anyway, as I was saying— the pity quadrants.” He draws a heart and a diamond in the water. “When you’ve got a pale crush on someone, it’s Moiraillegience. When you’re flushed red for someone, that’s Matespritship.”

“Those are big words.”

“Not really.” Karkat points at the diamond. “Moirails are for emotional support. They keep you sane, they calm you down, they make sure you don’t make any rash decisions. They listen to your problems and they make you a better merperson. They’re the ones you, like, shoosh-pap and snuggle with.”

“The ones you what?” Dave asks incredulously. Karkat bites his lip.

“Shoosh-pap. You know, for calming?”

“I literally don’t know.”

Karkat’s face is burning. “Please don’t make me demonstrate a romantic action to you.”

“Oh, right-io. Continue.”

Karkat points at the messy heart he drew. “Matesprits are more there for the... you know, red. This is one of the two that deals with reproduction,” Karkat thinks for a second. “I think human romance is most similar to this quadrant.”

Dave nods solemnly. “Red hearts is the romance-romance, got it.”

Karkat shakes his head and draws two more symbols, this time a spade and a club. “Spade— Kismesitude. Your Kismesis is your fated arch-rival. The one you’re destined to fight forever. You force each other to get more powerful, you build each other up through a series of one-ups. Kind of like, uh... the...” Karkat wrinkles up his nose, trying to remember. “The... Bat... human... and his jester.”

“Batman and the Joker?”

“Yes, exactly. Powerful rivals who still want to help each other out by being the biggest inconveniences ever. It’s also the second quadrant for reproduction.”

“Wait,” Dave says, sitting up straighter. “The... Hate quadrant... also... ewww, dude. That’s kinky.”

Karkat sticks his tongue out. “Shut up.”

He points to the club. “The last one is the most confusing and dumb one, you don’t really need to focus on it. Basically Austipices are supposed to keep mers from becoming Kismesis if they start getting out of control with their hate. Like a double Moirail, only you’re annoyed instead of caring.”

Karkat folds his arms. “See? It’s not that complicated.”

Dave reaches a hand up to rub his forehead, then starts counting on his fingers. “Okay, so we got... romance... platonic soul-buds... horny enemies... and a third wheel slash cockblock. You’re right, that was easy.”

Karkat growls. “It’s ALL romance, idiot. One of them is just most similar to YOUR dumb idea of what romance is.”

“Yeah, same thing,” Dave says, and they fade back into arguing.

Karkat eventually dives underwater to retrieve Dave’s shades, which had been swished to the far end of the pool. Dave takes them back gratefully and they slip into their normal routine of arguing and jokes.

Dave mentions a rom-com (that’s what some of the plays are called) that he thinks Karkat will like, and Karkat makes him swear they’ll watch it tomorrow.

When Dave leaves they both stare at each other awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally the Strider coughs out a “see you tomorrow”, and Karkat returns the sentiment.

He’ll see him tomorrow.

—————

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timeasTestified [TT] at 10:56 PM

TG: hey dude

TG: sup

TT: Believe it or not, complicated mathematical formulas. 

TG: yikes 

TT: Yeah, it sucks ass.

TT: I’m really caught up in it at the moment so can you make whatever this is quick?

TG: that’s what she said

TT: Ah, the student has become the teacher.

TT: But seriously I really don’t have time tonight. Can this wait?

TG: uh

TG: idk it’s probably not important 

TG: something happened and i just 

TG: i think i messed up

TT: Do you need me to bring something to eat?

TG: no im kinda nauseous and i don’t feel hungry

TT: Fuck.

TT: I’ll be right over.

timeasTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:59 PM


	19. Dave: Feel Sick To Your Stomach

Dave rolls over in bed, lying on his back and letting his arms drape over his head. His shades are folded and placed on the side table, a small puddle underneath from where they’d dripped off.

He sighs and tries to relax, focusing on the clenching pain under his ribs. This sometimes happens when he thinks too hard about Bro or him and Dirk’s life before they moved in with the Lalondes. It’s... annoying at best, and handicapping at worst.

There’s three knocks on the door, and then there’s the sound of a hand brushing the door handle gently. It’s the same exact knock that Dirk has been using for fifteen years.

“You waiting for an invitation?” Dave jokes, sitting up and wrapping his arms around his knees in a hug. The door opens and Dirk walks in, looking surprised to see Dave without shades. 

Dave has always been the most self conscious Strilonde about his eyes. It’s reasonable: Dirk’s eyes can almost pass for a normal brown/amber, and the girls’ eyes at least are pretty.

Dave’s eyes are a bright, demonic red. And they always have been. And they’ve always been sensitive to light, too; simply the curse of being born with an unnecessary pigment deficiency.

It’s hard. 

Dirk sits on the opposite side of the bed as Dave, pressing their backs together. Dave almost immediately feels the tension in his shoulders relax. It always feels better to have Dirk at his back— to know someone’s watching out for him.

They sit like that in silence for a few minutes. Dave is struck with the sudden urge to check the door. He nearly smiles when he sees Dirk locked it. Dirk remembers what dumb little things Dave needs to feel safe, somehow.

“So do you want to talk about it?” Dirk asks into the stillness. He leans his head back, and he’s tall enough that he can rest it on top of Daves’ easily.

Dave sighs. “Kinda. I... I don’t know, Dirk. I think I’m doing something wrong.” 

Dirk’s presence is more comforting then he realized. Dave’s reminded of the countless nights they would sit like this, back to back, keeping watch for any sign of swords or puppets.

Dirk hums thoughtfully. “Can you elaborate? Maybe I can tell you if you are.”

“You have the moral compass of a sailor at the North Pole,” Dave snorts.

“Fair enough.”

Dave thinks over what to say and how to say it for a long, long time. He thinks so long that Dirk, notorious for hardly moving, shifts his position. 

Dave isn’t sure what he’s even thinking, let alone what to say on the matter. Eventually, his mouth opens up and vomits the only thing he could think to say without checking his brain first.

“Did you know Rose is a lesbian?” Dave blurts, and then immediately regrets it. 

Dirk takes it in thoughtfully, like he takes everything.

“Yes. I feel like anyone who ever got to know Rose even a little bit would know that. No offense. Why?”

Dave huffs and thumps Dirk’s back. “Because, like, she told me. And I dunno, I guess I’m a tiny bit weirded out. And I KNOW I shouldn’t be, I just... am.”

“Have you considered that you’re only holding onto something we learned from... our previous home life?” Dirk points out gently.

“Yeah,” Dave bitterly replies, “I’m _positive_ I am. And yet I’m still being dumb about it. Like... can you get gay by hanging around gay people’s influence? Also, is it genetic? I don’t know!”

Dirk’s ribs shake a little and Dave realizes he’s trying not to laugh. “It’s not a contagious disease, Dave.”

“Oh, shit— that’s not— you know that’s not—“

“I’m well aware that you stuck your foot in your mouth, yes. As for being genetic... that’s being researched, I think. Why do you care?”

Dave rubs his eyes with his palms. “Because I... I guess I’m worried that...”

“That you’re gay,” Dirk supplies, and it’s torture that Dave can’t see his face. Striders have naturally monotone voices, it’s hard to tell if Dirk’s pissed or pleased.

“Sure. Yeah.”

Dirk sighs, long and low. And then he lets the silence sink in for a moment before he talks. 

“Would that be a bad thing?”

Dave blinks. “Being gay? Uh, I mean, I guess not really. But it also kind of would be. Because I don’t need the extra attention. Or the anxiety from it. Also, I’m not gay.”

Dirk shifts. “Anxiety?”

“When I think about it too much I just feel kinda sick,” Dave shrugs helplessly. “Like—“

“Under your ribs and behind your heart?”

“Yeah.”

“Dave,” Dirk turns so Dave can just barely see his orange eyes. “That is one-hundred-percent a conditioned response.”

Dave rolls his eyes. “So what, you want me to just keep thinking about it until it goes away?!”

“Well, think of it this way,” Dirk turns all the way around to face Dave and Dave copies him. They’re both sitting cross legged on the bedsheets. “When we talked about gay people back when you were ten, how did you feel?”

Dave thinks about it. “Terrified and like I was gonna puke.”

Dirk nods. “That’s when we lived with Bro. Now think about when we found out about Mom’s girlfriend when you were fourteen. How did you feel?”

“Huh,” Dave remembers back to that harrowing day carefully. “Kinda awkward, and embarrassed that I even felt awkward.”

“You were already trying to correct your Bro-induced thoughts,” Dirk points out. “Now, tell me how you feel right now.”

Dave thinks and thinks for all he’s worth and tries to do some magical self-reflection, but nothing amazing comes to mind. He decides to keep it simple.

“Scared that I might be in trouble, but the rest of my brain is kicking my ass about still thinking I’d get in trouble for this.”

Dirk’s mouth quirks up at the edges— a big smile coming from him. “See? There’s only a little bit of that anxiety left. Basically none. You can push through it.”

Dave sinks down slightly in relief, the tension leaving his frame. “Oh.”

“Oh indeed,” Dirk agrees, and then he stands up and cracks every single bone in his back.

“You disgust me, you cretin,” Dave says even though he does the same thing all the time. Dirk gives him a deserved noogie.

Dirk walks over to the door and unlocks it, slipping into the hallway so he can get back to whatever god-defying project he’s currently working on.

“Oh, and Dave?” Dirk says, leaning back into the room for a second. A rare grin crosses his face. “It’s probably way more likely you’ve caught the gay gene from me then from Rose.”

And then the door shuts.

Dave is left staring at it with his mouth open and his eyes screwed up into a totally scandalized expression.

“Are you shitting me?!”

—————

timeasTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 11:30 PM

TT: It happened.

TG: hahahahahahhaaaaaaaa omg

TG: omggggg dirky you owe me sooo much

TT: Okay, yes, you were right. 

TT: Any chance you’ll accept bragging rights as a prize?

TG: nope!!!

TG: a bet is a bet babey

TG: fukin pay up

TT: Fine.

TG: youre smiling ;) ;) ;)

TT: I am.

TG: so how is he?

TT: Unstable. 

TT: He’s still struggling with things from our... previous home life.

TG: :(

TT: But if I had to hazard a guess, 

TT: I think that his obvious crush is forcing him to push away the small amount of misgivings he still had.

TG: u sure??

TG: i mean he avoided poor kitkat liek allllll day 

TT: He’s only avoiding Karkat because being around him enhances the “issue”.

TT: His resolve is already broken, though. It’s just a matter of waiting until he has the courage to try something out with the merman.

TG: do i smell

TG: A SHIPPING PLAN :D !!!!!

TT: Roxy no

TG: ROXY YESSSSSS

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timeasTestified [TT] at 11:40 PM

TT: Oh fuck.

———————

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened memo “ITS SHIPPIN GRID TIEM EVRYBODYYYY” right now at 11:41 PM

TG: guysssss its ship time!!!!

timeasTestified [TT] responded to memo

TT: Roxy. No.

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo

TT: Oh, dear. This isn’t what I think it is, is it sister dearest?

TG: it is indeedy rosie posie!!!

gustyGumshoe [GG] responded to memo

GG: I’m confused. What’s happening here roxy?

TG: um it’s shipping time durr jane durrrrrrrrr

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: what’s ‘shipping time’? 

TT: You added John to this memo?

TG: yeha why not??? :3

TT: I’m not sure how he’ll even participate, considering he doesn’t know Dave and he hasn’t even heard about Karkat.

EB: wait what?

TG: uhm idk i guess i thought itd be fun?? sorry john :(

EB: that’s okay, i’m just very confused.

TG: also who said the ship was dave n karkat???

EB: who’s karkat?

TT: There’s literally no one else on this boat who is the same age and not related who would work.

TG: fair nuff

EB: like a car and a cat?

TT: Dave won’t appreciate any of you shoehorning in.

TG: oh u mean like youve been doin all nite???

TT: That’s entirely different.

EB: like “beep beep”... “meow”?

GG: John hush! The grownups are talking.

EB: um rose is the same age as me?

TT: He’s right. We’re hardly a year apart.

TG: well were just gonna give the two boys a push in the right direction! thats all!

GG: Will Dave like that?

TT: Most likely not. Interfering with his personal business causes him to close off.

TG: shuddup dirk!! uve only known dave 4 like, his whole life

TT: Do I even need to point out the obvious flaw in what you just said.

TT: Perhaps it would be wise to ask Dave’s opinion on the matter?

TT: No.

TG: NO!!!

GG: Probably not.

EB: what is going on???

GG: We’re shipping Karkat and Dave together, I believe.

EB: like a romance thing?

TG: EXACTLY liek a romance ting!!!

EB: okay well who’s karkat, and is she nice?

TG: karkats very nice in his own cranky way and he DEFO needs some help gettin together with davey 

TT: You should’ve seen their hug earlier, Roxy. I have never seen Karkat’s face that red.

TG: okay but dirk made dave put a shirt on befo he came outside yesterday so does that mean he was hangin out w karkitty SHIRTLESS??

GG: Oh my.

EB: haha “karkitty”!

TG: imagien how red his face wuz then bruh 

TG: *imagine

TT: Definitely very red.

EB: wait is karkat here? on the ship?

EB: the boat-ship, not roxy’s love ship.

TT: Yes, he’s here. Probably in the new pool room if you want to visit him.

GG: I’m sure he’d appreciate you meeting him, he’s very lonely.

EB: why doesn’t he just leave the pool room then?

TT:

TG:

GG:

TT: Karkat can’t leave the pool. He’s a merman.

GG: We know it sounds silly but it really is true, John.

EB: I dunno jane.

EB: you’re kind of the prank master.

GG: Thank you, but this isn’t a prank.

TT: There really is a merman on this boat. His name is Karkat. We’ve been letting him stay here.

EB: no offense guys but this sounds like bullshit :/

GG: John! Watch your language!

TT: Yeah John, watch your fucking language.

TG: anyway yall got any good ship ideas??

TT: We could lock them in a room?

TT: That’s really cliche.

TG: hmmm

GG: I could make Dave do the medicine application on Karkat next time he needs it?

TT: That’s... actually a really good idea.

TT: Sounds kinda steamy though.

EB: wait a minute

EB: dave’s gay?

TT: No. He’s definitely “not gay”.

TG: lmaooooooo

TT: Does it matter?

EB: not really i just didn’t know!

TT: Not everybody’s straight, John.

TT: Your heteronormativity is muddying our society, John.

TG: youre gonna make a buncha lil kids grow up with an unhealthy mindset, john 

EB: ?????

TT: It’s chill, dude. We’re just fucking with you.

EB: oh.

TT: Anyway, Dave’s “not” gay, although we’re trying to get him to at least accept the prospect of being partially there.

TG: maybe you should explain to him abt different identites so hell feel more comfy with himself?

TG: *identities

TT: That’s a good idea but he still should get over the word “gay”.

EB: i’m a little confused about what’s going on but will anyone mind if i go meet karkat?

TG: absolutely not! betcha he wants 2 meet u too

TT: Knock yourself out, dude. We’re just gonna be planning our diabolical teenage pairing.

EB: ...okay i guess?

ectoBiologist [EB] left memo at 12:10 PM

TG: so 

TG: janey

TG: whatchu gon say to make dave romantically lather a fish 

GG: >:B

————

“And THAT’S why Tank and Alexis were CLEARLY better off as kismesis, you inferior shit-stain!” Karkat finishes loudly, splashing water and nearly ruining the laptop in the process.

Dave, thoroughly resigned to these shenanigans, sighs deeply and pushes the laptop a little further away as the credits of _‘My Best Friend’s Girl’_ innocently continue.

“Listen, Karkles—“

“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME KARKLES—“

“— I get what you’re saying and all, but the whole reason they broke up was because the relationship wasn’t working for her when she hated him that much.” Dave rests his hand on his chin tiredly, eyeing the rock wall that Karkat is leaning over. 

“Yes but that would make such a good blackrom!” Karkat explains in a nearly excited voice. “In a mer play, they’d stay together the whole time, but they’d probably flip between red and black.”

Dave frowns slightly. “That can happen?”

“Vacillation is a real thing, Dave.”

Dave nods sleepily. It’s past midnight, and while that normally wouldn’t be a problem, he’s had a stressful two days.

“Um, hello?” Says someone behind him and Dave jolts three feet.

He rolls over, one hand holding his shades to his face, as he stares at the person standing in the doorway.

John Egbert adjusts his footing awkwardly. Karkat gasps and dives back into the water, despite the fact that John almost certainly saw him.

“Uh, I wanted to meet Karkat?” John asks nervously. “It’s okay if he’s not feeling up to it. Or if he’s shy, I guess. I don’t know him that well, hah.”

Dave stares blankly because he is too tired to comprehend this horseshit, thank you very much.

Eventually, Dave realizes that maybe Karkat was supposed to be kept a secret. 

And that maybe John shouldn’t be here.

“Uh, who said there was a Karkat here?” Dave asks, trusting his monotone voice and cooldude facade to hold and not give anything away.

“Rose. And Dirk. And Roxy and Jane.” John scratched his neck and frowns. “Were they playing a prank on me? I thought so.”

Well if Dirk gave permission. Dave shakes his head. “Nah dude, this shit’s real as kraft mayo. He’s just our cruises’ best kept secret.”

Predictably, a head of dark hair pokes up above the rock wall as Karkat’s bright yellow eyes scope out the new human.

John stares back with barely contained shock, and then he eventually walks over so that he can see into the fountain.

“Wow! So he just lives in here? What does he eat? Does he talk? Does he really breathe water? Is there a reason he’s bright red on the bottom but gray on top?” While he’s talking, John waves to Karkat. Karkat glares back.

“Stop talking like I’m not even here! Rude asshole.”

John blinks in surprise. “Ha, sorry! So you do talk!” John sticks out his hand for a shake. “Nice to meet you, Karkat!”

Karkat snarls and snaps at John’s hand, so John quickly pulls away. 

“Wow, feisty! And he talks like a sailor. Although I guess that makes sense.” John smiles. Karkat doesn’t smile back.

They awkwardly stand like that for a few seconds, John pushing his square nerd glasses back on his nose and Karkat simply glowering.

“What’s your favorite—“

“IF YOU SAY COLOR I’M GOING TO SNAP YOU NECK AND DISMEMBER YOU BEFORE I FEED YOU TO THE SHARKS.”

John raises his hands in a pacifying motion. “I was gonna say movie, Jesus!”

“Oh. Hm.” Karkat puts a webbed hand to his chin and lowers his eyebrows. “Maybe ‘Fifty First Dates’.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised,” Dave sighs and drops his head into his arms. Karkat is literally a rom-com buff. It’s adorable, if not for the fact that he’s intent on actually defending every terrible movie he likes.

John tilts his head. “But that’s a terrible movie.”

Karkat screeches.

Dave pretends that he isn’t friends with the biggest living personification of caps-lock alive. He covers his ears and continues to lay face planted into the hard tile floor for the rest of this conversation.

Karkat’s volume levels eventually go from ear splitting back to merely deafening, and he and John have a few conversations going. It seems John isn’t put off by Karkat’s tantrums, and in fact finds them mildly entertaining.

Dave’s spacing out for almost the whole interaction and only springs back when he hears his name.

“Wouldn’t that be a good idea, Dave?” John is asking cheerfully. Karkat’s doing that thing where he chews on his dark lips and it’s kind of really hot.

Woah wait, what the hell?

Dave stops his train of thought immediately. “What would be?”

John grins. “Yeah, I thought you weren’t down on earth with us! Karkat wants to throw a pool party.”

Dave raises an eyebrow in surprise and looks at the merman. “You do?” Karkat honestly doesn’t really seem like the type.

He shrugs. “John described it to me and it sounds okay. Plus, it’s gotten boring as fuck around here. The most interesting thing to happen as of late was my near-death experience.”

Dave winces with guilt for probably the fiftieth time, and elects to ignore that jab.

“Okay cool. Roxy’s gonna go wild when she hears about this, pool parties are like a favorite of hers or something.” Dave massages his temples gently, tempted to remove his shades to help the headache. But John’s never seen his eyes, and Dave doesn’t know him that well.

Karkat has seen his eyes. But to be honest he acted... super weird about it. He wouldn’t stop staring. Dave still wasn’t sure whether he felt uncomfortable or elated by that.

“Does anyone know what time it is?” He sighs, thinking maybe the old ‘turn it off then back on again’ trick would work. Maybe it is really just Strider Sleep O’Clock.

“Uh, almost two A.M..” John responds sheepishly. “Sorry for keeping you up.”

“No no no, all good,” Dave waves him off. “I’ve had way worse. Just tired today.”

John nods and stands up, saying his goodbyes to Karkat and then scampering off to whatever room he’d claimed.

Dave turns back to face the merman, waving goodbye. Karkat rolls over in the water, showing off his tail. He only does that if he’s extremely contended. 

Dave smiles and wishes that he had his camera with so he could take a picture. Karkat’s arms were folded under his head as he lay on his back, showing off the red grubscars directly below his ammpit. His tail swishes lightly and Dave starts thinking about wow, what a shame it really was that he doesn’t have his camera. Karkat’s just so... pretty? Is that right? Stunning and impossible and magical and pretty.

Hmm, something is wrong with Dave’s head.

Maybe he really does need sleep.


	20. Karkat: Throw Your First Pool Party

Karkat Vantas is only mildly pissed off, which is saying something.

You could nearly almost say he was even in a good mood, from how much he was usually pissed off.

The pool party seems to be a great success. Roxy had actually helped with most of it, because apparently she’s “the absolute bestest at all thangs par-tay”. 

Believe it or not, Karkat thinks maybe this pool party thing isn’t even the worst event he’s ever been too. Jane definitely delivered when it came to food, and there’s all sorts of “barr-bee-kyew” (salmon included). There’s also a lot of what Dave calls “chips”. The Striders seem to eat esclusively from these bowls.

Dave wanders up to the food table every ten minutes to refill his plate with the golden delicacy, and every ten minutes Jane tells him to “make healthier choices”. Karkat thinks that Dave is ignoring her on purpose.

The craziest part of this event, by far, is the fact that apparently all humans have to have a separate “swimming attire” for their party.

This meant that Rose, Roxy, and Jane all wore “swim-suits” of different kinds. Dirk, Dave, and John just removed their shirts. 

Karkat didn’t understand why they even needed to wear clothes in the water. He’d mentioned this to John, and the boy had sort of awkwardly explained that there were parts of the body that they didn’t need on display. Plus, they got cold very easily.

It was obviously a cultural difference. Karkat thinks that this cultural difference is especially stupid, but he’s glad for it in some ways.

It means that, normally, he doesn’t have to see Dave’s abs at all times.

Dave grins and shoots Karkat a thumbs up from the food table. Karkat grumbles and waves as a reply. He’s having a really hard time meeting Dave’s eyes, not just because of the shades, but because of the fact that his unfairly toned body is on display for everyone to see.

Karkat’s poor ears have been burning red since this party began, and every time he thinks his face is cooled he looks at Dave and the whole thing starts again.

These are torturous conditions. Nobody should be expected to hold a conversation in front of Dave Has-Literal-Abs Strider.

Roxy runs across the room, her arms thrown out as some sort of balance mechanism for her odd support stumps. Legs. She skids to a stop just in front of Karkat, and beams at him with her flat teeth. It’s easy to forget that humans have flat teeth— Dave doesn’t smile with his teeth very often.

Her “swim-suit” is made of two pieces that leave her torso unprotected (that must not be one of the Taboo Areas) that are absolutely COVERED in pink sequins. She looks like she’s trying to mimic the Condense. Karkat is trying to get used to this kind of fuckery.

“Karkat!” Roxy giggles, “isn’t this FUN? Aren’tcha having fun!?”

Karkat growls warningly at her. “Not right this second.”

“Oh, lighten up. I’m just talking to my future brother-in-law, where’s the harm in that?”

Roxy looks undeniably smug. Karkat is undeniably confused.

“What’s a brother in law?” He asks, and Roxy’s face falls when she realizes her joke didn’t land.

“Nevermind. Was the salmon good? Janey’s sucha good cook.” Roxy beams.

Karkat can’t resist her sparkling eyes, and he shrugs. “It... wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever eaten, somehow.”

“Aha! Knew you’d like it!” Roxy cheers with a fist pump. At that moment, Dave comes back from the table with a plate piled full of chips and he grins at Roxy. 

“Howsa going, RoLal? Ogling my best bro over here for a reason?”

Roxy shoves his shoulder and Dave comes dangerously close to dropping his plate in the pool.

“I’m just TALKIN’ stop being so jealous!”

“Jealous? Hell naw. Striders ain’t got green eyes. We don’t have anything even near that on the color wheel. Warmer colors here. Lower blood caste, amirite Karks?”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure, if you wanted put it in the stupidest way possible, then congratulations! Give him a fucking prize.”

“Hear that, Rox? A _prize_ ,” Dave whispers loudly, leaning towards his sister. Roxy nods conspiratorially.

“ROXYYY!” Comes a yell from the other side of the room. John is currently drowning, apparently.

Mostly because Dirk is drowning him.

“Dirk, leave tha poor kid alone!” Roxy crosses her arms with an unimpressed look. Dirk meets her gaze through his shades and stares her down while continuing to hold John in an iron grip.

“He said he could hold his breath for twenty seconds. And I said: bet.”

Roxy continues to be unfazed. Eventually Dirk sighs and lets John go. The younger boy scrambled ungraciously across the pool over by Jane and Rose, who are both trying not to laugh.

“It’s not funny,” John grumbles, but it really is, Karkat thinks. Humans can’t navigate water for the life of them.

Dave has a cheesy grin on his face that looks too genuine to be purposeful. He must be spacing out again.

Karkat waves his hand in front of Dave’s freckled face, and he snaps out of it.

“Oh, sorry dude. You want some chips?”

Karkat shakes his head. “I’m good on those things, thanks.”

A grave look crosses Dave’s face. “Kark-man. If you don’t eat these chips. I will rap about it.”

“No no no!” Karkat exclaims, wrenching the plate out of Dave’s hands. “I’ll eat the chips, fine, whatever!”

Dave laughs and Karkat suddenly really wants to slap him, like, a lot.

The merman eats the golden confectionary (which is pretty salty?) and watches Dave chat it up with the other humans. 

Why is Dave being so... annoying. And so awful. Today specifically.

“By the way, what the hell is a brother in law?”

Dave’s chin jerks towards Karkat and his eyebrows lower. “Who... said that?”

“Roxy did,” Karkat admits with a shrug. All the humans say baseless bullshit all the time, it’s normal for him to inquire to Dave about it.

Dave’s jaw clenches and he starts honest-to-god glaring in Roxy’s direction. 

“It doesn’t mean anything important.”

Karkat takes that to mean it was either insulting, embarrassing, or both, and drops the topic after a FEW more jabs at Dave. It’s just so easy and yet hard to mess with him. Like, OBVIOUSLY some of these insults are hitting, it’s just hard to tell which ones.

Dave ends up rapping anyway, which is annoying as hell. At least he’s not rapping about the chips?

Dave often does this thing where he starts muttering lyrics under his breath, about whatever he’s doing. It gets under Karkat’s skin pretty easily, but hey, it’s preferable to silence.

Almost anything is preferable to silence.

“Why do you wear those things all the time?” Karkat snaps in the middle of a debate about a human celebrity.

Dave turns to face him. His legs are dangling in the pool, while he sits on the edge. Why doesn’t he just get all the way in? Idiot.

“Because he’s a cool dude!” John offers helpfully from where he’s been sitting with Rose outside the pool. She’s pulled out a strange little rock full of paint and is applying it to his hands while he sits patiently. She is also taking care not to get any of the black substance on her purple one-piece swimsuit.

“You heard Eg-derp,” Dave agrees, lifting a hand up to adjust his shades. “I’m too cool for school.”

That is the most preposterous thing he’s ever heard. Must Dave be so pretentious? MUST he be so annoying?

Karkat rolls his eyes. “That doesn’t make any sense. You _can_ take them off, I’ve seen you do it.”

Dirk and Rose assume matching expressions of curios surprise. Suddenly everyone is looking at Dave like he did something wrong. Karkat almost wants to take it back, but then he realizes that Dave deserve to get in trouble.

Meanwhile Dave himself is growing less and less comfortable.

“Way to assume I have the ability to remove them. What if it’s a magic spell that curse me to be eternally cool? And I can only stop being cool once a moon, or else I would die.”

“If that were true, you’d’ve been dead ages ago,” Karkat points out stuffily. Roxy snorts in amusement and John tries to hide his laughter.

“Well, maybe I don’t wanna talk about it right now. Ever think of that, merboy?”

Karkat frowns a little, because he thought they’d made a sort of unspoken agreement not to refer to each other as ‘human’ or ‘merboy’. Or maybe they had, but Dave is just upset.

Proving this theory further, Dave turns back to John and intensely starts arguing about human sports. Because Karkat really has no idea what’s going on there, he decides to leave them to their weird conversation and swim laps around the pool.

When he almost bumps into Dirk doing a handstand, he backs up and makes an angry clicking noise.

Dirk chuckles and surfaces so say; “Careful there.”

“YOU be careful, what the fuck are you doing, sticking your feet in the air? Don’t humans breathe air?!”

Dirk shrugs. Roxy walks over from the snack table and assaults everyone’s eyes with her extreme sparkles.

“Dirk, are you forcing children to look at your feet again? Shame on you!” She says, shoving Dirk’s mess of blonde hair (surprisingly long now that it’s not gelled up). She gracefully slips into the pool, doing that ridiculous human thing where she flails her arms around to try and stay afloat.

“Wow. People love my feet,” Dirk responds, sticking his leg into the air to try and kick Roxy’s face. “Now I’m gonna send you a picture of my foot every day for the rest of my life.”

“Noooooooo, spare me!”

“It’s too late. You should’ve thought of this earlier.”

“NOOO!”

Karkat stifles a laugh and instead fixes the older Strider with a deadly glare. Dirk stops his foot-based assault to turn to Karkat with a look bordering on apologetic.

“Sorry Dave’s being an ass. He’s sensitive about his eyes, for some reason.”

“Sensitive? Why?” Karkat barks, and the two people make shushing gestures as they glance at the other humans across the water. Eventually they lean closer to continue.

“Red’s not a human eye color,” Dirk explains. “Dave is a genetic mutation.”

Karkat stares at the pointy-faced man for a second, completely slack-jawed. 

“You mean the WHOLE TIME I was opening up to him about my traumatic experience as a mutant, he was ALSO a mutant and he DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING?!”

Roxy shrugs. Dirk grimaces. “Didn’t know about any of that at all, but, yeah?”

Karkat snarls. “What a BASTARD!”

“Who are we talking about?” Rose asks, having floated slowly closer as the conversation went on. Karkat swings around to face her.

“Wow, eavesdrop much?” Karkat snaps.

Rose shrugs. “I’m simply curious about the object of your intensive hatred.”

Karkat’s face flares bright red. “Hatred?!”

Rose stares at him evenly, raising a single brow. The visual version of ‘Did I Fucking Stutter?’.

Karkat lets out a strangled cry and buries his face in his webbed hands. “It’s not like that, I swear. I don’t hate him.”

He doesn’t hate Dave.

...Right?

The aggravating way he does everything, the douchey shades and the asshole attitude, the monotone voice as he rambles on about dumb shit. His beautiful appearance. His red eyes that he fucking hid.

Maybe Karkat... does hate him. Just a little.

There’s a swell of _something_ in Karkat’s chest, an immediate fear that comes with recognizing a crush.

He can’t have a crush. He just can’t. 

Karkat can’t do this shit anymore. He’s a mutant, and he’s never been able to do quadrants right. The Terezi incident... god, he still shudders in embarrassment thinking about it.

They’d been on the verge of getting together for almost a year, but it never worked because Karkat just couldn’t pin his feeling down. He kept flipping between red and black and red— sometimes even pale or ashen. Poor Terezi couldn’t keep up when he was biting and rude to her while simultaneously being soft and kind, sometimes within the same conversation.

Eventually she grew tired of his insanity. Terezi, the craziest mermaid in the ocean, couldn’t stand Karkat’s issues. She fucked off to who-knows-where and, according to what Karkat’s heard from Kanaya, has been happily living with her Moirail since.

Not to mention Karkat’s frankly horrifying huge childhood crush on Sollux. They seemed to have a blackrom thing going for a long time, constantly spatting with each other and arguing over who was the better or worse coder. Arguing over who was the worst merman. Arguing over who was uglier. General stuff like that, only their arguments consisted mainly of a reversed tactic where instead of insulting each other they went down with self-hatred.

If Sollux was pissy about a project of his that didn’t work, Karkat would immediately smack him with all of the ways _he’d_ failed, epic moments of embarrassment Sollux could only dream of suffering.

If Karkat was having a bad day with his self esteem, Sollux would immediately tell him to “get over it”, because Sollux hated Karkat, and Karkat hated Sollux, but those combined were not as much as Sollux hated himself.

It was ridiculousness.

In a bizarre twist of fate, Karkat started going to Sollux with his problems on purpose, knowing the Goldblood would make him feel better. And in that strange way, he flipped between pale and black for Sollux near-constantly.

Long story short, Karkat has a history of being a huge fuckup when it comes to quandrant.

This pitch crush on Dave can spell nothing but trouble.

“As much as I want to think about the social implications of that,” Dirk starts, “I think Jane needs you.”

Karkat picks his head up to look. Sure enough, the plump and dark-haired human is waving him over. She’s got Dave with her as well, who gives a shit-eating grin. Karkat snarls back at him.

Jane smiles as he swims over. “We’ve got to re-apply your medicine, sweetie!” She says, pulling out a container of that solution she created.

Karkat frowns and backs away. “I don’t want your tiny hands anywhere on my body.”

“Oh, don’t worry!” Jane waves disarmingly. “I thought you might say that. So I’m making Dave do it!”

“What?!” Karkat snaps. 

“What.” Dave deadpans at the same time.

They give each other a mutual look of suspicion.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Jane huffs. “The party’s over in about ten minutes, we’ll even all leave so it’ll be less awkward for you.”

“Um,” says Dave, but Jane is already standing up to go over and inform everyone of the situation.

Karkat growls. “Really? Why’d it have to be you? And do you NEED to be so annoying?”

Dave frowns at him. “Wow, KitKat. I’m hurt. I thought we were friends.”

“Dream on, asshole.”

True to her word, within ten awkward minutes the pool room becomes completely empty.

Jane hands Dave the container, explaining how to apply it while the Strider sits and listens with a grimace and his nose scrunched up.

Well, at least Dave is going to suffer just as much as Karkat is.

Jane grins and shoots them a thumbs up as she leaves, as if she didn’t just cause their imminent deaths.

The pool room is silent.

“So,” says Dave.

“So? Get on with it already!” Karkat snaps. He probably shouldn’t be black flirting this hard already, but Karkat’s never been able to pull off subtle.

Dave frowns and sighs as he pops open the container. “Why are you being so pissy? I thought you liked the party.”

Karkat growls softly, laying back so Dave has access to his tail. This is an extreme act of trust, because a merman could kill him when he was this vulnerable.

“Maybe I’m just being rude to you.”

Dave scoops a small amount of the black paste on his finger and plops it onto the lowest bleached area, at the end of Karkat’s tail. The merman flinches at the cold feeling.

“But why? Thought we were getting on pretty great. Like mold on bread or something. Cheese on pizza. Faygo in clowns. Ass on puppets.”

Karkat shrugs and then stiffens as Dave adds the solution to a spot slightly higher. “I’m just annoyed at you today. It’s probably an irrational mood swing I’ll get over quickly.”

“Oh,” Dave says, carefully rubbing in the medication using only his fingertips so his hand isn’t near Karkat’s scales. “Well. Sorry.”

Karkat sighs, feeling his anger die down a little. “It’s whatever.” He finally actually looks up at Dave, who seems to be really focused on applying the stuff right. He’s adding another bit now, higher up near the more sensitive areas of Karkat’s tail. 

The merman flinches a little, deciding to watch Dave instead of staring at his messed up scales. Wait, maybe staring at Dave is a bad idea too. He still isn’t wearing a shirt.

As Dave is reaching back into the little tub to re-coat his fingers, his shoulder moves enough that Karkat can see a thin line stretching across it.

“You’ve got a battle scar,” Karkat realizes our loud, and Dave jumps in surprise. He turns to see the shoulder Karkat’s staring at.

“Yeah. That’s a pretty old one.” Dave says, reaching down to rub the black paste into Karkat’s waist. The merman shudders and tries to ignore it, but Dave is sitting way too close to him at this point. He could probably count out the visible freckles on his face. 

Karkat’s maybe freaking out about this, just a little. His face is heating up faster then a water spring.

Their noses are probably a millimeter apart.

Dave looks up and notices the distance, his face flushes such a dark shade of red his freckles stick out like light stars.  
He quickly leans back, screwing the cap onto the little solution. 

“Well, you’re all nursed to health now,” Dave says, setting the container on the edge of the pool. “Feel any better?”

Karkat shrugs. “Not much changed, honestly. And I’m not sure how this stuff is even staying on in the water?”

Dave nods thoughtfully.

“But. Uh. I am curious what act of complete dumbassery you did to earn a mark like that.”

Dave tenses a little, and then slowly turns around and jerks his thumb at his back. Karkat draws in a sharp breath.

Now that he’s actually looking... Dave’s back is _covered_ in similar scars. Some look older then others, too. This isn’t one act— it was a long period of continuous actions.

Karkat reaches forward to trace one of the largest ones with his fingers. Dave flinches, but doesn’t move away.

Karkat suddenly lets a low rumble build up in his throat. He’s not sure what he’s feeling right this second, but it’s burning and hot and full of pressure. 

“Who. The _fuck._ Did this to you?”

Dave lets his shoulders sag down as he releases the tension in his body somewhat. Karkat continues to feel along the skin. There may be a hundred scars here.

“My. Uh. What did you call it. Lusus? My guardian.”

Karkat gasps. A sense of horror is buildings his chest. “Your own lusus did this? What the actual fuck! Is it at least dead now?!”

Dave shrugs. “I dunno. I don’t care either. I try not to think about him.”

The human turns around, cutting off access to his back. Dave has a weird, closed expression on his face. It reminds Karkat of how he acted back when they first met.

Karkat chews on his bottom lip and Dave quickly looks away.

“What... did he do?”

Dave shrugs again, making himself somewhat smaller. “He. Uh. Wanted to train me and Dirk to be sicknasty ninja bros. So we did a lot of. Sword fighting.”

Karkat flinches.

“And uh. Not a lot of... eating. Or showering? Or laundry. At least Dirk was able to steal a lot of stuff for us. Mostly granola bars, loaves of bread. Apple Juice.”

Karkat... can’t really believe what he’s hearing. The idea that Dave has a misguided lusus who not only failed to feed him, but actively abused him as well?

It’s making Karkat very very angry. It makes him want to hunt down that lusus and make sure it’s dead, after bundling Dave up somewhere comfortable and keeping him safe and warm forever.

Oh, shit. Is Karkat flipping pale again? He can’t go diamond on Dave.

Wait. No, he’s looking at Dave’s face and... yep still definitely wants to kiss him a lot. But maybe in a red way? 

_In a VERY red way,_ Karkat’s brain says. _This really isn’t the time,_ Karkat says to his brain.

Dave sighs heavily. “Anyway sorry to hit you up with the major bad vibes,” he apologizes and throws up both his hands in an odd two-fingered gesture. “Didn’t mean to be a party pooper.”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “The Party was ruined a lot time ago. And...” Karkat decides to take a chance, reaching forward slightly to grab Dave’s shoulder and lightly pull him closer for a small hug. “I’m glad you told me.”

Dave shudders a little and then hugs Karkat back, before retreating quickly. 

“Ready to go?”

“I was ready six hours ago, but yes.”

Dave lifts Karkat up into the cooler near the door, and then wheels him back towards the fountain.

And if Karkat’s insides melt when Dave waves and says goodnight, well, nobody can fucking prove anything.

—————

TG: wait so howd he react tho

TT: Surprised.

TT: But other then that, not terribly. 

TT: He seemed to think I was... how do you say.

TT: American?

TG: ahahahahahaaa rosie comin THRU w the three year old vine references yaasssss

TG: rose b liek “im lesbo” n dave b liek “i thought u was americn???”

TT: Yes, that is word for word how the conversation went. You’re a prophet.

TT: Although, a prophet who only sees into the past? 

TT: Is there a word for that?

TG: idek

TG: does he seem ok tho

TT: I feel he’s on the border of a large mental crisis that will consume much of his energy and give him great anxiety.

TT: Other then that, he’s fine.

TG: wow aight

TG: he finna be big scared now

TT: Yes, finding out 2/3 of your siblings are gay can apparently do that to a person.

TG: more liek 2.5/3

TG: lmfao

TT: Of course.

TG: hope he talks 2 us bout it

TT: Why?

TG: idk i just

TG: im jus FULL of big sister talks and i gotta use em before hes too big for that

TG: yaknow?

TT: I do.

TT: But personally, I don’t think Dave will ever be “too big” to have a talk with his sister.

TG: dawwwwee :’)

TG: thanks rosie

TT: My pleasure.

TT: See you in the morning.

TG: u too!!!!

TG: <3

tipsyGnostalgic ceased pestering tentacleTherapist at 11:37 PM


	21. Dave: Survive Four Different Interrogations

John lounges backward on the couch that Dirk dragged into the foyer. He’s grinning at something Karkat said that was probably not that funny in hindsight but Dave laughed anyway because Karkat looked cute as hell saying it.

Uh. Well. 

No, wait, Dave’s supposed to be getting himself used to those kinds of thoughts. Hell YEAH Karkat is hot!

Wait, he’s supposed to be exposing himself to new things, not. Being as gay as possible.

Whatever. Dave should probably tune in to the conversation now.

“So on a scale of one to twenty how bad was the movie?”

“A FUCKING sixty nine.”

“Aww, but I love Con Air! Are you sure?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure if it was Strider’s disgusting obsession with “Jay-Peg” that ruined the quality of that movie, or if it was just ALREADY that bad!”

John makes a comically sad face as he slumps forward. “Now you’re just being mean.”

“And so what if I am?” Karkat scoffs. “Your movie taste is so bad you deserve it.” He tucks his hands under his chin and flicks his tail (growing steadily less white) over.

“Damn, dude, leave Egbert alone,” Dave interjects. “He didn’t do anything other then have shitty movie taste.”

“Yeah!”

John pulls his phone out as it buzzes and then he looks at it for a minute, scrolling down. His brows furrow and then a mischievous grin crosses his face.

“Who you talkin’ to?” Dave asks nonchalantly.

“Groupchat,” John responds, pocketing his cell. “Uh, Dave, can I ask you something weird?”

“Dude, everything that comes out of your mouth is weird. But for the purpose of your frankly unnecessary and worrying question, yeah, shoot like you’re a boomer in the woods hunting for sport and not even food.”

“Um, okay. Are you and Karkat like a thing?”

Dave suddenly leans away, his back pressing hard into the back of the couch. His eyebrows furrow and he can feel his face hearing up as his eyes invoulantarily flick towards the merman. “What?”

John spins his hand in a circle. “Yaknow, like, a thing.”

“A quadrant?” Karkat snaps. “No, because humans don’t have them.”

“Don’t ask,” Dave says quickly, not wanting to get Karkat started on his favorite subject. The merman glares at Dave a little, his bright yellow eyes glowing .

John shrugs. “I actually meant, like, human dating?”

Karkat blinks. “You mean... smearing several quadrants... together?”

John looks back and forth between Karkat and Dave. “I don’t... know? Maybe? Dave?”

Dave coughs into his hand very subtly and Karkat does the thing where he tugs slightly on his hair and it’s very very cute.

“Uh, what gave you the impression that we were?”

“I dunno. You’ve got a lot of chemistry, I guess.”

Karkat snorts and Dave awkwardly adjusts his sunglasses. John looks at the floor like he’s very sorry he even brought this up.

“We could talk about something else?”

“Please. Yes.”

——

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo “ITS SHIPPIN GRID TIEM EVRYBODYYYY” at 12:30 PM

EB: i don’t think this is going to work.

TG: awwwwww what???? :( :(

TG: dont b a party pooper egderp 

EB: look i just don’t think either of them are comfortable with my pushing and prodding!

TT: Obviously.

TG: thats because ur not bein SUTLE enough

TG: *subtle

EB: i dunno roxy. i think dave would actually be really upset if i started being weird about this!

TG: FIIIIIIIIINEEEEE

TG: leave it 2 me @ dinner tonite

TG: well settle this once and for all ;)

————

“Rox, can you pass the over-oiled and heated to extreme crisping starch, please?”

“One baked potato, comin’ RIGHT up!” Roxy sings, pushing the plate over to Dave. He takes a potato off and begins slicing it on his plate, vaguely wondering if Karkat got enough to eat earlier.

Karkat had been really weird about the food issue, honestly. He’d refused to accept any food from Dave at some points, and then other times he’d eat it but only a little. Dave has tried pushing the issue ever since he discovered Karkat’s weak spot: fish.

So far it was working, but he can’t help but worry. Karkat never seems to eat quite enough. 

Not that he has any business telling Karkat what he can and cannot eat. It’s just, he worries sometimes.

Sometimes it feels like Karkat just isn’t telling him some things about himself. No matter how much Dave prods, he can’t get Karkat to admit the reason he got caught in the first place.

He’d said it was on a dare, but when Dave asked why Karkat went through with it, the merman refused to answer.

That was concerning.

“Hey! Earth to Dave!”

Dave’s head snaps up from his plate and zeroes in on Roxy. “Yeah, Rox? What’s up?”

She rolls her magenta eyes over-dramatically. “Um, you’ve been zoned out for like ten minutes.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Everyone at the table is politely unfazed by Roxy’s loud voice as they all eat and get into causal conversation. Most of it is directed at John, who everyone is itching to get to know.

John seems like a pretty decent kid, if not extremely dorky. He also has horrible taste in movies. But other then that, a very overly nice dude. In fact his niceness is almost embarrassing when you happen to be a famed star of absolute cool dudeness.

John’s great, and Dave has no doubt that they’ll stay in touch after this trip (they exchanged chumhandles earlier this morning— John’s screenname is “ectoBiologist”). But John just... isn’t as funny as Karkat is.

Karkat throws his legendary shitfits at minimum twice a day and his blow-ups are epic. Dave does what he can to rile the merman up, and it seems to simultaneously fluster and anger Karkat, which is a beautiful combination to watch play out.

Karkat is just. Loud. And so expressive. And Dave can’t help it, he just loves that. It’s so different then what he’s used to. (And afraid of).

It doesn’t hurt that Karkat’s very pretty either. Is pretty the right word? Karkat’s skin is so alien and unnatural— a gray color unlike any human Dave’s seen. His pointy teeth and his habit of chewing on his lip is nothing short of adorable. Karkat’s black hair looks like it’s never even heard of a hairbrush. And honestly. It’s better like that.

That’s not even mentioning the tail. Karkat’s ashamed of his tail— but the bright ruby red scales, and the glittery way it reflects light— Dave thinks that it’s. Well, beautiful. In a no homo way of course.

Wait a minute. Yes homo. Dave is definitely getting past all this toxic masculinity.

Is having gay thoughts about your best friend actually a way to get rid of toxic masculinity? Or does that just make you gay?

Nah. Dave’s not gay. He’s liked TONS of girls. 

Problem solved.

“I got a motherload. Cats loving, cats playing, cats eating, cats hissing—“

“For a moment there, I thought you said ‘cats pissing’”

“Oh I got that too! I’ve got a collection.”

Dave tunes into the conversation at possibly the worst time imaginable, looking at Roxy in horror as she swipes through her impressive stash of cat memes. Jane is watching the display in a mixture of fascination and fear. John’s head is lying on the table.

Roxy grins at Dave as she hands her phone off to the first mate, who continues going through the photos on her own. “Dave, I see you’re alive again.”

Dave shrugs. “Yeah, sorry, shuffled off the mortal coil for a second there. Laid in a wooden onesie. Joined the big ones. Took an eternal nap. You know how it be.”

Roxy nods solemnly. “I do. Whatcha thinkin’ bout over there?”

Dave feels his face grow hot, but he isn’t sure why. He wasn’t thinking anything wrong. Just about how hot Karkat is. _Maybe don’t mention that to Roxy, Dave._

Rose is smiling like she knows exactly what Dave is thinking.  
She needs to stop.

“Nothing,” Dave says, because his brain is far gone enough he can’t even think of a comeback.

Dirk, who wasn’t paying attention to the conversation previously, suddenly looks up in concern. It’s not normal for Dave to respond like that. Rose’s smile grows slightly.

“Uh, I mean, basketball.”

Dirk raises a single eyebrow. “Basketball.”

Dave can feel his nose twitching, but he forces a smile. “Yep. Basketball. It turns out, all my problems in life are because I never experienced the epic highs and lows of high school basketball.”

Dirk nods solemnly, picking at the broccoli on his plate with a fork. Roxy looks at him and frowns.

“Eat your veggies, DiStri.”

“Fuck veggies. I want meat. All I’ve got on this plate is potato and broccoli. How is that balanced, I ask you? It’s not.”

Dave leans over towards Roxy with a sly smile. “Dirk’s embarrassed because he’s never had broccoli before.”

Roxy’s mouth opens wide as she gasps, her lipstick looking comically stretched.

Dirk’s eyebrows furrow at Dave. “That’s not true. We had broccoli that one time Roxy steamed it, remember that?”

Dave unfortunately does. A lot of his plate ended up in the garbage that night. Roxy might know how to cook plenty of things that she learned out of necessity, but she is _not_ a chef.

“Anyway, I’m sure Davey is just over there thinkin’ bout his boyfriend.”

Dave chokes on the potato in his mouth.

“B-boyfriend?” He asks, wheezing a little as he tries to dislodge the food in his throat. “I don’t have a boyfriend? If I did I think you’d know, Roxy.”

Roxy nods seriously, pursing her lips. “Right. And I do know.”

“N-no?!”

“A fair rebuttal. But consider this counterpoint: y-yes?!”

Dave pushes his hands up under his shades to cover his eyes as he groans. “What are you _talking_ about?”

Roxy twirls a lock of blonde hair on her finger. “I’m talking about how you guys are so cute together!”

“Roxy, I’m not gay,” Dave tells her plaintively, his face buried.

But this time, when he says it. 

It feels a little wrong.

Roxy places a hand on her chest innocently. “I didn’t say you were.”

Everyone else in the room is awkwardly avoiding Dave’s eyes, which is no help. Rose is watching the whole scene play out with dark fascination. God damn it Rose.

For some reason, Roxy drops it after that, and everyone goes back to talking about normal things. The only person not joining in on the conversation is Dave.

He picks at his food for a bit before excusing himself and quickly absconding from the table. Dave speed-walks down the hall to his room, his arms stiff at his sides until he gets to his door, yanks it open, and collapses on his borrowed bed before the door even closes.

Dave lets out a long breath, pulling the blankets up under his head to squish under his cheeks. Why is he so tense? Why is he... shaking?

_Who’s watching?_

Dave sits up, still with the comforter bunched in his arms and clutched to his chest. Something is wrong.

What’s wrong?

Dave tried to breathe in and out, like Rose says. What’s wrong?

He thinks, letting his mind wander and his gaze drift around the room, trying to ground himself.

No more then five pairs of socks are scattered around on the floor, none of them matching. Dave’s laptop and charging cord is sitting in a pile at the door of his bed.

On the wall are several photos taken from Dave’s camera. Some of them are shoddily taped, others are hastily stuck up with thumb tacks. A lot of them are ironic selfies. Most of them are pictures of scenery.

The forest sweeping down from the Lalonde mansion, the pier on the sunny day of boarding. A few are pictures of the ocean, taken from the deck of this boat.  
The rest are pictures of people. None of them are very good— quickly shot before the subject noticed Dave’s camera— but they each display a moment of happiness.

One photo has an accidental lens flare hiding most of the features, but the outline of Roxy laughing hard with her hand brought up to her face is clear. Another one (very blurry) is of Rose glaring at Dave from across the dinner table, her cheeks puffed inelegantly as she chews her chicken. There’s another above of Dirk too far away to even show up clearly in the photo, but you can make out the fact that he’s dabbing.

One picture is of Jane and Mr. Egbert, and they’re looking at the water as they both lean on the ships’ railing. That one actually came out pretty good, considering they’d been facing away.

A single picture of John is pinned next to that one— he’d noticed Dave was taking it just before the flash and stuck out his tongue, ruining the photo and making it 90% better. 

Every other picture is of Karkat.

All of these are extremely clear, well-focused pictures. Dave even experimented with lighting and water effects, the pictures coming out clearer and better each time. Karkat’s face is mostly disgruntled. Sometimes it’s annoyed. In one of them, he was pursuing his lips in confusion.

Dave’s favorite photo is of Karkat smiling. It’s a little bit blurry, but the contents are clear— the merman’s black lips are pulled up into a rare and soft smile. The water under him is reflecting light into his face and yellow eyes. It’s an amazing picture, probably the best Dave’s ever taken.

Ironically, of course.

Right?

Something stirs in Dave’s mind as he grips his hands tighter into the blanket. It’s ironic. _Right?_

What if.

What.

What if it’s not?

What if it’s _not?_

What would that MEAN?!

That— that Dave likes Karkat in, like, a Romantic Way?

Would that be bad?

No.

No, it wouldn’t. It’d be... normal.

It’d be the first crush he’s gotten in years. And maybe, he’d even be more like his siblings?

No, that’s not a valid reason to suddenly decide to be gay. And it doesn’t even make sense. You can’t be gay because your siblings are. That’s dumb.

Besides, Dave’s not gay. He’s liked girls before.

What was it like when he had a crush on a girl?

Dave tries to remember the last time he had a crush. He’d wanted to, maybe, talk to her more? Maybe, if they got far enough, kiss? He hadn’t thought about it too often. It’d just been so unrealistic.

He tries to imagine kissing Karkat.

Oh.

Hm.

That’s a pretty absolutely amazing idea. Oh my god.

Oh— my god.

Okay, yes, whatever Dave felt for that last girl is multiplied at least twice in his feelings for Karkat. For one thing, him and Karkat actually know each other.

For another, Karkat’s the first non-family person he’s ever told about Bro.

Bro.

Dave’s knuckles go white as he squeezes his comforter. That’s what’s wrong, here. Dave’s going to get in trouble. He’s going to get in so much trouble. He’s doing something wrong. He’s— he’s breaking the rules, and any second now, he’s gonna pay for it.

Who’s watching him?

Someone’s in here, Dave can feel it, there’s eyes in the wall— in his camera? In the vents?!

Where is it?!

Dave’s trying harder and harder to breathe, his eyes going over the wall over and over as he searches for places to hide in the ceiling or walls. Where is he?

Dave can hear it, he can _feel_ the footfalls of someone getting closer. 

He’s going to get busted. They’re going to walk right in here and know exactly what he was doing— he’s going to be in _so much trouble—_

The door swings open and Dave lets out an inhuman squawking sound, slamming backwards against the headboard of his bed. He’s here, fuck, he’s here holy SHIT Dave’s in trouble he’s going to get killed—

“It’s me! Fuck, God, Dave it’s me!”

Dirk throws his hands into the air, watching, as Dave watches him back from where he’s paralyzed on the bed. Dave had tried to jump up and grab a sword off the wall but there was nothing there and he panicked. There’s something tickling all over his face. Oh, wait, that’s water.

“It’s me,” Dirk says, and he strides over to the bed, staying in Dave’s exact line of sight until he climbs onto the bed and pulls Dave into his chest. “Shh, it’s me, dude. It’s okay.”

Dave’s brain slowly catches up to the situation, smelling as he’s shoved into a shirt sweat and wires and potatoes from dinner. It’s Dirk.

Dave starts crying harder, wrapping his arms around his brother as Dirk starts rocking him back and forth.

“I’m sorry,” Dave says. “I’m, uh, dude I’m sorry you just— you just look so much like him.”

“I know.”

Dirk pulls back for a moment, frowning, and pulls his triangle sunglasses off his face before folding them and hanging them off his shirt. 

“Better?” He asks, looking at Dave with his orange eyes open and vulnerable in a way he’s not used to.

Dave nods shakily. 

Dirk hugs him again, resting his chin gently on top of Dave’s head. “You left dinner in quite a hurry. Didn’t even make a joke as you went.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I just needed to check on you. Do you... mind telling me what’s wrong?”

Dirk stops the rocking, leaning away and looking Dave in the eyes so he knows it’s serious.

“Uh.”

“It was Roxy, wasn’t it?” Dirk curses. “I knew— I _told_ her not to push you, I said it would make you upset. I’ll ask her to back off, she didn’t mean—“

“It’s not Roxy.”

Dirk blinks, looking at Dave in surprise. Dave can feel his face heating up, that he’s going to talk about this with his older brother of all people. The guy who basically raised him.

“It’s not her fault. It’s— it’s the fact that she’s... uh. Right.” Dave breaks eye contact. “I was... urgh, I was thinking about Karkat at dinner.”

Dirk’s eyebrows shoot up. “Roxy didn’t mention Karkat by name.”

“Ughhhh,” Dave slumps forward, bumping his head into Dirk’s chest. He feels it rumble as Dirk laughs.

“You know, if anyone’s gonna judge you for this, it ain’t gonna be me.” Dirk pats Dave on the back gently. Dave lets out a deep, grueling, long-suffering sigh.

“I think I might have a crush on him. Maybe. Possibly.”

Dave can’t see it, but Dirk’s face has broken into a surprised grin. The first in a long time.

“Well. Have you come to terms with it?”

“Huh?”

“Have you come to terms with it?”

Dave shrugs. “I mean, I think I did right this second.”

Dirk puts a hand on Dave’s shoulder and looks him firmly in the eyes. “If it’s something real, about you, then it’s a part of you. And nothing that is a part of _you_ could ever be bad. No matter WHAT fucked-up childhood guardian tells you otherwise.”

Dave plaintively looks up, reaching up to wipe off his face. “Really?”

Dirk’s face somehow intensifies. “Dude. Honestly. _Fuck_ Bro. He’s gone. You don’t have to worry about him ever again.”

Dave nods, feeling one hundred times safer just with Dirk in the room. 

“Yeah,” he says, warming up to idea of... of liking Karkat. It feels... happy. It makes his chest swell with some sort of weird adrenaline. Joy, probably. “Yeah. You’re right.”

Dirk smiles, and ruffles up Dave’s hair, and leaves the room after Dave promises to text him later off he gets hungry.

Maybe things.

Maybe all of this will be okay.

—————————

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:58 PM

TT: Dave?

TG: yeah

TT: Oh, you’re awake.

TG: duh its barely eleven 

TT: I suspected you’d want to sleep after an emotionally harrowing experience.

TG: what 

TG: who told you 

TG: snitches get stitches

TG: and are also bitches

TT: Relax, nobody told us anything.

TT: Dirk just said not to bother you because you were probably tired.

TT: It doesn’t take a Detective to figure out what happened.

TG: aight jesus christ 

TG: so you here to interrogate me or what

TT: I just want to ask how you’re doing.

TT: You are my twin and I’m entitled to care about you a little.

TG: fair enough 

TG: uh 

TG: i came to terms with a lot of bullshit and dirk had to tell me it was okay so i didn’t fear punishment of death

TG: now that i typed it out it seems kinda wack but thats what happened 

TT: It seems reasonable to me.

TT: Well, more that it seems reasonable for you.

TT: How are you feeling now?

TG: well first i took a long ass nap

TG: cuz yeah dirk was right i was tired after that

TG: so now i guess i just exist or at least try to without feeling like im gonna be shot and killed for having a crush lmao

TT: That’s good.

TT: A crush?

TG: oh FUCK

Dave and his sister then proceed to have a conversation that looks mostly like this:

TT: Is it Karkat?

TG: no

TT: It’s Karkat.

TG: no

TT: Yes.

TG: no

TT: Yes.

TG: no

TT: Yes.

TG: no

TT: Yes. Admit it.

TG: fuck you. yes.

TT: Hah.

And then ended with:

TT: But I’m 100% serious when I say: I’m proud of you, Dave.

TG: well

TG: thanks or whatever 

TT: You’re welcome.

And then Dave fell asleep.


	22. Roxy: Apologize For The Havoc You Wreaked

Roxy Lalonde chews on her nails, grimacing as some of the dried polish comes off in her mouth and tastes bad. She turns and spits, feeling bad that she just spat onto the ship’s nice hardwood, but immediately forgetting about it in favor of her anxiety.

She’s sitting in a pile of plush pink blankets, all of which she brought from home in order to bury herself in the queen-sized bed. She’s upset because of what Dirk said.

Don’t talk to him. Don’t talk to him?!

How could she not?!

Dave is upset, and emotionally unstable, all because of Roxy.

All because she wanted to push him past his limits.

Why is she like this? Ugh.

She reaches for her phone, checks it, thinks about texting Dave, thinks better of it, and sets her phone back down. She’s been doing this for hours.

What time is it? 

It’s one AM.

Ughhhh.

Roxy falls backward into her pile of blankets, making a whump sound.

Can she maybe... just... go bother Dave?

Maybe she can just knock on his door.

And if he’s awake, then they can talk!

And if not, she can scoot back to her room and let the guilt eat at her all night.

Yeet.

Roxy sits up, clambering our of her best of brightly colored blankets and tripping onto the floor.

When she exits her bedroom she’s feeling confident.

When she makes it to the door of Dave’s room, she’s not so confident anymore.

Roxy hovers outside the door for what feels like ages. Knock? Or don’t?

Bother Dave? Or don’t?

Apologize? Or don’t?

Roxy knock, tapping out the pattern to hit cross buns. Oops, maybe that’s a little too silly?

The door swings open under her hand, and standing there, looking disheveled and very small without his sunglasses, is Dave Strider.

Roxy frowns as she sees her baby brother, guilt worming deeper into her heart. He mostly seems confused. And tired. Ugh, what was she thinking?

“Roxy? What’s up?” Dave asks, leaning slightly against the wall and yawning. His ruby eyes are really so pretty. If Roxy had eyes like that, she’d NEVER wear sunglasses!

Roxy blinks. “Oh uh I just wanted to uhhhhhh,”

Dave stands there, waiting, as Roxy sorts out her awkward brain fart.

“I wanted to say sorry.”

Dave is tired enough that his eyebrows furrow in confusion for a moment as he thinks back. “Oh, for... for dinner?”

“Yeah,” Roxy scuffs her socks on the floor awkwardly. She feels so bad that Dave had to have a whole crisis.

“It’s cool. I wasn’t mad or anything. More inconvenienced. Like when you walk into your closet but you’re out of underwear. Buts it’s a Saturday. So you’re just like ‘oh well, guess I’ll not change my underwear today.’ But then you have to do laundry and I guess that sucks. So you turn on the shower and throw your underwear in there. Sometimes I even use soap. Because Dirk said that works better. And then you have to hang them on the roof and hope nobody sees and beats your ass for hanging a bunch of underwear on the roof. Except there’s only like five pairs because you only have five pairs of underwear.”

Roxy shakes her head. “We’re not talking about whatever that is, Dave. I’m TRYNA say SORRY.”

Dave shrugs, sliding along the wall some as he refuses to hold up his own wait. “Like I said. We’re cool. Unless you really wanna have a big ol’ feelings jam, in which case be my guest. Silverware’s all set up. Tablecloth is clean. That’s the blanket that goes on tables right?”

Roxy sighs and pads into Dave’s room, climbing onto his bed to sit cross-legged. Dave, obviously tired, follows her lead and sits beside her.

“Let’s have a feelings jam then, bro,” Roxy smiles. Dave looks indifferent, but his eyes crinkle up when he faces her.

“So, like, about you calling me gay?”

Roxy flinches. Dave wasn’t pulling any half-asleep punches.

“Yep.”

“Okay. Cool. I mean I guess you were mostly right? Like the way a weatherman is right. He’s proven wrong several times, but like, you still trust him. Because if Tom from Sunday Morning Live says that it’s gonna rain, then god damn am I bringing a coat.”

“What?” Roxy asks with a confused frown, poking Dave’s cheek. He grins sheepishly and leans away.

“I guess I have a crush on Karkat or whatever.”

Roxy gasps sarcastically. “No!”

“It’s true. And I guess that makes me gay? But I don’t know anything right now. I’m kinda... still settling with that fact in general.”

Roxy rolls her eyes. “Liking Karkat is gay, but that doesn’t make you gay.”

Dave blinks up at her, completely puzzled.

Roxy’s face falls a little. “There’s more then one sexuality, dingus.”

“Oh. Yeah. I mean, I knew that. Remind me though, what you’re talking about?”

Roxy sighs over dramatically and drapes her arms over Dave, tugging him close. He grunts a little in retaliation, but lets her.

“Some people like girls AND guys,” Roxy says in her best teacher voice, “and that’s bisexual. Some people like no one at ALL, and that’s aromantic.”

“Wait, hold on go back—“ Dave kind of slurs from where he’s resting on Roxy’s chest. “Girls. And boys?”

“Bisexual. Not gay.” Roxy says helpfully.

Something in Dave’s expression changes. His eyebrows raise slowly and his red eyes sparkle a little. Well. Maybe Roxy imagined the sparkles but he definitely looked suddenly interested.

“It’s not gay?”

Roxy shrugs. “Well, I mean, it’s still gay. But only partially.”

“Huh.” Dave’s eyes go far away, and then soft. He’s thinking hard about something.

“Ladies.” He mumbles. “... AND dudes? What’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one, other then twice the amount of crushes and still being single.”

“Hmm,” Dave thinks somberly. “Hmm. That sounds— cool, but I don’t think... I’m not sure—“

“Don’t rush labeling yourself,” Roxy cautions quickly. “Labels aren’t for everyone. Some people go their whole lives just liking whoever and never telling anyone about it.”

“Too late for that,” Dave points out with a weak grin. Roxy ruffles his hair.

“If you actually wanted her too, Rose would back off. And anyway my point is, bisexual is just a word that means attracted to both guys and girls. You don’t have to call yourself that if you don’t want to.”

“I think. I think maybe I do want to,” Dave says, “it’s just going to take some... getting used to. We gotta break in those shoes before we wear them. Walk around for a week and get three blisters before they fit right.”

“Uh-huh,” Roxy agrees as Dave bats her hands away from his hair. “I can send you bisexuality memes if you like.”

Dave’s head shoots up and his eyes are lit up like stars. “They _have_ those?”

Roxy laughs, nodding, and Dave looks almost giddy as he sits up next to her.

“Well, sorry Rox. I guess you’re the only straight person in the family now.”

Roxy stares at Dave. She searches his eyes, waiting for a few seconds.

Then she EXPLODES in laughter, falling back onto the bed and snorting so hard the mattress shakes.

“You— What—“ Roxy gasps out through her laughter. “You think _I’m_ straight?!”

Dave frowns a little nervously. “...Well... I did until just now.”

Roxy rolls over, burying her face in the pillows as she laughs so hard she starts coughing.

When she finally finishes, she sits up and hooks Dave’s neck with her arm, tugging him into her chest.

“Sorry,” Roxy giggles, “things seem funnier at three AM. No, I am definitely not straight.”

“Then can I ask—“

“I’m bisexual as FUCK dude! Now we can match!” Roxy holds out her fist for a bump, and Dave stares at it for a moment before bumping her back.

“Bisexual Strilonde gang?” He asks, looking at his sister for approval.

“HELL yeah!” Roxy cheers, and then she squeezes Dave tightly. He pretends to dislike the hug until she finally lets go.

“I’m also now your official romance coach,” Roxy proclaims, her arms still wrapped around Dave, only now they’re leaning against the pile of pillows. “So I order you to go SMOOCH Karkat to your heart’s content!”

“ROXY!” Dave yells, bringing his hands up to cover his face in embarrassment. Roxy lets up, laying back down. They sit in comfortable silence for a whole two minutes.

Roxy turns her head to face her baby brother. “But _do_ you wanna smooch ‘im?”

“AAAAAUGH.”

——————

tispyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timeasTestified [TT] at 4:30 AM

TG: :) :) :)

TG: ;)

TT: Sigh.

TT: What did you do?

TG: i apolgized!!

TG: *apologized 

TT: Ah. I take it it went well?

TG: so well distri u have no idea

TG: were basically bi bffs now

TT: Ah.

TT: Is he happy?

TG: yaknow?

TG: i rlly think he is! :)

TT: That’s all I need to know.

————————

tipsyGnolstalgic opened memo “ITS SHIPPIN GRID TIEM EVRYBODYYYY” at 4:50 AM

TG: i doubt any of u r awake rn but!!!

TG: operation davekat is back n business babey!!

GG: Really?

TG: yes! we got confirmaton of a crushh on daveys end!!

GG: Well that’s wonderful! :B

TG: i know!!!

TG: lets talk 2 morrow ;)

GG: Goodnight Roxy!

TG: nighty nite janey! <3

tipsyGnostalgic closed memo


	23. Karkat: Be A Sucker For Romance

“Eat. It.” Dave practically growls, shoving the fried concoction closer.

Karkat makes a sound of disgust and squirms away, glaring at the offending strip of ‘food’. “No! I refuse!”

“EAT. The fish stick.”

“That is NOT fish! I don’t care what you say! If you think that’s fish, then you’ve actually gone shithive maggots! Your thinkpan got screwed on backwards and the screws were actually made of lead! AUGH!”

Dave frowns. Karkat is almost surprised, because it looks genuine and deep on his much-too-handsome face.

“Dude. Seriously. If I get you some leftover salmon, will you eat that?”

Karkat throws his arms up in agressive confusion, displaying his grubscars.

“I don’t know?! Probably not! I’m _not hungry_!”

Dave sighs and rubs his head. “You’re never hungry. And I’m calling bullshit. Why won’t you eat?”

“Because I’m not hungry! Maybe if you pulled your sniffer out of your waste chute once in a fucking blue moon, you could see that, you obtuse windbag of pain!”

Dave glares at Karkat. “Yes you are. _Why aren’t you eating?_ ”

Karkat squirms, grasping the rock edge of the fountain. “It’s none of your business!”

Dave reaches forward and grabs Karkat’s forearm, forcing him to look at him.

“Why. Won’t. You. Eat.”

“IT’S JUST FUCKING WASTING FOOD ON MY LIFE, THAT’S WHY!” Karkat shouts, ripping his arm out of Dave’s grasp and crashing backward into the water.

The human is standing, frozen in place, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide and dazed. He stays like that for a second before he snaps out of it and suddenly climbs into the fountain, splashing everywhere and soaking his jeans through. He sits down next to Karkat, staring him directly in the eyes. Karkat can tell because Dave actually takes off his sunglasses.

His bright red eyes are completely visible as he stares down the merman, who’s trembling in the water.

Dave takes a deep breath in and then lets it out. “So, care to elaborate?”

Karkat shivers and pulls his tail closer. “Actually; no? But I will.” He growls a little and turns away. He can’t meet Dave’s eyes, no matter how pretty they are.

“I’m not used to eating a lot. It’s no big deal.”

Karkat flinches as he feels Dave’s fingers on his chin. The human gently turns Karkat’s head towards him, his face calm and open. 

“It kind of is, but go off I guess,” Dave sighs, dropping his hand.

Karkat lowers his gaze in shame. “Listen. Are you listening, asshole? The thing is I’m kind of big inconvenience. Believe it or not, having a mutantblood for a son isn’t the best gift the universe could give you. Basically it sucks and I suck and my dad can never get enough food so I just eat less! Because what’s the point of Crabdad and Kankri going out and getting food if they don’t even eat it themselves! You get it? Did that filter into you mindstem properly?!”

Dave brings a hand up to rub his eyes. “Unfortunately, I literally do. But that’s super uncool. And not even true. Nobody here even likes fish besides you, Karkat. You can just eat it.”

The merman shrugs. “I’d just... rather not-“

“That’s why you came up here!” Dave suddenly shouts. Both of them flinch, surprised at the volume. Dave’s eyebrows furrow and he looks the closest to mad Karkat’s ever seen him.

“You thought you would _die!_ ”

Karkat winces and backs away. “No, I. Sollux dared me to! I’ve told you that! I didn’t know I would die!”

“But you thought you might,” Dave adds, and he seems genuinely pissed off. “Karkat, that’s majorly not okay. I can’t even express to you how not okay that is.” Karkat stares back at him, wide-eyed and almost afraid.

Is he in trouble? Are they gonna kick him out?

Dave reaches forward and pulls Karkat into a fierce, tight hug. Karkat’s brain short-circuits for a second.

“Don’t ever do anything even fucking similar to that again. Please?” He whispers.

“Fine. But. But I swear, I _don’t want_ to die. I just sometimes think it’d be convenient? Only when things get really, really awful. I swear it’s not a big deal.”

“Still bad,” Dave says, breaking their hug. “But I’m happy you want to stay alive, at least. We do need to work on actually doing it.”

Karkat thinks about sharing his culture and his hurts and his secrets with Dave, and he thinks about Kanaya and Nepeta and even Sollux and possibly Terezi and how all of them had _liked_ him. And he thinks about how maybe, if the people he trusts most like him, maybe he could too?

 _Basing your self worth off relationships with other people isn’t healthy. Neither is romanticizing sadness,_ says Karkat’s brain.

Karkat thinks maybe he’s earned looking on the bright side of things, even if that thing is self-hatred. It’s not like he’s arguing for self-hatred.

He’s going to start doing whatever the opposite of that is.

Dave makes Karkat eat the fish sticks.

————————

“Thor... Ragnarok?” Karkat asks dubiously, leaning over Dave’s shoulder and definitely invading his personal space. Dave isn’t pushing him away, though, so he counts this as a win.

“Roxy says this movie is ‘Bi Culture’ and a ‘must watch’,” Dave says with a shrug. 

“What does that mean?” Karkat clicks, and Dave doesn’t answer as he starts playing the movie.

They curl up and watch it, Karkat on the edge of his fountain and Dave on the floor.

They’re officially halfway back home, meaning Karkat only has a few more days left on the ship.

He’s trying very hard to watch the movie, but he just can’t focus.

Karkat is a hopeless romantic at heart. And now, he’s also an avid watcher of human rom-coms.

He’s only got a few days left with Dave. Meaning this is the ideal time to confess his feelings.

Only Karkat has been here for three weeks and he still hasn’t pinned down exactly what his feelings ARE.

Yesterday, when Dave forced Karkat to eat— that was super pale. The whole situation echoed with tones of moirailleigence. 

And then of course any time they ever sat too close, Karkat could feel his whole body go flushed with red. That’s more on the lines of matespritship.

And then. Dave is also, undeniably, such a dumbass. Sometimes when he’s at his worst Karkat can’t help but flirt with him in a blackrom way. Dave does it FIRST anyway! Even if he doesn’t realize he’s flirting.

Karkat just can’t handle this nonsense. His quadrants are all over the place, it’s almost like he wants to date Dave in all of them at once.

And that’s just so greedy. And selfish. And Karkat feels horrible.

But at the same time... 

John mentioned, the other day, that he’d thought Karkat and Dave had been human dating. Which includes... all of the quadrants.

Karkat thinks this is almost worse then his crush on Terezi. At least then, he was free to hate himself for being so selfish.

But this time... there’s this horrible, underlying feeling of hope— like he might actually have a CHANCE—

Karkat tries to cut off that train of thought whenever it happens.

But right now, as he’s watching Dave lay on the ground and cheer for the warrior lady as she kicks ass, Karkat just can’t help it.

—————

“Didn’t I tell you I’m bisexual now?”

“What?” Karkat rolls over in the water, turning towards Dave. He’s floating with his arms under his head.

Dave is grinning. “God, that feels weird to say. But basically! Humans have dumb rules that you can only like one kind of person. And Roxy and I decided that those rules are SHIT and we’re gonna do what makes us happy.”

Karkat feels a little shocked as Dave openly admits to completely disobeying his empire. “You... are going to like whoever you want? And do what makes you happy?”

“Yep!” Dave sighs, and then drops his grin. “That’s not weird, is it?”

“Fuck no,” Karkat replies, looking back up at the ceiling. “That’s actually pretty brave if you. I can’t believe you coughed up the shame globes to do something so brazenly out of character for you.”

Dave laughs.

“Thanks?”

————

Breaking the rules, Karkat thinks to himself in the dark.

What if... what if he just.

Being a mutant is ALREADY breaking the rules. Why should he follow any other rules? He’s already continuously at a risk of a culling.

If he’s gonna get killed, he might as well die proud. Breaking as many rules as he can.

And if one of those rules just happens to make him super super happy... well then where’s the harm?

He thinks about dating Dave. But how selfish would that be— to argue with and love and nurture the same person? He’d confuse Dave completely and drive him off, just like with Terezi.

At the same time. Human relationships are exactly like that. What if, instead of being confused, Dave... reciprocates?

Karkat’s chest hurts as he even tries to imagine such a self-indulgent thing. It would be... so sickly sweet, so dizzy and fun.... ugh, if only.

Karkat curls his tail around himself and wishes he wasn’t so pathetic.

————————

“Pool time pool time!” Dave yells, pushing the cooler along way worse then usual. Karkat yelps and grips the edge of the container as he’s rocked along.

Dave seems pretty over excited, considering how fast he’s shoving Karkat.

The merman growls in indignation as he’s unceremoniously dumped into the saltwater pool with a splash. Luckily he recovers quickly, rolling his eyes at Dave’s clear childishness.

By the time he turns to chew Dave out about it though, his words die in his throat. Dave’s yanked his tee shirt right off, now wearing only shorts and sunglasses. He grins at Karkat and waves, then he takes his Cam-Er-Ra and points it at him for a moment.

“Click! Haha!” Dave says. “Now I’ve forever got trapped in time the moment of you blatantly checking me out.”

“What?!” Karkat exclaims, but Dave has already set the device down and jumped into the pool, trying to make as big a splash as possible.

The waves push Karkat backward and he sighs loudly, waiting for Dave to resurface. When he does, his shades have been knocked off, but they’re still floating close enough that he simply snatches them and puts them back on.

“I said,” Dave repeats, “you were checking me out. You were checking me out REAL good. Like a soccer mom in a Safeway. She’s checking out those groceries quick as she can because little Timmy is pulling on her hand just BEGGING her for ice cream. But she doesn’t want ice cream, she’s getting him sandwiches, which are a more healthy choice, but Timmy is just throwing such a fit that she needs to get to the car before this turns into a full-scale meltdown. Full-scale meltdown, Karkat, just from how hot it is. And she’s checking out those groceries and the cashier says ‘ma’am on a scale from one to ten how hot are those groceries you’re checking out’ and she says ‘sir they’re hot as fuck’, which is an actual measurement I would know check the periodic table. Anyway my point is you were totally scoping out my hot bod, dude.”

Karkat shoves his face in the water and blows bubbles loudly. “If I _was_ ‘checking you out’, which I wasn’t, it’d be my fucking business, Strider.”

Dave chuckles. “Keep telling yourself that, KitKat. How’s the tail coming?”

Karkat lifts up his tail so it’s more in the light, looking at it through the water. Most of the blood color had completely returned— the only white spots left are small, bagel noticeable patterns near his spine. Dave had done most of the medicine work himself, using his long, nimble fingers to apply the odd paste at least once a day. Those ten minutes are the most tense minutes of Karkat’s life.

“As best as a bunch of low-grade non medic human assholes could do,” Karkat says instead of complimenting him. Dave seems to understand anyway, though, and rolls over in the water.

“I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone,” he sighs, and Karkat feels it like a strike.

He’s leaving. He’s leaving _soon._ Within-the-week soon.

This could be his last chance to ever tell Dave anything.

“I know it’s stupid because like, we haven’t even known each other for a month,” Dave goes on, oblivious to Karkat’s inner turmoil. “But you’re probably my very best friend. You’re at least the only person who I’ve ever... talked to so openly, and extensively. And you’re pretty fun too. I was kinda worried you’d leave without me saying something, but, eh,” Dave shrugs. “It’s been fun? And. I’ll remember you and shit.”

Karkat feels warmth blooming in his chest, but outwardly he scoffs and flips his tail.

“You’re a disgusting disgrace and knowing you has been a burden on my conscience,” Karkat says, “and every moment spent talking to you has been a moment of pain. Sometimes being around you makes me want to gouge my own ganderbulbs out and then rip off my tail.”

Dave sort of grimaces at the imagery. Karkat softens a little and turns away.

“But, yeah. I guess you’re also my best friend.”

A smile creeps across Dave’s face, dopey and genuine. “‘Daww, you love me.”

“Now I didn’t say that,” Karkat snaps. “But speaking of that.”

Dave suddenly is drawn to attention, rolling so his body is upward in the water and facing Karkat. He can probably sense the serious tone of voice.

“Remember how you said that you and Roxy were deciding to ignore your... human societal quadrant-like thing?”

Dave nods, looking very curious. “Yeah.”

Karkat takes a deep breath, wondering why he’s shaking so much. “Well, I, uh, I’m also doing that now.”

Dave tilts his head to the side in confusion. “How so? Your romance thing is different then mine.”

“Yeah, I,” Karkat crosses his arms defensively. “Believe it or not, I have an issue with quadrants.”

“Oh?” Dave asks, sounding thoroughly interested now. 

“Yep. I have a hard time... Uh. Sharing, I guess. I’m pretty selfish and I do this thing where I crush on someone with every single quadrant at once.”

Dave swims a little closer, like he’s trying to hear. “So, what, you... want to argue with someone AND kiss them at the same time? That’s so fucking scandalous, Karkat.”

“I KNOWWW,” Karkat whines, hiding his face behind his hands. “I know, it’s so fucking selfish and I suck.”

“What, I— no, Karbro, dude.” Dave gets close enough that Karkat can feel the waves from his weird swimming. “That wouldn’t seem weird to humans at all. We’d just call that a boyfriend.”

Karkat peeks through his hands at the platinum blonde hair. He recalls the romcoms and the human dating and what John said. “Oh yeah.”

Dave laughs. “Yeah. Argue, talk about your feelings, cockblock, AND make out? Haha, yeah that’s...” He trails off.

Karkat removes his hands and stares curiously as Dave suddenly faces him with extreme intensity.

“Who is it?” He says, and his voice is almost dark.

“What the hell are you talking about?!” Karkat snaps back automatically.

Dave backs off, perhaps sensing Karkat’s slight fear. “Uh, the, uh, ultimate crush. This fellow who wants to steal all your quadrants. Who is it?”

Karkat feels like he’s been slapped in the face as the worst possible nightmare scenario is presented to him.

Dave’s asking who his crush is. 

A perfectly innocent inquiry. 

Something a normal best friend would be able to answer.

“I’m not really comfortable telling you,” Karkat says finally, trying to include a good amount of disdain in his voice. He mostly just sounds pathetic.

“Aww,” Dave whines, “please, KitKat? I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

“I’m not budging on it,” Karkat says, accidentally making his voice sound like he’s one hundred percent up for budging. Dave reacts appropriately and leans even closer, blinking his eyes innocently.

“Please, dude, I just wanna know— as your _best friend_ I’m entitled to such knowledge of love and life— I am your official romance coach— I shall know everything about you—“

“Well gee!” Karkat snaps. “If you know me so well, TELL ME WHO IT IS!”

Dave looks slightly taken aback, but Karkat doesn’t stop.

“TELL ME, Dave, who do I spend every waking moment thinking about? Who do I find so pitiful because he’s damaged and scared that I can’t help but want to shoosh-pap him at every opportunity? Who else has such a beautiful kissable face, huh? Who else is such a huge fucking dickwad I can’t help but argue back at him? Who else is my favorite being in the whole world, who else makes my bloodpusher fluctuate until my chest hurts?!”

Dave is staring at him with his mouth moving slowly like a fish. 

Karkat gets a wispy thought in his head, barley formed, of Dave using those lips to actually kiss Karkat.

It only makes him feel worse.

“WHO FUCKING ELSE, DAVE?!”

Karkat sits there, breathing hard, on the verge of crying, his back fins bristling defensively and his tail lashing.

Dave, a mere few feet away, looks like he’s lost in another world. Or perhaps like someone told him the secrets to the universe. 

Or, just maybe, like all of his dreams are possibly coming true.

“Karkat,” he asks, quietly, slowly, and carefully, “is it... me?”

Karkat nearly bursts into tears, but instead he just plunges his head into the water and yells.

“OBVIOUSLY, YOU HUGE DUMBASS.”

He doesn’t surface for a second, but when he does, Dave is staring off into space. His shades have been removed and they’re folded neatly in one of his pale hands.

The freckles on his face, which Karkat has always been fascinated with, are visible in the low pool room light.

Dave’s just sitting there and thinking. Karkat is trembling slightly. 

He’s never regretted anything more. It seems like this whole conversation is suspended in midair, about to tip one of two ways.

And maybe time is standing still.

The white-haired human sits in silence for a while, and every second is like agony. Karkat can feel his bloodpusher counting out how long it’s been.

“Can I kiss you?” Dave blurts suddenly, and then looks very much like he’s going to slap a hand over his mouth.

He seems to recoil from his own words, and Karkat, in turn, snaps to attention so fast he’s surprised his spine doesn’t break.

“Holy shit?” Karkat asks, too shocked to say much else. He stares back, not knowing how to respond.

It’s kind of like a large, black hole is swallowing up the known universe. It’s like Karkat’s existence is being pulled apart like taffy.

It very much feels like, he must have misheard. Or misunderstood. Something— is clearly wrong. 

Karkat’s stomach, along with his world, are suddenly turned inside out. He can’t breathe. He can’t think.

He’s so confused.

“Ah, shit, sorry,” Dave groans, burying his face in his hands. The parts Karkat can still see are turning red fast. 

Dave’s red blood is flushing clear as day to make its appearance known to Karkat.

“I— I just sort of blurted that out— I wasn’t thinking when I said it—“

Karkat’s brain is trying to catch up.

Dave Strider... is asking to kiss him?

Like, kiss Karkat?

Karkat.

Kiss Karkat?

Like, for real? And he’s asking.

Well, he’s certainly allowed to do that. And it... doesn’t seem like he’s joking. He’s still nervously rambling. He needs to cut that out. Before Karkat chickens.

“Yes,” Karkat barks suddenly, interrupting whatever Dave is blabbering. The human stops, his mouth slowly closing as he turns to face Karkat in a look of confusion.

Oops, Karkat better clear that up. Kissing. Yep, totally okay.

“Yes you can— you’re allowed to kiss me. Holy fuck. Please.” Karkat says. He might be growling. He’s not sure.

Dave stares back at Karkat with a red face for a long time.

He stares at Karkat like he can’t get enough.

Karkat watches him back.

They sit there, awkwardly, for almost a full minute.

Karkat coughs. “So, like, are you gonna...?”

Dave snaps out of whatever stupor he was in, focusing in on Karkat’s face, specifically his lips.

“Yeah. Yes. I am. We’re doing this man. We’re making this happen. I just gotta...”

Dave reaches forward, the little amount of space left between them diminishing. 

“I just need to...” his hand gently cups the side of Karkat’s face, stroking his chin with his thumb.

Karkat nearly chokes.

“I’m just gonna...” Dave’s voice falls to a whisper as he slowly pulls Karkat’s head towards himself. Karkat can feel his face growing extremely warm. His eyes are blown wide, and if Karkat was looking in a mirror, he’d look like a cat.

Dave’s palm pulls Karkat closer until there’s almost nothing between their faces.

Karkat can literally feel Dave’s breath on his lips. He’s still staring at Dave’s red eyes, both of them locked in a trance and refusing to break eye contact.

Karkat’s face is on fire.

And then Dave swoops in, smooshing their mouths together.

It’s— terrible, their noses bump into each other and hurt a lot and Karkat’s teeth are huge and awkward and in the way.

They basically manage to stupidly press their faces together for a few seconds before Dave pulls away.

“Ah, shit, I ruined it,” Dave whispers. “I ruined our first kiss!”

His hand falls back down into the water with a gentle splashing noise.

Karkat rolls his eyes. “You know, we could just—“

“No, it’s to late now, Karbabe, the moment is ruined. Now you gotta wait till tomorrow. We’ll try again later, sound cool? I ruined it, there’s a lawful twenty-hour first kiss regeneration period—“

“Dave,” Karkat interrupts, staring the human directly in his ruby red eyes and watching him shiver. “Shut up.”

And then Karkat reaches out with his webbed hands and he wraps them around the back of Dave’s neck, and then he leans in for a kiss.

It’s just as bad as before, at first, but then Dave tilts his head to the side and their noses aren’t a problem anymore.

And then Dave starts MOVING his lips and holy shit now we’re cooking with fire!

(If that is indeed how fire works.)

Dave’s arms wrap around Karkat’s shoulders as he suddenly just starts trying to pull him as close as possible, moving his lips against the merman’s all the while.

Karkat doesn’t object, for once, because his mouth is busy doing possibly the softest and sweetest thing he’s ever experienced in his life.

He changes the position of his hands a little in order to reach Dave’s hair, and WOW he was right about it being softer then merperson hair. It feels like the down on the bottom of a duck, or the fur on a seal.

And then suddenly Karkat’s nose and cheeks are getting kind of wet, and Dave almost forcibly pulls himself away, gasping loudly for air.

Oh, right. Humans need to breathe air. With their faces.

Dave smiles at Karkat, though, and Karkat catches the reason for the sudden wetness.

“Are you crying?” He whispers, although it’s kind of loud and their arms are still wrapped around each other.

Dave laughs a tiny, broken little laugh. “They aren’t bad tears.”

And then he presses a quick kiss to Karkat’s nose, which makes him let out a surprised little chirr.

And Dave’s grin grows impossibly wide.

“I’ve wanted to do that,” he whispers, and then he starts placing quick, tiny smooches all over Karkat’s face; his nose, cheeks, eyelids, forehead, chin, nowhere is safe.

So Karkat leans forward to catch Dave’s mouth with his own and starts trying to do the kiss thing they were doing before. And Dave makes a very merman-esque sound and reciprocates, until their kiss is just as deep as the first one.

It... really isn’t like Karkat’s romance stories said it would be. 

There’s no ringing bells, no rainbows, no sudden understanding of how to make their relationship perfect.

But there is a warmth, and a happiness, and the pure satisfying thought that.

He’s kissing Dave Fucking Strider.

And that’s really all he needs to know.

“Ahem,” someone says, clearing their throat, and Karkat and Dave jump apart like they’ve both been electrocuted.

Standing in the pool room doorway, holding it open slightly, is Dirk Strider. 

His face, like always, is impossible to read. But what Dirk’s thinking doesn’t matter because Karkat’s ears are currently burning in embarrassment.

Dirk stares at them for a full forty seconds after clearing his throat before he says;

“Dinner’s ready, when you want it.”

And then he leaves the way he came, letting the door shut behind him. He goes literally without another word.

Karkat and Dave sit in the water in silence. It’s almost cold after losing the heat of each other’s bodies.

The awkwardness in the air is palpable.

“Does he...” Karkat asks after a minute, when he thinks his face is less red. “Normally alert you when dinner’s ready?”

“Nope!” Dave responds, grinning and turning back to Karkat.

“That _bastard_ ,” Karkat complains, and then he grabs Dave and drags him in for a kiss.

Dave doesn’t go to dinner for quite some time.


	24. Vriska: Lead A Heist!!!!!!!!

A young lass swishes her hair gracefully over her shoulder. It just so happens that today, one of the hottest days in the recent summer months, is the day she and a few members of her mostly deranged pod have caught up to the giant cruise ship they’ve been looking for for nearly a week.

Although it was around fifteen years ago she was given life, this young lass was given a name only two of them ago.

It’s the best name she could’ve hoped for, honestly.

Her name is VRISKA SERKET, and she’s about to kick some serious human ass!

Her heist co-leader, partner for life, and incredible moirial TEREZI PYROPE is currently swimming by her side.

“Do you really think this is gonna work?” Terezi asks, her ears swiveling in Vriska’s direction to pick up her response.

Vriska laughs. “Why wouldn’t it? I mean, obviously those loooooooosers back there are gonna mess it up, but I’ve _planned_ for that.”

Vriska does a spin in the water while she’s power-swimming, looking like a turbine.

“It’s foolproof.”

Terezi displays her signature pointy-teeth grin. 

“You’re right. I guess I’m just nervous!”

Vriska glances at her Teal friend for a moment.

“Yaknow, Terezi, it’s possible you’re nervous for a reason NOT having to do with my absolutely foolproof heist.”

Somewhere behind them, Sollux angrily yells about slowling down, and then Aradia shuts him up. It’s a good thing they became moirails last year. Aradia’s been very good for Sollux. 

Nepeta makes a comment at Aradia about how long it’s taking, and Aradia quiets her. Kanaya answers the question.

Terezi, up at the front of their pod near Vriska, wrinkles her nose.

“What are you talking about?” Her voice is raspy and loud, a side effect of constant yelling during gaming sessions.

Vriska wiggles her eyebrows. “Uh, your old flame, duhhhhhhhhh. The one we’re literally rescuing?”

Terezi looks surprised, her useless blank eyes growing wide. “What, Karkat?”

She throws back her pointy horns and cackles. Terezi’s cackle is a long thing of beauty.

“Karkat’s fine! I’ve been over him for years, Vriska. Not sure we really had anything going in the first place.”

Vriska shrugs, her Cerulean tail mimicking the motion. She wants to be a good moirail. 

“You sure? It’s okay to tell me.”

Terezi shakes her head, drawing water over her scent glads loudly to pinpoint where Vriska is.

“It hurt a little bit when it happened, sure. But that’s in the past. And now I have you!”

Terezi elbows Vriska in the side (which hurts— Terezi has SHARP elbows) and Vriska lets out a surprised laugh and shoves Terezi back.

They’re mostly able to keep up with each other as they swim, being so close together on the hemospectrum. The higher up you are, the stronger you tend to be— which is why the low bloods are lagging behind.

(Except for Aradia. All her adventures in the pirate wrecks around the area had made her unfairly muscular. She’s a RUST, she shouldn’t be so strong. What a pretentious loser.)

Kanaya manages to catch up to the Teal and Cerulean, breathing a little hard as she turns to ask Vriska a question in her perfectly composed voice.

“Are you sure about our part in the plan? I’m still not convinced of the moral integrity of the situation.”

Ugh. What’s with Kanaya being such a fussyfangs? Always fussing. Fussing and bothering and meddling. What’s her deal?

Vriska raises an eyebrow. “You’re worried about using magic on the humans who kidnapped your moirial?”

Kanayas’ face tints slightly green as she blushes. “Karkat and I aren’t moirails.”

“Mhm.”

“That’s not the problem. Trust me, whichever one of those bastards even TOUCHED Karkat is going to be ripped apart limb from limb,” Kanaya continues pleasantly. “I was just thinking... it’s a huge ship, there might be innocent humans aboard.”

“I doubt it,” Vriska replies confidently. Kanaya shrugs, adjusting her shirt. It’s very well made, Vriska admits to herself. Kanaya is good at making things.

That’s why Vriska asked her to make Terezi and herself the matching shawls they are currently wearing. A little cruel, considering Kanaya used to be Vriska’s moirial, but hey! Things happen. There’s no hard feelings.

The ship looms directly in front of them, impressively massive. It almost takes up Vriska’s whole field of vision, and it’s humbling to see something so huge.

Man-made. Ew.

Terezi shudders beside her as the water flow sticks in the wake of such a huge obstruction. Vriska pats her girlfriend’s shoulder helpfully.

“We’re here,” says Aradia right in Vriska’s ear, and the Cerulean jerks to the side in surprise. How Aradia can sneak up on her, she’ll never know.

“That’s purrrrrty big,” Nepeta says quietly, gazing warily up at the huge ship.

“It’s nothing we can’t handle!” Vriska shouts cheerily, and she reached back to grab Sollux’s forearm and drag him over. The Goldblood hisses loudly at her, but she’s got an extremely good grip.

“Alright, dude, do your thing,” Vriska clicks, swimming upward with Terezi at her side.

Sollux growls and flicks his double-finned tail to the side as he raises a hand in the direction of the ship’s hull.

“Thith would be a lot eathier if we were moving it UP.”

“Well, we’re not!” Vriska shouts down to him as she and Terezi get close to the surface. “Keep doing that! You’re doing gr-EIGHT!”

Sollux flips her off with his raised hand. red and blue magic light is already growing around his heterochromatic eyes.

Vriska and her moirial break the surface of the water, right in front of the ship. Red and blue light dance across its’ hull as the strong field of telekinesis pulls the watercraft into the water.

Vriska can hear the panicked voices of the humans aboard the deck, who are freaking out trying to understand why they are suddenly sinking.

“How many?” Vriska asks, tugging on her long hair for a second. 

Terezi faces the ship, drawing in a long breath over her scent glands. A pensive look crosses her face and her eyes, long since turned red and empty, stare into space.

“There’s four adults,” Terezi says in her scratchy voice. “And three kids.”

Vriska nods. “And?”

“Karkat’s up there too.”

“On the deck?” Vriska asks in alarm. Terezi frowns.

“Yes, but he’s not dried out or anything.”

Vriska grins, one of her fangs jutting out over her bottom lip. “Well, yaknow, we’ll just have to improvise.”

At that moment, the shaking and breaking ship gets low enough that Terezi and Vriska can leap into it. 

For a terrifying second, neither of them can breathe, and then Vriska grabs the Tealblood’s arm and drags her into a large pool of water on the deck. Immediately, the ship stops creaking and shaking, snapping upwards as Sollux releases his psychic hold on the craft.

Vriska surges upward, getting her bearings on the deck of the ship, and Terezi grabs onto the back of her shawl as she centers her focus.

Vriska feels Terezi’s sharp nails at her back as she surveys the scene.

Eight (awesome) creatures, just like Terezi said, are occupying the deck.

A human who’s wearing only white garments and looks kind of like a lusus. He’s also the largest one onboard. He’s cradling in his arms two other humans, both with dark hair and bewildered blue eyes. Blue! Just like her! 

Closer to her, there’s a flock of humans with hair like light. Two of them are standing at the edge of the water hole, staring at Vriska and Terezi with scary expressions on their faces. One of them has dark coverings hiding his eyes. The other has the purple eyes of a highblood, blazing furiously at them. Vriska feels instinctive fear flood her veins for a second.

And in the water with them are the two last humans, who seem to be flanking Karkat on either side. One of them has curly hair and bright eyes, but when she turns to Vriska there’s a flash of fuchsia and the Cerulean feels centuries of ancestral knowledge of royalty flooding through her bloodpusher. The other human also has protective black shells over his eyes, but his face turns hard and he moves to block the last creature on the boat from view.

Karkat Vantas spots them and his jaw drops open, his gills fluttering in surprise as he stares at the rescue he’d probably given up on.

They’re such great friends.

“Let the merman go!” Terezi screeches, and she shoves bravely in front of Vriska in the direction she knows Karkat is in.

“Over my _dead body._ ” The human in front of him snarls back, and Vriska is momentarily surprised he knows English, but then she’s processing his words and responding with a sneer.

“Guess we’re doing this the hard way,” Vriska says, and then she opens her mouth to sing.

_“Come to us, We've waited so long for you,”_

As she starts, the angry pale human in front of Karkat lets his face fall slack as he is immediately taken over by the song. His shoulders untense.

_“Ev'ry day we'll make a new song for you,_  
_come, come, to us we love you so._  
_Leave behind the world and it's fretting,  
and we will give you rest and forgetting.” _

____

One by one, the humans across the whole deck suddenly let their limbs drop as if they have fallen asleep standing up.

The only one left is the tall and pointy one, who is standing stiff as a board and staring straight at Vriska as he listens to her.

Vriska frowns and increases the volume of her song, letting the melody pull as the humans already under suddenly starts stumbling towards her. Terezi moves to go collect Karkat but the first human is still somewhat in the way.

_“So sang the Sirens ages and ages ago._  
_Come to us, we've waited so long for you,_  
_we'll make life a beautiful song for you,  
_come, come to us.”__

_____ _

The last human is still not under the spell, and it’s a this moment he chooses to act. He draws a sword from seemingly nowhere and then sprints forward. Vriska, trying not to let panic deep into her voice, sighs even louder.

____

_“We love you so!_  
_Leave behind the world and it's fretting,_  
_And we will give you rest and forgetting.  
_So sang the Sirens ages and ages ago!”__

_______ _ _ _

The wiry human hops into the pool, reaching for his smaller duplicate and shaking its’ shoulder roughly. Terezi flinches away from where she was close enough to touch then.

_______ _ _ _

“DAVE,” The man shouts, and the smaller one blinks and shakes his head for a second, and then reaches up to cover his ears the second he knows what’s going on.

_______ _ _ _

Vriska snarls and rounds on the two of them, but the bigger human is there with his sword, and he looks ready to fillet her alive.

_______ _ _ _

“Back the hell off,” he says, low and threateningly. Vriska gnashes her teeth at him, but does, allowing her song to trail off.

_______ _ _ _

It’s now that four other merpeople appear, floating over the side of the ship and landing in the pool behind her. Vriska jumps and spins to see Kanaya, Nepeta, Aradia, and Sollux, the last of whom collapses in the water and starts breathing raggedly. The psychic strain really took a toll on the Goldblood, apparently.

_______ _ _ _

All the humans, now back to their own senses, suddenly bristle and step forward almost in unison.

_______ _ _ _

Vriska feels her hackles raise and the fins on her back bush up as she hisses warningly; a few feet away, Terezi is doing the same thing.

_______ _ _ _

And then Karkat himself shoves through the two humans and into the center of the pool.

_______ _ _ _

“Sollux Captor,” Karkat says loudly, his arms shaking in fury as he points at the Goldblood. “You ASSHOLE.”

_______ _ _ _

“Language!” Scolds the large lusus-man, and Karkat tilts his head in confusion.

_______ _ _ _

“He means,” pants one of the blue humans being suffocated under the large one’s arms, “think carefully about what you say and. Don’t say anything you’ll regret, young man.”

_______ _ _ _

Karkat nods. Why he’s taking orders from _humans_ is anyone’s guess, but he lifts his arm to point once again at his friend.

_______ _ _ _

“Sollux Captor! You _fucking dickhead!_ ”

_______ _ _ _

The lusus human shakes his head in disappointment.

_______ _ _ _

Sollux pulls himself up off the side of the pool, swimming over to Karkat with a blaze in his multicolored eyes.

_______ _ _ _

“What the HELL did you do, KK?!”

_______ _ _ _

Karkat winces, and then shrugs. Sollux only seems more enraged.

_______ _ _ _

“Do you know how _worried_ we’ve been?! How UPSETTING it wath to know that you left to get yourthelf killed by humanth?!”

_______ _ _ _

Sollux reaches forward and the human that had previously been guarding Karkat bristles, but the Goldblood only grabs the merman’s gray shoulders and gives them a firm shake.

_______ _ _ _

“Do you know how INFURIATING THITH WATH?! God, I hate you THO MUCH!”

_______ _ _ _

Silence descends on the deck.

_______ _ _ _

Karkat’s face grows bright red— a horrible, unnatural color, and every other merperson in the pool stills in simultaneous interest and embarrassment.

_______ _ _ _

“You... do?” Karkat asks weakly, and then suddenly the pale human with dark eye shells shoves himself in between the two merpeople.

_______ _ _ _

Sollux hisses loudly and makes to scratch him, but the light haired creature quickly backs out of his reach.

_______ _ _ _

“Now, is anyone gonna tell me what the fuck’s goin on, or am I gonna keep being led around like a blind person in a funhouse mirror maze?”

_______ _ _ _

Terezi laughs, but other then that no one else reacts.

_______ _ _ _

Karkat’s webbed hand finds the shoulder of the talking human, gently pulling him back away from Sollux.

_______ _ _ _

“Dave,” says Karkat in a tired voice, “this is my pod. Well, some of them.”

_______ _ _ _

The human glances at them warily. “Ah.”

_______ _ _ _

Nepeta waves back.

_______ _ _ _

“And pod, this is my, uh... this is Dave.”

_______ _ _ _

Everyone stares awkwardly at each other for a moment.

_______ _ _ _

Kanaya pushes Terezi roughly aside in her haste to swim over to Karkat and fiercely start mothering him.

_______ _ _ _

“Did they hurt you? Are you okay? Have you been eating?” She pokes and prods at his mutant scales until he squeaks in embarrassment and backs away.

_______ _ _ _

The pointy human and the pink-eyed one come forward towards Kanaya.

_______ _ _ _

“Okayyy, so,” says the one with curly hair, holding up her hands. “WHATS goin on?”

_______ _ _ _

Vriska shrugs. “Beats me. My plan was perfect! I didn’t expect Karkat to give us friendly introductions.”

_______ _ _ _

“To be fair, that is out of character for him,” Says the pointy human, who is currently preening through ‘Dave’’s hair much the same way Kanaya was to Karkat. “We’re about as confused as you dude.”

_______ _ _ _

“Don’t call me dude,” Vriska snaps, but she’s still reeling a little bit. The stories about humans never mentioned they could go from feral to pleasant in the blink of a ganderbulb.

_______ _ _ _

“Hello!” Says one of the blue humans, waving exitedly and coming over to the side of the water. “I’m John! What’s your name?”

_______ _ _ _

“I’m Vriska Serket! Nice to meet you, John,” Vriska smiles all the way to her eight pupils. “Glad someone has manners on this ship wreck.”

_______ _ _ _

“Hey! I’m doing damage control!” Karkat growls, shaking a fist at her. “Can you please explain to me why the FUCK you guys decided to try and kill us?!”

_______ _ _ _

“You were KIDNAPPED!” Terezi proclaims, her nose turning towards Karkat. “What did you want us to do, NOT rescue you?”

_______ _ _ _

“That would have been preferable, yes. They were about to let me off anyway!”

_______ _ _ _

“Are you sure you’re not brainwashed?” Asks Nepeta as she watches Sollux curiously. He seems to be a tired mess, blushing yellow as Aradia shooshes and paps him calmingly.

_______ _ _ _

Karkat rolls his eyes so hard they might fall out. “No, I’m not. I may have been tortured though, just from having to listen to Dave talk.”

_______ _ _ _

“Hey!” Dave exclaims weakly. 

_______ _ _ _

Kanaya rounds on Dave fiercely. “You tortured him?!”

_______ _ _ _

“What? No!” The human waves his arms around helplessly as he babbles. “Definitely not. There was no torture happening. If anything, he tortured me!”

_______ _ _ _

Kanaya tilts her head, her claws still at the ready. “How so?”

_______ _ _ _

Something mischievous crosses Dave’s face as he twists his head back towards Karkat with a grin. “By being so goddamn hot all the time.”

_______ _ _ _

“Dave,” Karkat stage whispers, but his cheeks flare back up in what is clearly embarrassment and not displeasure. “Not the place.”

_______ _ _ _

Oh. 

_______ _ _ _

Ohhhhhhhh.

_______ _ _ _

Well then. 

_______ _ _ _

“So you’ve landed a human in a quadrant, huh?” Vriska asks curiously, although her voice lilts towards mocking. “I though you h-eight-ed humans. Is it black?”

_______ _ _ _

Karkat grits his teeth. Sollux, from across the pool, gets a pensive look on his face. 

_______ _ _ _

“Not exactly.”

_______ _ _ _

“What I’m wondering,” says the tall and pointy human out of nowhere, “is how the hell you managed to sink our ship.”

_______ _ _ _

“Goldblood Psyonics,” Terezi grins sharply, pointing at Sollux, who was still leaning tiredly against his moirial. “It’s a telekinesis.”

_______ _ _ _

The one who seems to be in charge nods, and then he turns to Vriska. “And what in the hell was up with the magic song.”

_______ _ _ _

Vriska shrugs. “Mind control. Most Ceruleanbloods have it.”

_______ _ _ _

“Mind control,” the human with purple eyes repeats, watching Vriska with fascination. “But it’s not absolute?”

_______ _ _ _

“Well,” Vriska explains in a bored tone of voice, tugging on her hair, “It only works on people attracted to women.”

_______ _ _ _

Every person slowly turns to looks at the single magic resistant human. Their eyes change from disbelief, to understanding.

_______ _ _ _

Didn’t someone call him Dirk?

_______ _ _ _

“Fuck yeah, gay rights,” says Dirk, and then everyone else seems a mix of bemused or mortified.

_______ _ _ _

“Okay, okay, stop bein’ so cute everyone,” the girl with royal eyes says, holding up her hands. “I think we’ve cleared up that nobody here needs to be attacked. Right? Right-eo.”

_______ _ _ _

“I think introductions are in order,” sniffs one of the blue humans. The one that isn’t John.

_______ _ _ _

Vriska tosses her long hair. “Well, that’s easy. I’m Vriska! Vriska Serket.”

_______ _ _ _

“And I’m Terezi!” The Tealblood beside her adds. She points at the lowbloods behind them. “Those guys are all LOSERS.”

_______ _ _ _

Nepeta makes a comically offended gasp and Sollux just rolls his eyes.

_______ _ _ _

“I’m Thollux Captor,” he says, “and thith ith Aradia and Nepeta.”

_______ _ _ _

“It’s nice to finally see you,” Aradia adds with an unsettling smile.

_______ _ _ _

“Pleased to meet actual— OH MY GOODNESS!” Nepeta squeals and surges forward in the water, her seaweed shirt getting tangled around her arms.

_______ _ _ _

She gets right up in the Royal humans’ face and points to her shirt. “WHAT. Is THAT.”

_______ _ _ _

The human looks down. “This? It’s a kitty.”

_______ _ _ _

“I _want_ one. Please? Please?”

_______ _ _ _

The human laughs and visibly restrains herself from patting Nepeta on the head. “That can be arranged, lil’ lady.”

_______ _ _ _

“Yayyyy!”

_______ _ _ _

Dirk shakes his head. “Alright, Roxy. Don’t be giving stuff out for free.”

_______ _ _ _

Nepeta balks. “Oh. You’re right, I’m sorry your majesty,” she says, and bows deeply, backing away.

_______ _ _ _

Roxy looks extremely confused. “Haha, whaaat are you doing?”

_______ _ _ _

“She didn’t mean anything by it,” Kanaya jumps in quickly, moving over in front of the Oliveblood protectively. She lifts her chin defiantly, her elegant horns tilting backward.

_______ _ _ _

“Well, I don’t know about that,” amends Vriska, earning a glare.

_______ _ _ _

“Nah, yer all good,” the human waves Kanaya off with a slightly intimidated look, “I’m just mega confused, my dawg.”

_______ _ _ _

Karkat coughs into his hand and moves closer to the royal human, watching Kanaya bemusedly. “They think you’re a royal seadweller. Because your eyes are fuchsia.”

_______ _ _ _

Roxy blinks owlishly. “Wow. I mean, yes. I am. Definitely royalty. Bow before me!”

_______ _ _ _

All of the merpeople, including Vriska, instinctively jerk their chins down obediently. Roxy immediately almost looks sick.

_______ _ _ _

“Okay! How bout no. I’m not actually royalty, sorry. That’s... we don’t do that here.”

_______ _ _ _

“Humans don’t have a blood caste system,” Karkat adds helpfully.

_______ _ _ _

Sollux sends him a glare. “Thinth when do you know tho much about humanth anyway?”

_______ _ _ _

Karkat puffs up defensively, opening his mouth to reveal his rows of blunt teeth. “Now listen here—“

_______ _ _ _

“Hey, hey, hey, everyone,” Dave starts, stepping around and grabbing Karkat’s shoulder to pull him back. “Let’s calm down.”

_______ _ _ _

Karkat deflates. “Yeah, okay.”

_______ _ _ _

Every single merperson starts looking at Dave with a grudging respect. None of them have ever been able to calm Karkat down before. It’s very impressive that he’s landed himself a moirial of an entirely different species. 

_______ _ _ _

The only merperson not entirely respectful might be Kanaya, whom Vriska can detect a hint of jealousy from. Hm. Well, you snooze you lose.

_______ _ _ _

“Hey! Terezi!” Says John in an amiable tone as he dangles his legs in the water. “Why are your eyes all freaky?”

_______ _ _ _

“John!” Says the other blue human in a scandalized tone, but Terezi just cackles.

_______ _ _ _

“Well I’m glad you asked, blue boy!” She turns in his general direction, grinning with all of her wickedly sharp teeth. “I’m blind!”

_______ _ _ _

John pushes up the square little glass pieces on his face scooting closer. “How did that happen?”

_______ _ _ _

“ _John!_ ” the other blue human hisses angrily. But Terezi only seems to smile wider. Vriska almost laughs. That’s her moirial, alright.

_______ _ _ _

“Well, Vriska dared me to go look at the sun,” she shurgs, “you know how it is. Can I... feel your face, by any chance?”

_______ _ _ _

“Of course!” John agrees quickly, and leans forward over the water so Terezi can reach upward and grasp his face. She feels it all over, making sure to squeeze his cheeks annoyingly, and then with a laugh she releases him.

_______ _ _ _

Karkat groans and covers his face with his hands. “John, blind people don’t actually ask to touch your face. She’s just punking you.”

_______ _ _ _

John gasps, his flat teeth sticking out in the front. “Really?!”

_______ _ _ _

Terezi shoves Karkat in the side. “You ruin all my fun!”

_______ _ _ _

John begins pouting and the white haired humans exchange glances.

_______ _ _ _

The human with purple eyes stands up, and walks closer to the edge of the pool. 

_______ _ _ _

“What’s happened to your nails?” Kanaya asks in surprise, and the human slips on the floor. She doesn’t fall, but she stands with her arms thrown outward for several seconds before she smooths down her fabric cover and turns.

_______ _ _ _

“Me? My— me? What did y... my nails? What about my nails?” She asks. Vriska wonders why she stutters so much.

_______ _ _ _

“Um, your nails are totally black,” Vriska points out loudly, but the human ignores her in favor of staring at Kanaya.

_______ _ _ _

Kanaya points at the humans’ nails. “Your claws are black. Why is that? And I’m just now realizing I also don’t know your name.”

_______ _ _ _

“How... how rude of me! It’s Rose,” Says the human, and she holds out her hands. “And it’s paint. Do you have... paint where you’re from?”

_______ _ _ _

“Highbloods do,” mutters Sollux, but Kanaya just nods.

_______ _ _ _

Rose starts explaining about different types of paints humans apply to themselves, which Kanaya seems extremely interested in. 

_______ _ _ _

Vriska grows bored of that almost immediately and tags along with Terezi to make fun of John.

_______ _ _ _

Aradia and Sollux start tag-team interrogating Dave and Karkat, while Nepeta starts bothering Roxy once again.

_______ _ _ _

Vriska’s plan may not have gone to... well, plan.

_______ _ _ _

But so far it seems like all’s well that ends well!

_______ _ _ _

Vriska grins to herself. She’s so great!!!!!!!!

_______ _ _ _


	25. Dave: Accept Your Life Is Not Normal

Dave Strider wakes up feeling extremely warm.

He wakes up slowly, not really realizing he’s awake until he rolls over and bunches up the comforter in his arms. His blanket had nestled around him in the night, creating a nest of warmth and softness.

His eyes immediately slipped black closed, floating blissfully unaware in not-quite-awake land, until something twanged at his chest.

A hard, extreme emotion that almost was painful, and Dave’s eyebrows scrunched up as he tried to remember what is was.

....He’s dating Karkat.

Dave surges upwards into a sitting position, gasping out loud. Fittingly, the first thing he sees is an ironic selfie he’s taped to the wall.

The framing is terrible, because it’s hard to take a selfie with a digital camera, but the photo is of Dave sitting on the edge of the pool, making a peace sign at the camera as Karkat, beside him, glares at the strange object.

Dave’s heart practically melts as he remembers. He’s _dating Karkat._

He could literally just— he could just go kiss him, couldn’t he? He could do the one thing he’s been unable to not think about for weeks, without batting an eye.

It’s such a strange, alien thought.

Dave remembers right then that today is Karkat’s last day. 

He jumps out of bed, regretting it almost immediately as he stumbles on his still-asleep legs. He almost gets out the door before he thinks to get his sunglasses, which are folded on the sidetable.

Once his shades are properly in place, Dave runs out the door and smacks promptly into Roxy.

She falls backward with an exaggerated yell of despair, and grabs Dave’s shoulders to balance herself as she gets back on her feet.

“How you doin’, Davey-wavey?” She asks, giggling slightly to herself as her fuchsia eyes sparkle. “Goin’ to meet yer fish bae?”

Dave pulls her arms off casually, rolling his eyes. “What makes you think that? Maybe I’m just going to talk to the new merpeople. Maybe I’m really interested in Terezi today. Huh? Did you think of that?”

Roxy grins like he just made a hilarious joke, leaning on the wall. “Nooooo. He’s been sitting in that pool all day. He keeps,”  
And here Roxy makes an imitation of Karkat’s grumpy face; “Like, sighing dramatically.”

“Wow, missing me already?” Dave asks bemusedly, knowing for a fact he got so little sleep last night simply because of how long he’d stayed out with Karkat and his pod.

“Probably,” Roxy shrugs a little harder then usual, and giggles again, slumping more against the wall.

Dave’s head suddenly turns to her in suspicion. “Roxy?”

“Wha?” She says, not quiet meeting his eyes. “Ain’t ya gonna go make out wif yer new boyf... boyfriend?”

Dave leans forward, searching her eyes. “Have you been _drinking?_ ”

“Nonononono!” Roxy assures, waving her hands and then giggling a little. “Nope. All good here.”

Dave sighs and rubs his forehead. “Roxy, I’m not mad at you. Please don’t lie.”

His older sister suddenly slumps forward sadly, draping her arms over his shoulders and holding on for dear life. Dave staggers and then tries to hold her up as she droops.

“It was just a liiiiiiiiitle drink, baby brobro, I swear,” Roxy wails, burying her face in his neck. “It was just a little buzz for our last day! And mister Egbert said I could have soooooome!”

“Rox—“

“I’m sorry I’m so so sorry! I didn’t— Dirk is gonna be so _mad_ at me.”

“Roxy, hey,” Dave started rubbing his sister’s back in soothing circles. “Hey, shh. Nobody here is mad at you.”

Roxy sniffles loudly. “They’re not?”

“No, of course not.” Dave pats her curly hair, which is still perfectly styled. “Dirk may be an asshole sometimes, but he won’t fault you for this.”

Dave helps Roxy balance on her own feet again, and she looks at him with watery pink eyes.

“Listen, I’ve heard what you’re like shitfaced, and you’re definitely _not_ right now. And you’ve been sober for, what, two years?”

Roxy nods a little numbly.

Dave gives her a two-fingered salute. “We’re all super proud of you, Rox. And besides, you only had one drink, right?”

She nods again.

“Then you’re probably fine.”

He smiles at her, and she softly smiles back, and it’s all a good sibling bonding experience until Dirk stabs Dave from behind.

“AAUGH!” Dave jumps, grabbing his ribs. “Really?!”

And Roxy doubles over laughing, and Dirk folds his arms as if those fingers aren’t responsible for tickle-based war crimes.

“What’s going on in here? Hallway party?” Dirk asks.

“Oh, you know it,” Roxy says, smiling. “We’re turning those speakers up.”

“Mhm,” Dirk agrees, breathing in deeply, and then he frowns at something and looks at Roxy carefully. “Have you been drinking?”

“Only one!” Roxy and Dave protest at the same time. Dirk tilts his head a tiny bit to the side. It’s barely anything of a reaction (Striders are taught to always keep their face) but Dave can tell. He’s surprised, but relieved.

“That’s a good amount of restraint, Rox. I’m proud.”

Roxy smiles, big and relived and happy. The Lalonde throws her arms around Dirk and gives him a kiss on the cheek. It’s obvious how much the praise means to her. And to anyone else it’d be hard to see, but Dave knows Dirk is fighting a smile of his own.

“Just don’t let Rose see,” Dave points out carefully, mindful of what could upset his twin sister. His older siblings scoff in unison.

“Oh, I think she’s pretty preoccupied,” Roxy says with a voice that is FAR too sly, and Dave finds it in himself to suddenly hurry to the pool room as fast as he can.

—————

“HEY COOLKID!” Terezi screams the second Dave enters the room, and she rushes across the pool to send a wave of water over the side in his direction. 

It misses. Dave’s never sure if she’s missing on purpose.

The Tealblood cackles in the wake of her water-prank, as has become her customary greeting to Dave. He grins and walks over to give her a fistbump.

“‘Sup, Rezi?” Dave asks, sitting down on the edge of the pool. Karkat is currently in a heated argument with Sollux a ways away, and he’s not eager to get into that. Hanging out with Terezi is surprisingly fun as well.

Over on the other side of the pool, Rose has several large and expensive looking makeup kits, and is currently painting Kanaya’s nails with black polish. Her hands are shaking more then usual, but Dave can hear her laughing from here. Kanaya apparently has chosen green— or rather, Jade— eye shadow and lipstick. They’re both trying very hard not to let the water ruin the makeup. It’d be pretty cute already, even without the huge lesbian heart-eyes Rose kept making every five seconds. Dave felt happy for her.

“Oh, just making fun of Karkat as he throws a fit about who’s allowed to be the leader of Rainbow Partytown!” Terezi says amiably in that odd, high, gravelly voice of hers. She might be looking at Dave, but he isn’t sure— her eyes are glassy and completely red. “I’m going to slit his throat and listen to him die.”

“Yeah, that’s cool,” Dave replies, knowing comments like those are customary for Terezi. “You guys are good friends, huh?”

The mermaid’s pointy smile vanishes, and she turns away. Her short, choppy black hair went well with her gray skin, just like Karkat’s. Her horns were extremely different, though. Dave had thought that all merpeople had the same tiny nubs Karkat did, but in actuality he seems to be an outlier. 

Vriska and Kanaya both have large, elegant, mismatched horns, while Aradia has curving ram horns. Terezi has sharp medium horns, and Sollux has two pairs of horns, sharp but shorter. Nepeta’s horns are actually similar to Karkat’s.

“I hope we are,” Terezi says in a voice that’s more forlorn then Dave is used to. “I was really excited to see him again after these years, but he’s acting really weird around me.”

“Huh. Well, you are pretty weird, Rezi,” Dave points out honestly. Terezi grins and elbows him a little.

“You know what I mean, dummy! I don’t know. Maybe he’s mad at me.”

Dave leans in curiously. “Any reason why that would be?”

“Well I did move away without addressing his painfully obvious crush problems,” Terezi says, and Dave almost falls into the pool.

“Karkat had a crush on you?!” He says, surprised. Well, maybe not that surprised. Terezi is really cool. Dave might even have been into her, under different circumstances.

The Tealblood shurgs in annoyance. “He sure acted like he did! But I could never figure out what quadrant he was going for. Sometimes he acted red and sometimes he was so black it was annoying.” Terezi slumps onto the side of the pool, letting her tail drift up behind her. “When Vriska invited me to go live with her I said yes without really resolving whatever that was.”

Dave ponders this, remembering Karkat’s quadrant issues and feeling very bad for him. 

“Did you like him?”

She almost looks surprised by that. “I thought I did, sometimes. But we were way younger back then, and,” she shrugs, leaving it at that. Dave understands.

“Well,” he says, “good thing, too, because I was about to uninvite you to my party.”

Terezi gasps loudly, her mouth making a circle shape. “You’re having a party?!”

“You know it. Best party there ever was. Although. Maybe it would’ve been better uninvite you. Because it’s a see party.”

“A see party?” She repeats, sounding skeptical.

“Oh, yeah,” Dave continues with a grin. “Just me and my buds up and having a see party. Celebrating the wondrous miracle of vision.”

Terezi starts laughing. “Dave. Dave, can I come to your see party?”

Dave nods. “Sure man, but be careful, because there’s glorious masterpieces all over the wall. Don’t run into any of them paintings. Me and my friends are all gathered around, looking at the sky. God do we appreciate having eyes that can perceive things. It’s like an incredible miracle before me of beautiful colors.”

Terezi is laughing so hard she’s leaning on the tile of the poolside, holding her side. “Can— can I lick the paintings?”

Dave pretends to think about it for a minute. “Yeah I guess that’s fine.”

“Now just what in the fuck is going on over here?!” Says a familiar voice, and Karkat Vantas is swimming over to them and giving Terezi a dubious look.

“Dave invited me to his see party,” Terezi gets out with a wide smile, and Karkat rounds on Dave.

“You invited _Terezi_ to your party first?!”

“Wow, jealous much?” Terezi cackles, and Dave pats Karkat on the shoulder.

“It’s a see party, Kitkat. Gotta invite the blind chick first. That’s basic fucking etiquette, Jesus.”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “Yes, I’ve heard the many grand and extremely bullshit tales of your human “irony”. If you pulled your nooksniffing head out from your wastechute, you’d know that it’s frankly not that fucking impressive.”

Dave smiles. “Aw, you love it.”

“I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT,” Karkat snarls angrily.

“Oh, come on Karkat, you’re not still angry about Rainbow Partytown?” Terezi asks teasingly.

“I don’t care about your fruity rumpus asshole factory! I literally _could not care less!_ ”

Dave grins and pats him softly on the cheek, the way he’s seen Sollux and Aradia do. Karkat immediately deflates with a sigh.

“Wow, get a room, you pale freaks!” Terezi laughs. Karkat mutters something that sounds kind of like “not pale” before Dave is dragging him a little bit away.

“Get a room, Dave!” Rose yells in agreement from across the pool. Kanaya looks over in confusion.

Dave grabs Karkat by the waist and pulls him very close, grinning at Rose. “Really?”

Karkat catches on and wraps his arms around Daves’ neck, smirking at Dave’s sister in equal amounts. “Are you sure we’re the ones who should ‘get a room’?”

“What?” Exclaim Rose and Kanaya in unison. Dave feels the power of karma in his veins.

“Just kiss already!” He says to Rose.

“Yeah, just KISS,” Karkat agrees evilly. Rose looks scandalized and Kanaya looks mildly puzzled. 

Rose absolutely, one hundred percent, had this coming. Nosy twin sister meddling with his love life? Have a taste of your own MEDICINE sis.

Dave places a light kiss on Karkat’s cheek, listening to Rose fume in satisfaction.

He then steers Karkat a little bit towards the door.

“Hey, uh,” Dave says, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay?” Karkat replies, his eyebrows raising. “Talk to me.”

“No, in... private.” Dave tries to explain, careful of falling into the pool.

Karkat’s expression changes a little. “Oh. Well, go get the cooler then, you idiotic bulgemunch.”

Dave gets the cooler and wheels Karkat into the foyer in record time, although that doesn’t stop him from chatting as he goes.

“Can you believe I haven’t even been to most of the rooms on this cruise ship?” He says, trying not to let on that he’s nervous. “Crazy, right? This thing is just that big that no one could even name every room. Well, maybe Dirk could, because he’s insane.”

Karkat sighs heavily and lets his red tail flip over. “What did you actually want to talk to me about?”

Dave drops down into the edge of the fountain with an _oof_ , helping Karkat into the water next to him before sighing loudly.

“Well, uh,” Dave starts. Because he didn’t really plan this. He knew what he wanted to say, but how to get there was a whole other deal. “You’re leaving tomorrow.”

Karkat sinks in the water sadly. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

Dave swallows thickly. “Do you think... I mean, after I get home. I mean, like, when you’re home? When you’re back and I’m back and we’re not in the same place anymore— god damn are those two places in different places— definitely separate pieces of existence, know what I’m saying? Anyway.” Dave rubs the back of his head. “I guess what I’m saying is. We’re gonna be really far apart like god are we ever gonna see each other again? Because I just was thinking what if I went home after this and just literally... never saw you again.” Dave tries to hide it, but he can feel his face cracking from the pain. His hands are shaking as he folds them in his lap, sitting on the edge of the fountain. As fragile as a piece of glass.

Karkat’s eyes are huge and heartbroken as he watches Dave try and fail to keep up a cooldude facade. The merman reaches over and tugs Dave towards him into a hug that smells like salt, fish, and something uniquely Karkat.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’ll do something. This won’t be the last time.” Karkat runs his fingers through Dave’s hair calmingly.

“But it might be,” Dave whispers. “It might be and that’s so fucking scary, Karkat. It could be the end right here and there’s so much we still haven’t done.” Karkat is making gentle shushing noises now, but Dave just rambles on. “There’s still so much I wanted to say to you. And so much I needed to learn, and figure out, and I wasted so much time just getting to this point. And like. I don’t even know if I really even know what love is, because I’m still just a teenager. God, Karkat, we’re just fifteen and growing up and it’s hard. It’s hard and nobody really understands.”

Karkat wraps his arms around Dave tighter, bringing Dave’s back flush to his chest. He rests his chin on the human’s head, still shushing him.

“I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love. Or even what love is and... does anyone even know what love is if you think about it? Is love even real or is it something we all aspire to be because we watched movies of people having something called love. And movies can’t tell you what that feels like on the inside. If romcoms never existed would we even have romance or would people just go around feeling things without even thinking about it? Maybe love like that isn’t real and we’re holding ourselves to some impossible standard every day but I think maybe love is what you think it is, then, if there’s no actual truth. So by that definition fifteen year olds do know what love is I guess.”

Karkat sighs loudly into Dave’s hair.

Dave pries himself out of the merman’s grasp and turns around to face him.

“Basically what I’m trying to get at here is,” he says, meeting Karkat’s yellow eyes. The merman tilts his head slightly, listening.

“I love you.”

And Dave immediately regrets it and cringes at what is possibly the worst thing he’s ever said, the least cool thing to ever come out of a Strider’s mouth. 

And Karkat is just staring at him with wide eyes.

“I mean, yeah I like... yeah I guess it’s kinda stupid because we’ve known each other less then a month, been dating or whatever for two days.... it’s a dumb thing to say and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or whatever I just—“

“Dave Strider,” Karkat says, grabbing the front of his red hoodie.

“Yeah?” Dave responds worriedly, trying to grin nonchalantly.

“For once in your life. Shut the fuck up.” And then he pulls him down to mouth-level and starts attacking him with his lips.

“Ah, teeth, dude,” Dave hisses and Karkat lays off a bit but they keep kissing, and it’s cold and Dave is sitting uncomfortably on the edge of a water fountain and it could not be more perfect.

Karkat breaks the kiss to try and do the face-kisses Dave liked to do, smooching him all over his face. And Dave kind of laughs, because it’s adorable and ridiculous, but then Karkat decides the next course of action is to keep moving lower until he’s kissing Dave’s neck. Dave gasps and jerks backward, and Karkat stops immediately.

“Shit shit, did I hurt you?” He whispers. Dave shakes his head mutely.

“Nope. Nah. Good. All fine and dandy.”

Karkat narrows his eyes. “ _Obviously_ not. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, you just. Surprised me.” Dave mutters, and then tilts Karkat’s chin up with one hand. “Here, look.” And he leans forwards and starts gently kissing down along the side of the merman’s neck. Karkat makes an unholy screeching noise and backs away immediately.

“See?” Dave grins. Karkat turns red, shakes his head, and lightly smacks him in the shoulder.

“I fucking love you too, idiot.”

“Wha—?”

And then Karkat pulls Dave into the fountain with him in order to kiss him as much as physically possible.

It works pretty well.


	26. [S] Steer The Ship

**Karkat == > Enjoy Your Last Moments With Your Boyfriend **

God, Karkat still can’t believe it.

Whatever “it” is.

Just... whatever he’s doing with Dave... human boyfriends or matesprits crossed over with moirails or _whatever..._

Karkat’s just... so glad. So fucking glad that somehow this is a thing. That somehow, this happened.

That, despite all else, Dave actually really did... _want_ him.

Karkat likes Dave so much. Like, an insane amount. 

Even now, he’s hardly paying attention to what Dave is saying, too preoccupied with watching and listening to him talk. The subtle ways his monotone voice can move, the reflection of light in his freckles. The way that, when Dave turns sideways just right, Karkat can catch a peek of red from beneath the shades.

He’s wonderful.

An annoying, horrible, disgusting, wonderful bastard.

“Don’t diss Obama, Karkat,” Dave is saying seriously. “He’s my role model in life. Like, I hold myself to the Obama standard every day.”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “The day I understand your dumbass human pop culture is the day I know I’ll have lost at life.”

Dave smiles. “Then get ready to have absolutely NO life left, dude. It’ll all be gone. You won’t get to hang around anymore. Not that you HAD much of a social life here in the first place,” Dave muses mockingly. “Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe your life was already so dead there’s nothing there to kill. Except me. Ouch. No more Dave for you.”

“You close your disgusting horrible food receiver right this second, Strider,” Karkat growls. “I’m allowed to have as much Dave as I so please.”

“I don’t know about that,” Dave shoots back airily. “Dirk said that you’re still healing from the chlorine poisoning. He said, and I quote; ‘Karkat can’t handle any strenuous activity. And that means you, Dave’.”

Karkat launches up and grabs Dave by the collar of his hoodie, yanking him down into the water with an enormous splash.

After a flurry of bubbles clears and Dave rights his body from what probably could’ve broken his neck, Karkat glares at the water for a moment.  
Dave surfaces, gasping, and looks at Karkat with a scandalized expression. His hair is slicked to his face and neck, and his clothes are now completely soaked through.

“Fuck you,” Karkat spits, but he can’t keep the smile from creeping across his lips.

“Aw, babe, take me out to dinner first,” Dave complains, so in annoyance Karkat grabs him by the arms and shuts him up with his mouth.

It works surprisingly well.

Karkat kisses the life out of his boyfriend and tries not to think about how much he’ll miss him when he’s gone.

**Roxy == > Initiate Shipping Time Part Two**

Roxy Lalonde takes a thoughtful sip of her root beer float, narrowing her eyes at the batter. Beside her, Jane stirs it vigorously with a wooden spoon, probably getting a good arm workout in the process. 

Both of them are wearing aprons (slightly covered in flour) and are engrossed in their task. Making a cake for the final day of the cruising vacation, and the last day the Strilondes and the Egberts will be in the same area of the country.

“All I’m saying is,” Jane continues, panting slightly from the mixing, “just because the matchmaking worked out once— can you pass me the sugar, dear? Thank you— doesn’t mean it’ll work again.”

Roxy leans back against the kitchen counter with a scoff.

“Janey, I think you’ll find that I am a matchmaking _expert_ ,” Roxy proclaims. She pulls open the fridge to grab the milk and set it on the counter next to her float. 

Jane shrugs. “I don’t know. I just wouldn’t push my luck, you know?”

She takes the milk and pours it into the cake batter without using a measuring cup. 

“How does that saying go? Don’t look a gift horse on the mouth?”

Roxy waves her off. “That saying means somethin’ a lil different. Yea, I see where you’re coming from. But I think— what’s the harm?”

She leans over to sniff Jane’s cake batter, making a face of pleasure as the sweet aroma hits her nose. “Honestly with Davey it was more risky because of his... issues. Rose can only get annoyed at me.”

“That’s not a good thing,” Jane points out reasonably, stirring again with her spoon.

“But it’s better odds!” Roxy proclaims cockily. “Operation DaveKat was _such_ a success I feel I could take on anything!”

She waves her hands excitedly in the direction of the pool room. “I mean, do you _see_ the way those boys look at each other? It’s the cutest shit.”

Jane sighs loudly. “I’m not going to be able to convince you otherwise, am I?”

“Nope!” 

—————

tipsyGnolstalgic opened memo: “SHIPPING TIEM PART TWO: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO”

TG: guess what you guys!!!!!!!!!!

timeasTestified [TT] responded to memo

TT: Oh my god.

gustyGumshoe [GG] responded to memo

GG: Sigh. 

GG: I will help you, Roxy.

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo

TG: lmao roxy matchmaking in action 

TG: u betcha!!!

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: oh, this again?

TT: This again.

TG: wait a minute 

TT: Here we go.

TG: what do you mean by part two electric boogaloo

TG: 

TG: roxy 

TG: yeeeaasssss baby bro?

TG: did you seriously play matchmaker between me and karkat 

TG: operation davekat went super well!

TG: dont even deny it!

TG: i cannot believe my older sister got me my boyfriend 

TT: I can.

GG: We watched it happen.

EB: i thought we were being pretty obvious?

TG: fuck you guys

EB: :(

TG: except you john

EB: yay!

GG: So you won’t help?

TG: now i never said that

TG: >:3 >;3

TG: to be clear were gonna mess with rose and her obvious girl crush right

TG: rihgt!

TG: *right

TG: cool im in

——————————

**Rose == > Maintain Your Composure**

Rose Lalonde has her hand up a pretty girls’ shirt.

She’s trying not to think about it, she really is. She must remain professional during this conversation. She must keep up an air of dignity, if nothing else.

But Rose is extremely aware that this particular girl happens to be a sea life creature that has no concept of clothing coverage and certainly is not wearing a bra right now. Rose’s hand is probably mere inches from this girls’ chest.

“So you see,” Kanaya is saying, still having Rose feel the underside pattern of the “fabric”, “it’s really quite a simple weave. I could teach you it, if you wanted.”

“Oh, I—“ Rose is trying so hard not to blush as Kanaya looks up at her with those yellow eyes. The makeup hadn’t increased her beauty at all, it’d merely enhanced the natural miracle that was Kanaya’s face. “I know how to knit. It’s very similar to this, but you use needles.”

Kanaya nods in fascination, still holding Roses’ hand to the inside of the fabric as if Rose wasn’t a few millimeters from brushing up again her skin.

After a second of definitely not blushing, Rose pulls her hand away and back into her own lap.

“It’s nice that you make your own clothes. Are all merpeople this fashion-minded?”

“Urgh no,” Kanaya huffs, looking down at her black nails. “Most merpeople don’t wear anything other then jewelry. But I like to make things.”

Rose balks a little. “Merpeople don’t wear anything at all? That makes sense, I suppose, but then why are all of you mermaids wearing shirts?”

“Well,” Kanaya says, and her ears turn a little green, “Nepeta’s seaweed wrap is a gift from me. Terezi and Vriska have matching web-weaves because Vriska would not stop bugging me about it.” She sighs heavily. 

“Couldn’t you just refuse?” Rose asks politely, folding her hands.

Kanaya shakes her head. “Vriska’s a Ceruleanblood, that would have been a cullable offense. But also,” and she blushes a little, a jade color that matches her makeup, “even if she wasn’t, I probably still would have caved. I used to be crazy for her.”

At the mention of a female crush, Rose’s interest becomes even more peaked. “You were crazy for Vriska?”

Rose knew about the merpeople’s lack of sexual preference— Dave had mentioned it in one of his accidental monologues— but it would be different to hear from a primary source.

Kanaya nods. “Oh it’s so embarrassing. We were moirials, originally, but I felt so flushed for her.” Her face is green enough that, were Kanaya human, she would probably have needed to barf.

Rose thinks to what she knows of quadrants and winces. “I admit I’m not super familiar in the ways of merperson romance.”

Kanaya blinks a few times. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that, humans have only one of the quadrants, and we are not even very good at it. If you could explain your separate romances to me, that would be much appreciated.”

Kanaya hums thoughtfully. Then she reaches forward and gently takes Roses’ hand, carefully meeting her eyes.

“I could... teach you the ways of romance, if you would like?” Kanaya asks shyly, her large yellow eyes boring into Rose’s.

The human isn’t sure if that was intentionally extremely flirty, but she responded in kind anyway.

“I would love that,” Rose practically purrs as she laces their fingers together, and Kanaya looks like she may burst.

And then, sitting at the edge of a swimming pool with makeup scattered around, holding hands, Kanaya teaches Rose the basics of merpeople romance.

**Terezi == > Say Your Goodbyes**

Terezi Pyrope sniffs the air, marveling in the taste of salt. 

Somewhere off to her right, Dave Strider just pushes in a container holding Karkat. Karkat and Dave both smell a lot like cherries, Terezi thinks. Only Karkat’s also got a bit of ash, and salt.

Both of them have an air of sadness about them. Terezi doesn’t have time for that. Who has time to be sad? Definitely not her. 

She’s gotta do something to liven the mood right now.

Terezi catches a whiff of blueberries and grins wide, swimming in that direction. Scents travel differently in air then they do under water, but it wasn’t hard to learn.

She reaches the edge of the pool and then she shoots up and grabs the shoulders of the person there.

“AUGH! Terezi!” Says John’s voice loudly. She cackles and wraps her arms around his neck in order to hang there.

“What’s up, berry boy?” She asks, sticking her tongue out. She feels John cringe backward.

“Nothing with you! Will you stop bothering me?”

Terezi tries to roll her eyes. “Are you insulting a blind girl, John? Huh? Are you being prejudiced? You disgust me.”

“No?!” John tries to shove her off, but she has a grip of steel. “Haven’t you heard of personal space?!”

Terezi cocks her head to the side curiously. “What’s that?”

John slumps in defeat, letting Terezi hang against his chest. “Alright. Forget I even said anything.”

“Now, now, Johnathan—”

“That’s not even my name.”

“—I think you’re being over dramatic. But hey! You won’t be for much longer!”

And Terezi licks the side of his face, tasting that odd bitter taste of flesh.

John, meanwhile, screeches and successfully shoves her off. She floats in the water for a second, cackling.

“Why are you so WEIRD?!” John moans, and she hears him fall backwards onto the ground.

“Are we bugging John?” Says a curious voice, and Terezi smells the ocean, and fabric worn down with adventure. 

Vriska splashes loudly in the water and swims her way over to them. Her whole aura screams teasing.

“Yes! Terezi is being very weird!”

“Why, John, I thought you _liked_ us. Or at least me.” Vriska’s wink is basically audible.

John sighs. “I guess you’re okay, when you’re not being creepy. But Terezi! She says dumb stuff like—“

“Shut up, blue, or I’m gonna slice your arms off and beat you with then until your blood is everywhere,” Terezi says, grinning widely.

“Like _that!_ ”

“Oh, John. You get used to it eventually,” hums Vriska, and she reaches out for a high five. Terezi just barely catches her hand. “Besides, I think you find her annoying a little toooooooo much.”

Terezi gasps theatrically. “John, were you blackrom hitting on me?!”

“WHY DOES NOTHING YOU SAY MAKE ANY SENSE?!”

“Hey, lay off John! He’s a cool dude.” Daves’ voice carries across the deck.

John shifts to the side with a sigh. “Where are the other trolls?”

“They’re coming,” Vriska nonchalantly replies. “Speaking of the devil.”

Nepeta’s rancorous laughter reaches Terezi, but her scent is different— oh, she’s being carried by the bubblegum girl. Roxy? Something like that.

“That’s purrrfect! Thank you so much!”

Terezi sniffs curiously at the air. Nepeta is no longer wearing the seaweed wrap Kanaya gifted her, she’s wearing something that smells very similar to Roxy.

“Well,” Roxy is saying as she lowers Nepeta into the above-deck pool, Sollux and Aradia following soon behind. “I’ll give you more anytime, sweetie. Just come ask!”

Nepeta makes a squeaking noise in a thank-you and the lowbloods drift over. Kanaya calls her goodbyes to Rose, who returns them from the captain’s deck.

Dirk’s voice comes down from the captain window. “You guys hungry at all?”

There’s something in his voice that confuses Terezi. The level of seriousness, perhaps? Something about the question didn’t add up. Like he was much too invested in their choices of food.

Dave says something to Dirk in reply, interrupting Terezi’s thoughts.

“You know, I’m actually... digging some nuggets right now.”

Dirk laughs.

In the pool, there’s a surge of motion as the Cerulean starts rounding them up.

“Are we all ready?” Vriska asks cheerfully. 

There’s several affirmative mumbles. Sollux backs away and starts doing breathing exercise to prepare himself for the lifting.

The sharp-smelling human claps his hands together at the top of the boat. He must’ve just come out of the captain’s office.

“Alright, we good? Sollux, are you ready?” Dirk shouts down. Sollux lifts an arm in what is probably a thumbs up.

Terezi’s ears twitch and she gingerly sniffs the wind. “Does anyone smell that?”

“What?” Vriska asks curiously, turning towards her. Terezi shrugs, frowning.

“I don’t know. It’s... far away, and weird. It’s probably nothing.”

Vriska acknowledges this and faces the Goldblood again.

“Okay, everyone,” Dirk says. “We’ve lowered the boat as much as we can and we’re in exactly the place Karkat was picked up. Go wild, Sollux.”

“Byeeeeeeee Vriska!” John yells, waving at her with probably a big smile.

“Byeeeeeeee John!” Vriska shouts back, a rare grin in her voice.

“Have a safe swim home!”

“We’ll try!”

Meanwhile, a couple feet away, Karkat joins them in the pool, the splash of water and his grumbles audible to everyone.

Sollux takes a deep breath to start his magic.

And then Terezi starts being John!

**John == > Be John!**

What? John’s always been John. Again, it’s a weird thing to think. John can’t “start being John”, he’s had the same POV his whole life! He’s not changing POVs for every chapter. What kind of deranged lunatic does that?

John watches as Karkat swims over to Terezi, and she elbows him with a grin. He sneers back at her, but it’s friendly. John kind of wishes Terezi was friendly with him and not scary. She seemed smart and cool! If only she was less weird.

Dave backs away from the edge and stiffly stands next to John with the stoniest face ever.

John thinks for a second and then wraps an arm around Dave’s shoulders. It’s a little awkward, because Dave is soaking wet, but John makes it work. The blonde starts, and turns toward him.

“Hey, man. ...Thanks for being a bro these past few weeks.” Dave holds a hand out, and John realizes he’s being offered a fistbump.

He nearly tears up as he bumps it. A fistbump from the coolkid. This is probably the most interesting thing that will ever happen to him in any universe.

“You too,” Says John with his biggest smile. Dave grins.

“You may be a dork, Egderp, but at least you’re a good friend or whatever.”

“Ha! You wish you were as good a friend as me!”

Dave squeezes his shoulder a little. “Yeah, maybe.”

Over in the pool, Sollux’s eyes start emitting red and blue light as he lifts Vriska and Terezi to toss them over the side of the boat. They wait a minute before the girls shout up that they landed safely. 

“You’re leaving, too, right John?” Roxy calls from behind him. He almost jumps in surprise but turns. 

“Yeah,” He shrugs a little sadly, “I’m pretty sure me, Dad, and Jane are all going home after this vacation.”

“Aw. Well, I’m gonna miss you.” Roxy briefly gives him a hug from behind, and John tries not to blush.

Roxy skips over to wave up to her brother, who salutes back down to her.

“How we looking, Dirk?!” 

“Pretty good! Next group is a go!” He moves his arms like he’s conducting a plane landing.

Sollux nods and starts lifting Nepeta (still wearing Roxy’s cat shirt), Kanaya, and Aradia. They reach out to grab onto each other’s hands and balance as they’re lowered into the water below with a bit more gentleness then Sollux gave the other two girls.

The Goldblood shudders and rubs his temples, sweating slightly. His magic must be pretty hard to do.

Kind of funny, how only a few weeks ago John didn’t believe in merpeople at all, and now he could personally say he was friends with a few!

Dave bumps shoulders with him, managing and small thumbs up, and John realizes maybe he’s made more then magical friends.

He’s made some human friends too.

For the very first time.

John’s grin becomes huge and probably painfully buck-toothed, but he can’t help it. He’s happy.

“Okay, last two!”

Sollux finishes his short rest and sits up, getting ready to do his magic again.

“Wait!” Dave suddenly bursts out, surging forward like he couldn’t help it anymore. He runs over to the edge of the pool and gets in somehow without slowing down, crossing the distance to the last two trolls.

Roxy grins and rolls her eyes at John. “He just can’t say goodbye, can he.”

John shrugs, equally amused, but then his face turns red as Dave grabs Karkat and starts kissing him.  
John could do without watching his two best bros get their mack on together. 

He averts his eyes abashedly for a moment to give them privacy.

It’s because of this that he catches the surprised look on Roxy’s face.

“Did you hear something weird just now?” She asks with a frown. 

“No?” John replies, adjusting his glasses. Roxy just shakes her head as if to forget about it, and John turns back to the pool.

Dave and Karkat aren’t kissing anymore, but they’re hugging like they’re never gonna see each other again (which might be true, John realizes sadly), Dave running his fingers continuously through Karkat’s black hair and the merman squeezing Dave’s ribs in return. Finally they break apart, and Dave squeezes his boyfriend’s hand, and he backs away to let Sollux do his work.

The Goldblood is grumbling about waiting and dumb clingyness but he lifts himself and Karkat up, and then down into the water.

The fire truck red merman is watching them the whole time, and he lifts up one webbed hand to wave goodbye.

Dave mimics the gesture, and he stays standing there with his hand held in the air long after the mermen disappear below and into the water.

Everyone on the ship is quiet for a moment. 

John sighs, and watches, as Dave lowers his arm and then turns to climb out of the pool like the world’s most wretched cat.

As soon as he is out of the water he stamps over straight into Roxy’s arms.

She hugs him tightly and pats his head, saying nice things the whole time. It seems like she was prepared for this.

John doesn’t know what to do with that situation, so he awkwardly absconds over to the edge of the boat to look at the sealine.

But what he sees causes him to freeze.

“Uhhh, Roxy?” John calls out in a mildly nervous tone. Only mildly. He’s not scared, after all, only confused.

“What’s up, sweetie?” Roxy replies loudly from where she’s still trapped with an armful of Strider. If Dave is crying, John certainly can’t tell. His face is hidden in Roxy’s shoulder.

“There’s like, a big boat out here? A really really big boat.”

Roxy’s nose bunches up as she looks at him in confusion. 

“A... boat?” She asks quizzically. “There shouldn’t be one. These are international and illegal waters.”

“Then why are _we_ here?” asks Dave from Roxy’s shoulder. She shrugs nonsensically.

“I’m _rich_ , baby brobro.”

“Oh yeah.”

John makes his hands into the shape of binoculars to hold over his eyes, even though that doesn’t actually do anything. The extremely large boat seems to be getting closer, though, and John can just make out two figures on the deck.

Roxy is walking over now, with Dave’s hand in hers. He’s got a frown like he’s squinting at the watercraft, and Roxy just looks curious.

Roxy’s phone buzzes and she pulls it out of her pocket. “They see it up there too. It’s getting closer by the second, and it’ll be here in exactly seven minutes...?” She looks quizzical at that one. “Guess Dirk’s gotten good at his calculations recently.”

John trains his eyes back on the new ship. Dirk’s right, it is coming towards them with alarming speed.

Now that they’re closer, John can make out the two strangers in more detail— one of them has long hair, and the other short. They’re both leaning over the edge of the railing and staring at John, Roxy, and Dave the same way he’s been.

As the boat gets closer, John realizes he doesn’t know much about this situation at all. He barley ever understands what’s going on, but this is a new low.

Now would be a pretty convenient time for one of those POV switches he was thinking about earlier.

John tries to be the two mysterious strangers.

But they’re just TOO mysterious, he can’t be them yet!

Plus, like he’s already said hundreds of times, John is too busy being John to be someone else.

However—

**Dirk == > Fail To Not Check Out That Ass**

Dirk Strider leans out the window. The large and intimidating ship seems to be slowing down as it approaches them, pulling up right against the side.

Perhaps they want to board this cruise ship like medieval pirates? Or maybe just strike up a casual conversation.

That was unlikely, though.

Beside him, Rose is voicing similar concerns. She was always too much like him for her own good. Dirk gently pushes past her in order to get on the deck, within conversation range of the other watercraft.

Now that he’s out here, Dirk can clearly see the two occupants of the neighboring vehicle. Surprisingly, they seem to be the _only_ two occupants— there’s no other crew in sight.

With Mr. Egbert down with his daughter in the kitchens, it’s up to Dirk to be the diplomatic one in this situation, as always.

As he steps closer, he firstly takes note of their appearance to try and learn more about their new possible rivals.

One of them, the younger one, is a girl with long, tangled black hair. It goes past her waist and seriously looks as if it’s never even heard of a hairbrush before. She’s wearing overalls that are stained with seawater, and a large buck toothed grin that reminds Dirk of the Egberts.

She grabs her seafaring companion’s arm in excitement, pushing up her glasses over her sparkling green eyes. She looks excitable, and friendly.

Her partner—

Well.

He looks about Dirk and Roxy’s age.

He looks as if John Egderp suddenly learned what you’re supposed to do to make buck-teeth and square glasses look good. He’s tall, tanned, and looks like he's never missed a day at the gym in his life. His pecks are well pronounced, his biceps are jacked.

His shorts are impressively short for a guy. They’re also really, really tight. They leave absolutely nothing to the imagination.

By god did this guy have a nice ass.

Dirk nearly combusts at the thought, although on the outside all he’s done is hunch his shoulders a little.

The impossibly handsome stranger spots Dirk, and waves, and by GOD IF HE DOESN’T HAVE THE MOST GORGEOUS GREEN EYES.

He also has a large gun strapped to his back, but hey, what the hell.

Rose stifles a laugh beside Dirk, as if she can tell what she’s thinking. She’s hardly sixteen! She can’t tell what he’s thinking.

Dirk waves back in order to not seem like an utter fool. He also gets as casually close to the edge of the railing as possible and leans over to speak.

Roxy wolf whistles from down on deck, and Dirk flips her off because he’s trying to make a good first impression here, holy shit.

When he turns back to the two strangers, they both have puzzled but intrigued looks on their faces. So far so good.

“I’m Dirk Strider,” Dirk says, trying to be pleasant but probably still blankfaced. “These are my siblings and friends. We’re out on a cruise. And you are?”

There’s a pause, and then the girl lets go of the dudes’ arm in order to bounce on her feet.

“I’m Jade Harley!” She says with a wide, trusting smile. Dirk realizes she has a gun, too, but it’s slightly hidden in her mass of black hair. “And this is my older cousin, Jake! Jake English.”

“Oh, nuts, Jade,” says the hot cousin, shoving her a little. “I could’ve rightly introduced myself!” He’s a little embarrassed, but mostly teasing. Also his voice is pronounced with the weirdest accent, almost like he’d grown up with British people but definitely wasn’t one.

“Nice to meet you, Jade and Jake!” Shouts John from the deck. “I’m John!”

“Now, that’s just confusing,” Jake laughs deeply, and WOW, even his laugh is kind of hot would you look at that.

“I’m Roxy, and this is my babey brother Dave,” Roxy adds. She’s still got Daves’ hand, even though he’s trying to pull it away now. “What are you doing here, so far away from, like.... I dunno, civilization?”

Jake and Jade smile.

“Well, we live on an Island, for one!” Says Jade cheerfully. “No civilization there. It’s actually not too far from here!” She points to a smudge on the horizon that Dirk has thought long ago might be a small island.

“And for another thing,” Jake adds with a gleeful and probably dangerous spin of his gun. “We’re here promptly because we’ve been reading up on old-timey legends and nefarious local reports! Mystical chicanery galore!”

“Okay, well...” says Dave, and his voice is tired and drawn out. He must be pretty sad already.

Dirk knows what he’s going to say, though, so he says it for him, making sure to lean at an angle that accents his collarbones. He hopes Jake notices that. That’d be neat.

“But what does that actually mean?”

Jade and Jake look almost puzzled from the Striders’ inquiry, exchanging a glance. 

Jake holds up his very large rifle and cocks it loudly, making everyone aboard flinch.

“Well, isn’t it flapping obvious, mate?” Jake asks, with a beaming face brighter then the sun itself.

“We’re here to hunt mermaids!”

Oh.

Well, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: 
> 
> Very very big thanks to every reader + every person who left kudos. ESPECIALLY big thank-yous to anyone who commented. Taking time out of your day to make ME feel nice? Wow. Legendary.  
> A few honorable mentions go out to:  
> My friend BlackAdder, who hasn’t read Homestuck but read this just because she thought it was neat. Thank you so much, you put up with my weird fangirl stuff.  
> ALSO: apocalypticTaco, TopHatBigPencil, VoiletMoon123, amphibianChaos, R.R., and literally anyone else who was a continuous loyal commentator: you guys were the main reasons I ever even posted anything. Hearing your reactions and thoughts was my pride and joy, and I’m going to miss it a lot.  
> I hope this story made you smile— that’s all I ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you’d prefer an epilogue or a short story in continuation of this! I’m very willing to write more to this AU 0_0
> 
> next planned work: “Unless Someone Like You” (dirkjake, davekat, rosemary, if youre interested)


End file.
